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Hello Friends,
My name is Lisa and I joined this wonderful family (site) over four years ago while trying to find answers to "fix" my Husband's alcoholism.
It is an ugly disease which effects everyone involved with the addict, like it or not. You cannot make someone go to AA or to simply stop drinking. The desire and drive must come from the alcoholic him/herself.
My Husband's drinking was sporatic. He could go for days without; but when he did drink it was beyond excessive - until he passed out essentially.
We have a young daughter and although she never actually witnessed her Daddy drunk, passed out or basically under the influence; the ripple effects of internal conflict within the family, prolonged period of time when we didn't speak and other situations that I've yet to see the damage done to her mentally.
One night I found him passed out on the Toilet while dinner was burning in the oven and I had it. I told him that I couldn't make him go for help; but I could take control of my life for once and gave him an ultimatum that if he was ever in that condition again; it would be the last time - he'd have to go. I wrote him a long letter detailing the damage this disease had caused us as a family and him as a man. I told him how much I loved him but needed to mend this family and begged him to get help.
The letter was (for a while) a wake up call for him and for a long stretch of time he seemed to be doing well, no apparent drinking, smiling more, more involved with family and friends and our intimacy actually resumed. I was really happy although deep inside I knew that one just couldn't be in such turmoil one day and simply stop drinking and become "disease free" the next. The calm before the storm....
On his Bday in April of 2008; I came home from work to find him passed out on the living room floor with an empty liquor bottle next to him. My heart broke for the final time (or so I thought). I told him he had to go as that was what I told him the time prior and I had to be true to my word.
He showered, sobered up, cried, kissed and hugged me and told me he was going to go. It killed me to let him walk out the door; but I had to. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up the next day; went to work as usual and then before lunch my Secretary came into my office to say that there were several detectives there to see me. It was like a clergyman going to a soldiers family's home - although never in my wildest dreams did I think this day would happen; I knew what these men were here to tell me.
My Husband committed suicide that night - single gunshot wound on the side of the road not far from our home. His body found by a garbage man early that morning.
That was a year and three months ago and I don't know if I'll ever be able to pick up the pieces of my (our) lives.
Thanks for listening, I just felt the need to share.
Blessings to all of you for this venue; not sure how I would have made it this far without you.
Lisa
In a message dated 06/27/09 22:23:02 Eastern Daylight Time, dads_up2heaven@... writes:
Hi Debby, my name is Carole. I live with an alcoholic for nine yrs now. I have left him once. He drew me back into his web by telling me he was going to AA and counseling. Now my health has declined with two gastroscopies and he was very supportive during that time. But now he brings it up every time I try to talk about him drinking. I don't know how to get him to admit that he has a problem. He has managed to ruin many friendship I had, distance me from my family and even tried to break the bond between my son and I. I have no means of supporting myself, or even a place to go. If someone could give me advice on how to talk to him and get him into AA. I know that I have to take care of myself first and I do, but he is very coniving and untrust worthy. He has been abusive once and mentally abuse on a daily basis. I have no more confidence, nor friends and no conversation with him, only my little kitten Cloe. Please give advice
Always follow yourCarole
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
From: kimadams12171982@yahoo.com
Date: Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:19:58 -0700
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody.
Hi Debby,My name is Kim. And I live your struggle! My husband too trades addictions and thinks he is fooling everyone. We have been married for 26+ years and it has been a roller coaster ride the entire time. We moved back to Montana a year ago and it has been one thing after another the entire time. If you would like to email or chat on yahoo messenger I would like that. Hope you have a nice day, Kim
--- On Fri, 6/26/09, Debby <debbysmith2003@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Debby <debbysmith2003@yahoo.com>
Subject: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody.
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Date: Friday, June 26, 2009, 9:18 PM
Hello,
I am new to the online world of Al Anon. I used to belong to a group, but work got in the way. I also have moved to a separate room. My husband has broken my heart. We have been married for 10 years. Most of these years he drank daily. He now has substitued beer with pills. Either way, I am out of control. I also have a son at home who does pain pills. I am broke and hurting.-
-- In Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@ ...> wrote:
>
> Hey, I have given up on my marriage too, even tho we still co-exist, separate rooms, sepaarate lives. It does get lonely tho. Anyone who wants to talk can email me anytime. We all need friends with lives like this.
>
> Lesa Showalter
> Texas
>
>
> --- On Thu, 6/18/09, ntbaxter3@.. . <ntbaxter3@. ..> wrote:
>
>
> From: ntbaxter3@.. . <ntbaxter3@. ..>
> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Hi everybody.
> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> Date: Thursday, June 18, 2009, 10:26 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I give up on my alcoholic wife
> Alcohol wins I lose!
>
>
> From: "jll_shaw"
> Date: Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:36:39 -0000
> To: <Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com>
> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Hi everybody.
>
>
>
> My name is Jill. I joined this group because I need some help and support in dealing with codependency issues I am having. I was in a relationship for ten years with my sons father who is an alcoholic/addict. Her has been sober for 5 months now while living in a recovery house. A couple of weeks ago I learned that he is seeing someone he met at a meeting and he ended our relationship. I am not dealing with detaching well and I find myself to be very jealous of this other girl. He had been using si nce my son was born and has been in and out of treatment programs the whole time always coming back to us in between. Now that he seem to be working the steps and program effectively he is walking away. I know this sounds ridiculous but it hurts.
>
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