I am new here, and hoping to find some strength. It seems that's
what we all need to do what we know we must if we want a normal life
again. Reading your situation, everything seems black and white.
You need to leave, possibly move near your family and find some
friends that may encourage you to stay strong. I know it's difficult
to leave someone you love. You're children, as well as you are being
seriously abused by staying with him. My situation is similar, but
is my son. Don't have the courage to kick him out, he'd be on the
street, but know that's what I need to do. I just have to get up the
courage to do it. I too love this child more then anything in the
world, he's 32, not a child, but still my baby. I would miss the
quiet times with him, but they are getting farther and farther away.
He seems to manage to get into a drunken stouper more and more.

It really isn't fair to the rest of our families to put them in the
middle of this. My other 2 sons are retrieving farther and farther
away. They no longer want to hear the sad stories. It's like do
something or don't complain. My youngest said to me last night - you
are considered and insane person, as you keep doing the same thing
and expect a different result. I saw that posted here somewhere and
know that this is true. Would I miss not having to deal with this,
NO, but I would miss him and his son who comes here on weekends only.

I'm just hoping reading all these posts will give me the courage to
do what I've got to do.

May God give us the courage to do what we have to do. It would be so
wonderful to not have to deal with this any longer. Good luck and I
hope you eventually make the right choice.

Barbara

--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "Jake & Cheri"
<jjcarohl@...> wrote:
>
>
> Sounds like my situation.... you get promises of better behavior,
> and you believe it, but it never happens. Right now I don't have
> the strength to leave either, but I have made a promise to myself
> (and to him) that if he EVER gets another DUI (he has 3) I am
gone.
>
>
> --- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "Amysue Ryan"
> <ask_1974@> wrote:
> >
> > I have been a member of this site for a while but this is my
first
> > posting. I was always afraid my"A" would find out since he checks
> my
> > computer. I guess I am just to the point were I need some
support
> and
> > strength to move forward and do what needs to be done. Ive tried
> to
> > make it to a local meeting but out of fear that my "A" would find
> out
> > and flip out I have not gone but I am to the point were I have
> isolated
> > my self from everyone so I have no support system but I know what
> needs
> > to be done.
> > I will try not to write a book because I know many of you have
> been
> > through the same thing so I will try to keep it breif. I could
> > probable write a novel about my life but I will only give the
> recent
> > events.
> > I am 34 years old I have two children 12 and 14 I have been
> married to
> > my "A" for 15 years there has never been any type of physical
> violence
> > toward me or my children but he is very controlling,
> > manipulative,insecure and very verbally abusive.
> > His drinking is nothing new he has always been this way and it
> hits
> > highs and lows. Something with the law or some physical injury
> slows
> > him down but it always comes back.
> > In July 06 I could not take his drinking and behavior anymore so
I
> got
> > up the nerve and moved into a tiny apartment with my childrens
> where I
> > slept in the living room. He made sure he was there everyday,
> stopped
> > drinking and did everything in his power to make sure he would
get
> us
> > back. I filed for divorce, he went to rehab until the day of
> court,
> > then he stopped again and got me to put it in set aside so it was
> never
> > final but of course started drinking again. He then went sober
> again
> > for a while to get the kids and I to move into the house that he
> > bought "for his children" (bribe which I fell for)I moved to the
> house
> > March of this year. His drinking started as soon as I gave my
> notice
> > for my apartment but I really wanted a normal home so I moved
into
> the
> > house and hoped for the best. He drank daily until June 1 when he
> got
> > so drunk and went out at 2am got in a fight shattered his ankle
> > dislocated his shoulder and was wheelchair bound. I had an
> appointment
> > with the lawyer on June 3rd to start the divorce process again
> which of
> > course I cancelled to take care of him which I have done through
3
> > surgeries he started drinking several weeks after this then he
> realized
> > that I was upset so he stopped for the last 14 weeks until last
> week
> > when he had just one after work then a couple with the game until
> we
> > got to today. He came home from work around 2pm I happened to be
> home
> > from work he was already drinking then went to the store and
> picked up
> > a 12 pack. Things escalated as usual he was happy then a jerk.
> Our son
> > stayed in his room most of the time but when ever he saw our
> daughter
> > he only had hateful things to say to her and was yelling at her
> for no
> > reason until I stepped in and then we went at it until he comes
> back to
> > reality and claims he does not realize hes saying things and we
> should
> > know that he does not mean it blah blah blah!!! next thing I know
> he
> > falls out of the chair and is on the floor mumbling. I know this
> is an
> > awful situation for my children and they deserve so much more but
> I am
> > not sure why I cant make a decision and stick to it, I keep
> telling
> > them that I will take care of it but then I back down I know this
> is
> > not healthy for them or myself. I am at my wits end with my
> husband I
> > love him dearly but this life is not healthy and I have got to
> find
> > strength to walk away and stay away. I am an RN(BSN) working on
> my
> > MSN so I am very well educated in psychology and addiction and in
> my
> > head I understand the whole process and what needs to be done but
> for
> > some reason I cant do it. I have no family where I live, I dont
> have
> > any close friends left. If I do talk to someone I hate to even
> mention
> > anything because I feel that they are sick of hearing the same
old
> > thing and me not doing anything. I go to work everyday but i
dont
> > consider those people my friends just coworkers so I am basically
> by
> > myself and why I am requesting your support words of advice and
> > encouragement. I just need some help finding strength and
staying
> > strong to do what is right for me and my children.
> > Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.
> >
>