Amy Sue: Like many others on here I can relate to what you are
going through. Im currently in the midst of divorcing my "A" and its
been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, Just when I think Im strong
enough and know that what I am doing is the right thing I get a rush
of doubt and depressed and question my actions. I have a young son
from a previous marriage and that is one of the things that keeps me
moving in the right direction - fear of messing his life up. My "A"
manipulated me as well when the timing was right - tried to go to
rehab (he left early), got arrested and spent a couple of months in
jail...is now in a "program" but is still drinking..even after
losing me, our family, our life together, his job etc. he is still
doing what he does best. I ask myself why? Why doesnt he realize if
he just stopped and got help and worked his issues out he would have
me and his family back? I dont think I will ever find my answer or
have closure. I dont want to divorce him but I feel I have no
choice, its something that I need to do and that is what makes it
all the more difficult...Doing something you dont want to do but
realizing that you NEED to do it. You need to find a support
system, you need to detach it will be difficult but if you could
just eliminate the communication with him and seeing him, in time
you will build strength and it will be a little easier. I would also
suggest finding a good therapist to help you through. If he was
going to change he would have done so already. Make a list of all
that has changed since you married him 15 years ago..a list of the
good the bad and the ugly - sometimes when we see it in black &
white on paper over and over it will help sink in. I think finding
the time to go to an Alanon meeting and continuing to use this
website is a great start. Just know you are not alone and this is
going to be difficult but if "God brings us to it he will bring us
through it" Keep the Faith and Stay Strong!

God Bless,
Kara










--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "Amysue Ryan"
<ask_1974@...> wrote:
>
> I have been a member of this site for a while but this is my first
> posting. I was always afraid my"A" would find out since he checks
my
> computer. I guess I am just to the point were I need some support
and
> strength to move forward and do what needs to be done. Ive tried
to
> make it to a local meeting but out of fear that my "A" would find
out
> and flip out I have not gone but I am to the point were I have
isolated
> my self from everyone so I have no support system but I know what
needs
> to be done.
> I will try not to write a book because I know many of you have
been
> through the same thing so I will try to keep it breif. I could
> probable write a novel about my life but I will only give the
recent
> events.
> I am 34 years old I have two children 12 and 14 I have been
married to
> my "A" for 15 years there has never been any type of physical
violence
> toward me or my children but he is very controlling,
> manipulative,insecure and very verbally abusive.
> His drinking is nothing new he has always been this way and it
hits
> highs and lows. Something with the law or some physical injury
slows
> him down but it always comes back.
> In July 06 I could not take his drinking and behavior anymore so I
got
> up the nerve and moved into a tiny apartment with my childrens
where I
> slept in the living room. He made sure he was there everyday,
stopped
> drinking and did everything in his power to make sure he would get
us
> back. I filed for divorce, he went to rehab until the day of
court,
> then he stopped again and got me to put it in set aside so it was
never
> final but of course started drinking again. He then went sober
again
> for a while to get the kids and I to move into the house that he
> bought "for his children" (bribe which I fell for)I moved to the
house
> March of this year. His drinking started as soon as I gave my
notice
> for my apartment but I really wanted a normal home so I moved into
the
> house and hoped for the best. He drank daily until June 1 when he
got
> so drunk and went out at 2am got in a fight shattered his ankle
> dislocated his shoulder and was wheelchair bound. I had an
appointment
> with the lawyer on June 3rd to start the divorce process again
which of
> course I cancelled to take care of him which I have done through 3
> surgeries he started drinking several weeks after this then he
realized
> that I was upset so he stopped for the last 14 weeks until last
week
> when he had just one after work then a couple with the game until
we
> got to today. He came home from work around 2pm I happened to be
home
> from work he was already drinking then went to the store and
picked up
> a 12 pack. Things escalated as usual he was happy then a jerk.
Our son
> stayed in his room most of the time but when ever he saw our
daughter
> he only had hateful things to say to her and was yelling at her
for no
> reason until I stepped in and then we went at it until he comes
back to
> reality and claims he does not realize hes saying things and we
should
> know that he does not mean it blah blah blah!!! next thing I know
he
> falls out of the chair and is on the floor mumbling. I know this
is an
> awful situation for my children and they deserve so much more but
I am
> not sure why I cant make a decision and stick to it, I keep
telling
> them that I will take care of it but then I back down I know this
is
> not healthy for them or myself. I am at my wits end with my
husband I
> love him dearly but this life is not healthy and I have got to
find
> strength to walk away and stay away. I am an RN(BSN) working on
my
> MSN so I am very well educated in psychology and addiction and in
my
> head I understand the whole process and what needs to be done but
for
> some reason I cant do it. I have no family where I live, I dont
have
> any close friends left. If I do talk to someone I hate to even
mention
> anything because I feel that they are sick of hearing the same old
> thing and me not doing anything. I go to work everyday but i dont
> consider those people my friends just coworkers so I am basically
by
> myself and why I am requesting your support words of advice and
> encouragement. I just need some help finding strength and staying
> strong to do what is right for me and my children.
> Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.
>