If you heard someone else tell you of a woman who said that to her partner, what
would you think? You wouldn't think bad about the guy, but about how rude it is
of her to say something like that.

It's hard to get over being used, I admit. But remember... she can't hurt you
now, unless you let her. How? By believing what she said, by letting her
comments get to you and so on. You can't change the past. I wish I could go
back eight years. Even one year and do things different. I wish I had never
let my abuser back into my life. But I can't change it. I just know that I
don't want to be in the same place a year from now, wishing this year I had made
the change. You can't let her haunt you like this.

It's all good in writing and I can write it over and over, but it has to come
from within you when you are ready. When you are ready to draw a solid line and
say from this point forward, I will be stronger and no longer let her hurt me,
then the healing can begin. I'm also NOT a believer in revenge. That's low.
The best thing is to cut these people out of your life. There actions will
teach them a lesson eventually. You need not worry. Just get on with finding
happiness for yourself. I know... easier said then done. I just hope that you
can start healing soon.

Sending love and peace...
Saba.

--- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, Bk The Bead Guy <beadguy@...> wrote:
>
> I guess the hard part for me inside is that she picked me apart on issues she
knew I was insecure on.  I am in the Detroit area, and people are losing jobs
here left and right.  I made the mistake of starting a company in the worst
climate, but I survived and I am able to pay my bills but I cant afford to pay
hers too.  After everything I went thru to turn this around, all she could do is
say is that she is tired of feeling guilty for ordering off a menu when we went
out.  It hurt because I wanted our time to be special.  This would have been
easier on me if she wasnt so incredible as a friend before, but to turn on me
like it was nothing has really screwed me up inside.  I am coming out of the
fog, but I just cant get my head wrapped around the fact that I was used.
> Brian
>
> --- On Wed, 7/1/09, canadiansaba <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
>
>
> From: canadiansaba <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
> Subject: Re: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> To: Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 6:24 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Bead Guy.
>
> It's hard to do and easier to say... but who cares what she says. I sat long
and hard one day thinking why I always needed to explain my side of things to my
abuser. Why? It was because what he thought of me really mattered. So, this is
what I needed to work on. I didn't want to care what he thought.
>
> I certainly think bad of him, but I don't see him trying to prove himself
wrong. The only way he knows how to do that is to blame me for his actions. To
leave me looking internally at myself, so that I can't focus on him.
>
> Well, who cares what he thinks. In your case, try to train your mind to not
care what she thinks. The more you care, the more she can hurt you. She's moved
on. I believe in karma but even if you don't know that if she was abusive with
you, she will be with someone else and leave it at that. You focus on you. Not
in the negative way she wants but in a postive way. Again, each time you care
what she thinks, remember how she didn't care when she was hurting you.
>
> Saba.
>
> --- In Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com, Bk The Bead Guy <beadguy@ > wrote:
> >
> > How and when does the pain of being used go away?  I cant trust, I dont
beleive anything anyone says, I long for the woman I thought I knew and believed
in, and its all gone.  I stand here alone, and she found somebody new in alittle
over a month and says I am the blame of our relationship ending.  I know I am
not, but what happened I will never know.  I dont want to become a horrible
person who uses, but it seems like that is all there is out there.  I am so
ashamed of myself as a person for giving my heart to a woman who says cheating
on her ex spouse for over 8 years is not that "bad", and somehow I keep thinking
about her good qualities instead of the fact that she is an evil person who uses
everyone for something.  How do you look past all the good, and just see the
evil?  I miss my best friend.
> >
> > --- On Tue, 6/30/09, Regina Barnes <ginateresawoohoo@ ...> wrote:
> >
> >
> > From: Regina Barnes <ginateresawoohoo@ ...>
> > Subject: Re: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> > To: Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com
> > Date: Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 2:39 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Well said, Lea!  I agree.  I, myself, have turned into an actor...I feel
that way sometimes.  It does seem that everywhere you look, there are P's and
N's.  It has destroyed the possibility of trust for me at this point.  I don't
want to remain this way.  It is a dog eat dog world, but I know there are good
people out there too.  I just haven't surrounded myself with them or made good
choices about other people's character.  Truly, the few years in hell I spent
with the deceiving devil, I've learned alot of lessons about myself.  And I
think THAT is for the good!!!
> >
> > --- On Fri, 6/26/09, lea guider <phoenixfiretn70@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> >
> > From: lea guider <phoenixfiretn70@ yahoo.com>
> > Subject: Re: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> > To: Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com
> > Date: Friday, June 26, 2009, 10:06 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > yes,  in many ways i think it is our nature to be nurtured into being like
them.  once, i was filled with love, empathy, and compassion.  now, i am just as
bad as they are.  a decade of hell has taught me that it is a dog eat dog
world.  we become situationally narcissistic as a defense mechanism.  to get rid
of this person in your life, you are going to have to be just as nasty and
manipulative.  i would like to wish you butterflies and roses, but that is not
what the world has become.  everywhere i look, there are N's and P's.  we are
either going to keep being run over by them or summon up the evil within us and
get back what was stolen. 
> >
> > --- On Fri, 6/26/09, Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@ yahoo.ca> wrote:
> >
> >
> > From: Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@ yahoo.ca>
> > Subject: Re: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> > To: Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com
> > Date: Friday, June 26, 2009, 6:24 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com, quicksilver1622 <quicksilver1622@
...> wrote:
> > >thanks Christine... but has anyone else copied thier abusive partners
abusive ways.....? that is the part that bothers me the most..that i am now
acting..no different than he does.....ugh
> > > Jackalene,
> > > I consider you've not lost yourself at all... yes, there's been a
departure but if he'd "won" you wouldn't protest.  So perhaps you have
just arrived at that perfect place where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - of anyone's shadow
and negative behaviors, and you are truly ready to claim and heal yourself and
your life as never before.
> > > Run to this site - www.saferelationshi ps.com  Sandra Brown has very
powerful information that works!
> > > You are better than you know.  Don't even give him any more power by
beating yourself.
> > > Blessings to you, 
> > >
> > >
> > > Christine
> > >  
> > > "Well-behaved women rarely make history."
> > >   -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
> > >
> > > --- On Thu, 6/25/09, Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@ ...> wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > > From: Jackalene <sunnydayzeahead@ ...>
> > > Subject: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] help.......
> > > To: Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com
> > > Date: Thursday, June 25, 2009, 11:16 PM
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > I have been married(my second marriage) to my spouse for six year. when we
first me...he was wonderful..attentiv e, loving, fun,exciting, ..honestly. ..the
perfect person.....there were shades of emotional manipulation i had
noticed..but. ..all the wonderful things seemed to balance it all out...The day
we were married.(a very simple ceremony..only parents and witnesses) we were to
meet for lunch...to steal a few special momments before our lifelong
commitment.. .i waited for him to show up..for over an hour..called his cell..no
answer..an hour before the ceremony...he called and said how excited he was to
see me..and brought me a pair of diamond earings..when i asked where he was for
lunch..he blew up..saying how he was out doing somthing nice for me, then said
he regretted it since i was giving the third degree.i was so confused..and felt
guilty for asking after recieving the earings so i said nothing..... ....wedding
went fine..he did not want to
> be
> > > intimate that nite, nor the next five years..with the exception of
approximately five times....during the five year span...verbally he came
insultive... i just ignored it...then he started ignoring me...i thought i was
doing somthing wrong..so i strived sooo hard to be "better" at everything for
him...i only seemed to agrivate him further..yet still i begged..and pleaded for
his love..and attention..which seemed to empower him further..finally after 4
years he moved out..telling me he was giving me three months to get my self
together...and after i did that he would come back...i did everything he
asked..and he stayed gone ...for an entire year...the whole time..he would not
answer my calls..but he would call me...he would not open his door..unless he
invited me over..his place was a pigsty...i would clean it..he was broke..i
bought him food..and cooked for several meals weekly... daily..i would
cry..asking if he was being unfaithful.. he would tell
> > > me..in cold hard words yes i love you..now shut up...no i am not screwing
around on you..now shut up or i will...it all seems like a whirlwind... .he
moved back..and it is worse than ever..we live in a home that my parents bought
for my inheritance. ..he will not leave...and threatens me if i kick him out and
divorce him..he will take half the house..and anything else i have..which is not
much..as my first husband took everything when he left...
> > > the last year..when my husband and i argue....i have begun being sooo
nasty verbally...i have started speaking in a way that shocks me..it is exactly
how he speaks to me...but that is him...and now..i have turned into
that.....omg. ..where can i get supports...to get the strenghth to get him
out...and keep him out..adn stop my abusive behaviors... i hate myself soo much
right now for lowering myself to this level..and for loosing myself to this
"man"
> > >
> >
>