Hello, fellos Al-Anons,
I appreciate what Sara had to say. I have been in Alanon before. I have needed
it since I quit, but was too stubborn or ashamed to go back.

I was invited to a special meeting with my group. Each person was to invite
someone to have an awaking. I actually could not find anyone to go with me. I
only attended one group and all of them had gone before. But, as luck would
have it, I broke my arm. Since I was suppose to help set up chairs and cook, I
decided not to go.

It seemed like I was shunned after that. As if, I did not appreciate what the
group wanted to do for me.

It is funny, how we can curl back up into that space because we feel that we do
not belong. We can not all think the same, or have the same solutions. We
cannot all understand things the same.

I too have been in alcoholic relationships, ended them and jumped back in. I
feel that I do this because this is what I know and feel familiar with. My
father had the 'ism' of the alcoholism, and was a raging maniac at times. He
put us down all the time, and told us we would not amount to anything. I set
out to prove him wrong, and succeeded to a certain degree. I have had two great
jobs, but failed in my home life. My self asteem was damaged since my young
years, and I still feel unworthy.

Anyway, we repeat our history again and again.

I am reaching out, and appreciate those who take the time to read this.


--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@...>
wrote:
>
> Hello, fellow Al-Anons!  I am starting from Survival to Recovery, one title in
the list of our
> Al-Anon Family Groups literature.  I am going to do a little "blogging" on it
every day and share my thoughts with all of you.  If anyone would like to join
in with thoughts and insights, please feel free.  I am kind of picturing this as
an email study group - if anyone else wants to join me, of course.
>  
> Starting with the suggested Preamble to the Tweleve Steps:
>  
> Quote:  The Al-Anon Fmaily Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of
alchoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order ot solve
their common problems.  We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that
changed attitudes can aid recovery.
>  
> My thoughts:  Starting wiht the last statement first -- I see alcoholism as a
family disease on several levels.  The most obvious, of course, is the insanity
of living with an alcoholic and alcoholic behavior - the constant frustration,
disappointment, hurt, unhappiness, confusion, fear, etc. etc. etc. would make
anyone crazy. 
>  
> However, it appears there is something in us that attracts us to
alcoholic/addicts in the first place.  Maybe this is the core of codependency
and the "disease aspect" of being Al-Anons?  I know that when, after 18 years, I
finally got out of a marriage with a man who nearly killed me, I immediately got
into a relationship with another man who was threatening my life within 6
months.  That is when I decided that my "picker" is broke and I need to stay out
of romantic relationships unless they are healthy.  I don' t think I have ever
attracted a healthy man. I am currently single and celebate and have been for
over 15 years.  I don't say anyone else has to do this, I am only saying that is
how much of the "disease aspect" of codependency I have.
>  
> Even though I haven't been in a relationship with an alcoholic for years, I
still need Al-Anon because I believe, just as an alcoholic is never cured,
he/she only has a state of remission if it is worked for, the same is true for
me and my codependency. 
>  
> Changed attitudes can aid recovery for both us and our alcoholic/addict.  For
Al-Anons, changed attitudes IS recovery.  These changed attitudes make our
reactions to alcoholic/addict behavior different.  This can take the pressure
off of them so they stop having to be defiant and can humble up enough to get
help, or it may mean that we get strong enough to either learn to be happy
through it all or to leave (personal preference).  Sometimes, though, it means
they will walk out.
>  
> There is a spiritual law that is very powerful: When we change, those around
us must either change or go away.  This really happens.  It really happened to
me.  My ex, when I changed and he couldn't stop it through dismantling my car,
following me to meetings and starting fights with other members, became
increasingly violent at home, and so many other efforts to sabatoge my recovery
(and they are sooooo inventive, our alcoholic/addicts!) divorced me and married
someone else.  So we must never have a preconcieved idea of what is going to
happen, only that we are trusting our Higher Power that it will be for our GOOD
- and our recovery.
>  
> To go back to the beginning of the Preamble:  I believe that the part about
Al-Anon being a place where we share experience, strength and hope in order to
solve our common problems is a valuable guide as to what to focus on in Al-Anon
discussions.  It doesn't mean that we never share our problems.  It only means
that we share a problem, we are doing so to try to find answers.  And we do
offer each other sympathetic understanding in these problems; not to stew in our
mutual misery, but to show compassion on the road to recovery.  Balance is what
is needed in our fellowship - neither "alcohlic bashing sessions" nor "nazi,
stiff upper lip" attitudes.  It takes time and patience to develop these skills,
and we are all works in progress.  But if we keep this in mind, it will be
easier to get there.
>  
> That's all from me for today.
>  
> Blessings and peace to each of us.
>