Sounds like my situation.... you get promises of better behavior,
and you believe it, but it never happens. Right now I don't have
the strength to leave either, but I have made a promise to myself
(and to him) that if he EVER gets another DUI (he has 3) I am gone.


--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "Amysue Ryan"
<ask_1974@...> wrote:
>
> I have been a member of this site for a while but this is my first
> posting. I was always afraid my"A" would find out since he checks
my
> computer. I guess I am just to the point were I need some support
and
> strength to move forward and do what needs to be done. Ive tried
to
> make it to a local meeting but out of fear that my "A" would find
out
> and flip out I have not gone but I am to the point were I have
isolated
> my self from everyone so I have no support system but I know what
needs
> to be done.
> I will try not to write a book because I know many of you have
been
> through the same thing so I will try to keep it breif. I could
> probable write a novel about my life but I will only give the
recent
> events.
> I am 34 years old I have two children 12 and 14 I have been
married to
> my "A" for 15 years there has never been any type of physical
violence
> toward me or my children but he is very controlling,
> manipulative,insecure and very verbally abusive.
> His drinking is nothing new he has always been this way and it
hits
> highs and lows. Something with the law or some physical injury
slows
> him down but it always comes back.
> In July 06 I could not take his drinking and behavior anymore so I
got
> up the nerve and moved into a tiny apartment with my childrens
where I
> slept in the living room. He made sure he was there everyday,
stopped
> drinking and did everything in his power to make sure he would get
us
> back. I filed for divorce, he went to rehab until the day of
court,
> then he stopped again and got me to put it in set aside so it was
never
> final but of course started drinking again. He then went sober
again
> for a while to get the kids and I to move into the house that he
> bought "for his children" (bribe which I fell for)I moved to the
house
> March of this year. His drinking started as soon as I gave my
notice
> for my apartment but I really wanted a normal home so I moved into
the
> house and hoped for the best. He drank daily until June 1 when he
got
> so drunk and went out at 2am got in a fight shattered his ankle
> dislocated his shoulder and was wheelchair bound. I had an
appointment
> with the lawyer on June 3rd to start the divorce process again
which of
> course I cancelled to take care of him which I have done through 3
> surgeries he started drinking several weeks after this then he
realized
> that I was upset so he stopped for the last 14 weeks until last
week
> when he had just one after work then a couple with the game until
we
> got to today. He came home from work around 2pm I happened to be
home
> from work he was already drinking then went to the store and
picked up
> a 12 pack. Things escalated as usual he was happy then a jerk.
Our son
> stayed in his room most of the time but when ever he saw our
daughter
> he only had hateful things to say to her and was yelling at her
for no
> reason until I stepped in and then we went at it until he comes
back to
> reality and claims he does not realize hes saying things and we
should
> know that he does not mean it blah blah blah!!! next thing I know
he
> falls out of the chair and is on the floor mumbling. I know this
is an
> awful situation for my children and they deserve so much more but
I am
> not sure why I cant make a decision and stick to it, I keep
telling
> them that I will take care of it but then I back down I know this
is
> not healthy for them or myself. I am at my wits end with my
husband I
> love him dearly but this life is not healthy and I have got to
find
> strength to walk away and stay away. I am an RN(BSN) working on
my
> MSN so I am very well educated in psychology and addiction and in
my
> head I understand the whole process and what needs to be done but
for
> some reason I cant do it. I have no family where I live, I dont
have
> any close friends left. If I do talk to someone I hate to even
mention
> anything because I feel that they are sick of hearing the same old
> thing and me not doing anything. I go to work everyday but i dont
> consider those people my friends just coworkers so I am basically
by
> myself and why I am requesting your support words of advice and
> encouragement. I just need some help finding strength and staying
> strong to do what is right for me and my children.
> Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.
>