I found my mail all 83 new unread messages were in the TrashFolder - isn't Yahoo wonderful

 

My name is Morrigan and I was abused by my Mother - neglected by my

father and married a dominating' controlling man - I never did anything right for him - I was stupid - a botched abortion - evil - you name it -

 

I divorced this Man back in 1987 - but then in 1994 he came to me begging for me to take care of him - he had throat cancer from Agent Orange in Nam and they only gave him about 6 months to live. since I was a Nurse - naturally he would come to me - and all the harsh words and names he had called me long forgotten -

 

I had been on my own for while by then - and he wanted me to make sure that once he died I would contact the Air Force to fly his body  to Ft. Sam Houston National Cemetery - since that's where our 14 yr olf Son is buried. I felt I owed him that much - well that was 15 years ago - his cancer went into remission - but it came back. When he was sick he was as gentle as a lamb - too sick to be mean - but over the past few years he has become a terror - he curses me - he throws things - more out of frustation because he can not talk and made up his own sign language which I can't always understand - but I am supposed to understand -

 

I have taken care of his

colostomy - then they reversed it and he had a wonderful staph infection and that's how the VA sent him home - after all - he had me. When we first talked about this I was only supposed to oversee his care - well he is too cheap to hire a Nurse - and the VA has run out of money.

 

He is the most unreasonable person I have ever met - he will tell me what to do with my hair - he will tell me what to wear - and how to live and how to excercise - and to go out and find Friends - forgetting that he has me on a long string - and is always pulling it. My Mother was exactly the same - and I know that cycle only too well.

 

His J tube (feeding tube going into intestines - bypassing stomach) has almost totally disappeared now - and when I called another Nurse - we both know that this tube has . punctured something somewhere - but he refuses to go in' I had Medical Power of Attorney - thought if I called the Sherrif and an Ambulance - he revoked my POA right there - so I made a

statement that I will no longer be responsible for his care - if he wants to committ suicide in slow motion - so be it. I have warned him for weeks and weeks - and I told him if he could not do as I told him what he needed to do - he promised - but he never did keep a promise..

 

I live upstairs in his House - I have been on Disability since 1996 - and he did not ask for much rent - so that  worked out well -

But now he has totally destroyed my inner being - me - and any motivation to take care of him no matter how sorry I feel for him.

Of course I feel guilty for abandoning him since he can not speak - and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring -

My finances are not enough to let me live somewhere with my dogs which is the only thing I have left - I love them more than I love myself..

 

I would like to get some input on all this - am I too hard and too cruel? I myself am Bipolar/Depressive and every Day is a struggle as it is.

 

Morrigan

 

 

  

 

 

---

From: "morriganblack@ ymail.com" <morriganblack@ ymail.com>
To: Psychopathsgroup@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2009 8:59:41 AM
Subject: [Psychopaths and Narcissists group] New Here

I think I have been accepted into this
group -It says I am a member.

Wehen I opened Yahoo Mail this Morning I had a bunch of Mail which all of a sudden disappeared. I am going to call Yahoo since I have Mail Plus - Maybe they can send again -

I will introduce myself properly - when I get to my mail - I am at a loss as to what happened -

I am happy to be here - so please be patient with me - I have more problems than the old woman in the shoe -

Morrigan



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