Hello...
I have been reading a lot of emails on here over the past year. I read them b/c I thought I was smarter & was handling my life better than the people who were writing. NOW, I find myself in the same boat and what I was silently telling people... leave him, just walk away, quit the codependency, blah blah... now all that is coming back to haunt me. To make a long story short, I have been married to a wonderful man who has always had a drinking problem. When he was working he had a few moments every month or so that were all nighters with hangovers. Now he's been laid off for over a year, he's not getting unemployment (due to our own mistakes), our house is in foreclosure, 2 pieces of land are in foreclosure, and we're facing bankruptcy also. So we've been arguing every day and I was constantly on him to get a job & helping around the house. I am a big bag of stress for all of the previous
reasons, in addition to dealing with my mother having liver cancer, and I may be laid off too. I love this man, and I know he loves me, but we're constantly at each other, blaming each other for things. Yesterday was the ultimate, I came home from work & he was drunk again but making dinner.... I started an argument he got mad he kicked a door in, and I called the police, he jumped in his truck to get away. He was arrested for domestic disorderly and a 4th OWI. I feel like I am to blame b/c I started the fight, even though I was so fed up with his drinking... the night before the fight he came home at 3am and woke me up making food in the kitchen, I lost a lot of sleep & we fought & I was late for work that day-- the same as a lot of other days this past year. I want him to not drink so much... he will drink until he can't drink anymore! He's passed out on the kiitchen floor & wet himself from it,
and he's way overweight (5 ft 9 at 370 lbs), I am so afraid he will kill himself. I still love him! I want to help him but he says this is who he is. My friend tells me maybe at his hearings I can tell the judge I'd like for them to order mandatory in-patient treatment. I feel so bad, like I abandoned him, and I'm to blame for this OWI. I know deep down I am being codependent, my friend tells me the same thing & I have to tell him enough is enough, if you want me you have to quit drinking. He is a great person when he's sober!!! But that's not very often anymore.
--- On Fri, 2/6/09, Linda Gorham <smurfette@...> wrote:
From: Linda Gorham <smurfette@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, February 6, 2009, 1:50 AM
If you need to talk to me my e-mail address is smurfette@vyn. midco.net
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, February 06, 2009 1:32 AM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
Hi my name is Linda: I'm in three different groups.There isn't much activity in recovery.So please try ALANON NOW,or CARING & SHARING,or COURAGE TO CHANGE.I'm sure one of those three can help you.You cannot force your daughter to quit drinking,she has to be the one to decide that.I found that out in AL/ANON here where I live.It's a hard road.But try finding a group where you live too.You'll be surprised to find friends to help.If it's not listed as Alanon look for AA they'll tell you who to contact.I wish you much luck.I'm thankful that my husband found his sobrity almost 15 mos ago.I pray your daughter will too and soon.
All my best wishes Linda D.Gorham
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2009 10:10 PM
Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH
My 36 year old daughter has been diagnosed with liver disease and has been in and out of the hospital since April, 2008. Even though she has been told that she will die if she drinks, she continues to do so. She has a 6 year old daughter, who is a beautful little girl. I have been supporting both of them and taking care of my granddaughter for six years. Last Sunday, my daughter had a seizure from alcohol withdrawal after a two week drinking binge. There were days when she did not even see my granddaughter. Unfortunately, Bianca (my granddaughter) was in bed with her mother when the seizure occurred. She was so frightened that it took me an hour to calm her down. My daughter is currently in the hospital being treated for alcohol withdrawal. The doctors are trying to get her into a long term treatment facility. I am 61 years old, employed full time, and under so much stress that I don't know
where to turn. I know that without my help, my granddaughter would be in Foster care. Her father, a cocaine addict, took his own life in 2006. Nothing I have said to my daughter seems to make a difference to her.
I am just tired and scared. I joined your group because I thought it might help me to cope with this very sad situation.
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