I kicked my love out for the second and last time last October. My name is the only one on the lease and I highly recommend this to all women. I allowed him to stay on my sofa and dine with me in exchange for a little cash and some of his home cooking on a couple of brief occasions since then - over New Year`s and for three weeks in February.
He was told that he MUST have another place to live by the first of March and when he didn`t, I referred him to the local homeless shelter. He now lives in town with two male friends, who like to drink as well. We are still friends and lovers and I am much happier now - without him cohabiting with me.
We do care for each other, but my 12yo daughter and I had had enough of his not paying his share of the rent and rarely buying groceries, which enabled him to buy beer and tobacco. I don`t have a large income, but am in the process of changing that. He admitted that my prediction came to pass, that his drinking would increase when he moved in with drinkers(!)
He says that they influence him, but I told him that we make our own choices and that until and if he decides to get help, it won`t matter where and who he lives with, as he`ll continue to imbibe - to his detriment. Tough love is the only way to deal with these types and if it ends the relationship totally - so be it!
Goddess bless,
Olwen )O(
--- On Thu, 4/9/09, vircanu <vircanu@...> wrote:
From: vircanu <vircanu@...>
Subject: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Re: I'm losing everything
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Received: Thursday, April 9, 2009, 1:10 PM
Hello there!
Codependent. Yes this is me too,I labeled my self codependent.
He is sober since he join AA but then the decease of alcohol is still there or
it is his real who he was, very very bad temper. His poisonous mouth/words that
he'll throw at me are too much to handle that can give me a heart attack,
only I try to help myself to be strong, if not then I'm dead by now.
I am still a codependent with him despite of his revelation it is because
first, I still love this man I have no doubt in that, second, I am new in this
place,(US) I don't know anybody yet I depend on him, third, I don't have
a job (I don't have my own income, still looking for work).Or else where
will I go????? Or I don't know, maybe I am fooling myself because I am
dependent with him?
What makes me more stronger and inspired me most.."Accept the Things you
cannot Change and Courage to Change the Things You can". This gives me more
strength to carry my day to day living. But then, I am still very much human to
feel the pain, anger, confusion, hatred, blah..blah..blah!
Yesterday, he called 911 about his brother. His brother send obscene email to
him because bro wanted him to help the new fax/tel machine that did not work
properly and my hub doesn't want to go until the following day, today. So,
now i can feel that he regrets calling 911.
-- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, Jake & Cheri Rohl
<jjcarohl@...> wrote:
>
> Hello...
> I have been reading a lot of emails on here over the past year. I read
them b/c I thought I was smarter & was handling my life better than the
people who were writing. NOW, I find myself in the same boat and what I was
silently telling people... leave him, just walk away, quit the codependency,
blah blah... now all that is coming back to haunt me. To make a long story
short, I have been married to a wonderful man who has always had a drinking
problem. When he was working he had a few moments every month or so that were
all nighters with hangovers. Now he's been laid off for over a year,
he's not getting unemployment (due to our own mistakes), our house is in
foreclosure, 2 pieces of land are in foreclosure, and we're facing
bankruptcy also. So we've been arguing every day and I was constantly on
him to get a job & helping around the house. I am a big bag of stress for
all of the previous reasons, in addition to dealing with my mother
> having liver cancer, and I may be laid off too. I love this man, and I
know he loves me, but we're constantly at each other, blaming each other for
things. Yesterday was the ultimate, I came home from work & he was drunk
again but making dinner.... I started an argument he got mad he kicked a door
in, and I called the police, he jumped in his truck to get away. He was
arrested for domestic disorderly and a 4th OWI. I feel like I am to blame b/c
I started the fight, even though I was so fed up with his drinking... the night
before the fight he came home at 3am and woke me up making food in the kitchen,
I lost a lot of sleep & we fought & I was late for work that day-- the
same as a lot of other days this past year. I want him to not drink so much...
he will drink until he can't drink anymore! He's passed out on the
kiitchen floor & wet himself from it, and he's way overweight (5 ft 9 at
370 lbs), I am so afraid he will kill himself. I
> still love him! I want to help him but he says this is who he is. My
friend tells me maybe at his hearings I can tell the judge I'd like for them
to order mandatory in-patient treatment. I feel so bad, like I abandoned
him, and I'm to blame for this OWI. I know deep down I am being
codependent, my friend tells me the same thing & I have to tell him enough
is enough, if you want me you have to quit drinking. He is a great person when
he's sober!!! But that's not very often anymore. >
>
>
>
>
> > > --- On Fri, 2/6/09, Linda Gorham <smurfette@...> wrote:
> > From: Linda Gorham <smurfette@...>
> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
> To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Friday, February 6, 2009, 1:50 AM
> > > > > > > > If you need to talk to me my e-mail address is smurfette@vyn. midco.net
> > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Linda Gorham > To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com > Sent: Friday, February 06, 2009 1:32 AM
> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
> > > > > Hi my name is Linda: I'm in three different groups.There isn't
much activity in recovery.So please try ALANON NOW,or CARING & SHARING,or
COURAGE TO CHANGE.I'm sure one of those three can help you.You cannot force
your daughter to quit drinking,she has to be the one to decide that.I found that
out in AL/ANON here where I live.It's a hard road.But try finding a group
where you live too.You'll be surprised to find friends to help.If it's
not listed as Alanon look for AA they'll tell you who to contact.I wish you
much luck.I'm thankful that my husband found his sobrity almost 15 mos ago.I
pray your daughter will too and soon. > All my best wishes Linda D.Gorham
> > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Kathleen Gray > To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com > Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2009 10:10 PM
> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
> > > > > > My 36 year old daughter has been diagnosed with liver disease and has been
in and out of the hospital since April, 2008. Even though she has been told
that she will die if she drinks, she continues to do so. She has a 6 year old
daughter, who is a beautful little girl. I have been supporting both of them
and taking care of my granddaughter for six years. Last Sunday, my daughter
had a seizure from alcohol withdrawal after a two week drinking binge. There
were days when she did not even see my granddaughter. Unfortunately, Bianca
(my granddaughter) was in bed with her mother when the seizure occurred. She
was so frightened that it took me an hour to calm her down. My daughter is
currently in the hospital being treated for alcohol withdrawal. The doctors
are trying to get her into a long term treatment facility. I am 61 years old,
employed full time, and under so much stress that I don't know where to
turn. I know that without my
> help, my granddaughter would be in Foster care. Her father, a cocaine
addict, took his own life in 2006. Nothing I have said to my daughter seems to
make a difference to her.
>
> I am just tired and scared. I joined your group because I thought it
might help me to cope with this very sad situation.
>
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