Hello, fellow Al-Anons!  I am starting from Survival to Recovery, one title in the list of our

Al-Anon Family Groups literature.  I am going to do a little "blogging" on it every day and share my thoughts with all of you.  If anyone would like to join in with thoughts and insights, please feel free.  I am kind of picturing this as an email study group - if anyone else wants to join me, of course.

 

Starting with the suggested Preamble to the Tweleve Steps:

 

Quote:  The Al-Anon Fmaily Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alchoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order ot solve their common problems.  We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.

 

My thoughts:  Starting wiht the last statement first -- I see alcoholism as a family disease on several levels.  The most obvious, of course, is the insanity of living with an alcoholic and alcoholic behavior - the constant frustration, disappointment, hurt, unhappiness, confusion, fear, etc. etc. etc. would make anyone crazy. 

 

However, it appears there is something in us that attracts us to alcoholic/addicts in the first place.  Maybe this is the core of codependency and the "disease aspect" of being Al-Anons?  I know that when, after 18 years, I finally got out of a marriage with a man who nearly killed me, I immediately got into a relationship with another man who was threatening my life within 6 months.  That is when I decided that my "picker" is broke and I need to stay out of romantic relationships unless they are healthy.  I don' t think I have ever attracted a healthy man. I am currently single and celebate and have been for over 15 years.  I don't say anyone else has to do this, I am only saying that is how much of the "disease aspect" of codependency I have.

 

Even though I haven't been in a relationship with an alcoholic for years, I still need Al-Anon because I believe, just as an alcoholic is never cured, he/she only has a state of remission if it is worked for, the same is true for me and my codependency. 

 

Changed attitudes can aid recovery for both us and our alcoholic/addict.  For Al-Anons, changed attitudes IS recovery.  These changed attitudes make our reactions to alcoholic/addict behavior different.  This can take the pressure off of them so they stop having to be defiant and can humble up enough to get help, or it may mean that we get strong enough to either learn to be happy through it all or to leave (personal preference).  Sometimes, though, it means they will walk out.

 

There is a spiritual law that is very powerful: When we change, those around us must either change or go away.  This really happens.  It really happened to me.  My ex, when I changed and he couldn't stop it through dismantling my car, following me to meetings and starting fights with other members, became increasingly violent at home, and so many other efforts to sabatoge my recovery (and they are sooooo inventive, our alcoholic/addicts!) divorced me and married someone else.  So we must never have a preconcieved idea of what is going to happen, only that we are trusting our Higher Power that it will be for our GOOD - and our recovery.

 

To go back to the beginning of the Preamble:  I believe that the part about Al-Anon being a place where we share experience, strength and hope in order to solve our common problems is a valuable guide as to what to focus on in Al-Anon discussions.  It doesn't mean that we never share our problems.  It only means that we share a problem, we are doing so to try to find answers.  And we do offer each other sympathetic understanding in these problems; not to stew in our mutual misery, but to show compassion on the road to recovery.  Balance is what is needed in our fellowship - neither "alcohlic bashing sessions" nor "nazi, stiff upper lip" attitudes.  It takes time and patience to develop these skills, and we are all works in progress.  But if we keep this in mind, it will be easier to get there.

 

That's all from me for today.

 

Blessings and peace to each of us.