Hi,
This is my first posting here though joined awhile ago. I grew up with an N and
for most of my life could not even touch anger within myself, just could not
access it. Now, after six or seven years with a man who is also an N I am
yelling all the time! If I'm stressed I yell. I sound like a nut, but I don't
suffer in silence like I used to. I have also finally learned to stand up for
myself. I never could before this relationship - never had to I guess - hahaha!

Nothing I do is enough, or good enough, ever. I brought in a woman to live on
the property as a caretaker: She can do nothing wrong though her home is a
mess, her yard a mess. Like him, she tells a good story for herself. Everyone
everywhere is great, everyone but me. She seems to have designs on him. She
will get exactly what she deserves.....

I am tired of walking on eggshells, never being able to plan or depend on
anything with him, sick of trying to cope in his non-reality. I have a friend
with a daughter who is schizophrenic and she tells me the same kind of stories I
tell her. It's all about them getting their way irregardless of consequences,
and bad outcomes are never their fault, ever.

I have a lot of animals that would have a rough time if I left them with him, I
cannot take them with me, and of course I am destitute from living with him. I
can never do enough, never give enough, never give up enough for him, never do
enough hard manual labor for him. And he hates it when he can't get me cowed
and cowering and agreeing to all the nasty things he says about me. My day will
come. There are so many wonderful things in our life, it's too bad that he
doesn't appreciate them like I do. Too bad for him. Too bad for my animals and
me.

Thanks for letting me share,
I heartily encourage walking away at the first sign that someone is not what
they should be.
DD





--- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, "Jackalene" <sunnydayzeahead@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, quicksilver1622 <quicksilver1622@>
wrote:
> >thanks Christine...but has anyone else copied thier abusive partners abusive
ways.....? that is the part that bothers me the most..that i am now acting..no
different than he does.....ugh
> > Jackalene,
> > I consider you've not lost yourself at all... yes, there's been a departure
but if he'd "won" you wouldn't protest.  So perhaps you have just arrived
at that perfect place where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - of anyone's shadow and negative
behaviors, and you are truly ready to claim and heal yourself and your life as
never before.
> > Run to this site - www.saferelationships.com  Sandra Brown has very powerful
information that works!
> > You are better than you know.  Don't even give him any more power by beating
yourself.
> > Blessings to you, 
> >
> >
> > Christine
> >  
> > "Well-behaved women rarely make history."
> >   -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
> >
> > --- On Thu, 6/25/09, Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > From: Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@>
> > Subject: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> > To: Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com
> > Date: Thursday, June 25, 2009, 11:16 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I have been married(my second marriage) to my spouse for six year. when we
first me...he was wonderful..attentiv e, loving, fun,exciting, ..honestly. ..the
perfect person.....there were shades of emotional manipulation i had
noticed..but. ..all the wonderful things seemed to balance it all out...The day
we were married.(a very simple ceremony..only parents and witnesses) we were to
meet for lunch...to steal a few special momments before our lifelong
commitment.. .i waited for him to show up..for over an hour..called his cell..no
answer..an hour before the ceremony...he called and said how excited he was to
see me..and brought me a pair of diamond earings..when i asked where he was for
lunch..he blew up..saying how he was out doing somthing nice for me, then said
he regretted it since i was giving the third degree.i was so confused..and felt
guilty for asking after recieving the earings so i said nothing..... ....wedding
went fine..he did not want to be
> > intimate that nite, nor the next five years..with the exception of
approximately five times....during the five year span...verbally he came
insultive... i just ignored it...then he started ignoring me...i thought i was
doing somthing wrong..so i strived sooo hard to be "better" at everything for
him...i only seemed to agrivate him further..yet still i begged..and pleaded for
his love..and attention..which seemed to empower him further..finally after 4
years he moved out..telling me he was giving me three months to get my self
together...and after i did that he would come back...i did everything he
asked..and he stayed gone ...for an entire year...the whole time..he would not
answer my calls..but he would call me...he would not open his door..unless he
invited me over..his place was a pigsty...i would clean it..he was broke..i
bought him food..and cooked for several meals weekly... daily..i would
cry..asking if he was being unfaithful.. he would tell
> > me..in cold hard words yes i love you..now shut up...no i am not screwing
around on you..now shut up or i will...it all seems like a whirlwind... .he
moved back..and it is worse than ever..we live in a home that my parents bought
for my inheritance. ..he will not leave...and threatens me if i kick him out and
divorce him..he will take half the house..and anything else i have..which is not
much..as my first husband took everything when he left...
> > the last year..when my husband and i argue....i have begun being sooo nasty
verbally...i have started speaking in a way that shocks me..it is exactly how he
speaks to me...but that is him...and now..i have turned into that.....omg.
..where can i get supports...to get the strenghth to get him out...and keep him
out..adn stop my abusive behaviors... i hate myself soo much right now for
lowering myself to this level..and for loosing myself to this "man"
> >
>