Thank you everyone.

I was talking to a friend last night, and he asked me in different
ways why I take the blame, until I could finally answer.

I've been in this relationship for six years now. It's years of my
b/f telling me after each argument to go think of what I did.
Especially the times I'd ask "what did I do?". He'd say go think
about what just happened. I'd ask if he'd do the same and he'd say
he didn't need to waste his time on this shit, because he didn't do
anything wrong. Then the next day he'd "disappear", meaning he'd
ensure there was no contact between us. So, for days and weeks I'd
go over the situation a million times and more, finding flaw with
what I did. Usually I'd start calling and apologizing for my
behaviour. Over and over I'd do this until one day I'd get a hold
of him, and he'd say that he needed time because of what I did.

Now, he said the same thing, that I should go write it down what
happened until I realize what I did. If I need to cry or complain
he said to go put my friends through that shit because he has no
time for me. I've gone through what I did, and I am now blaming
myself again. I know that it's wrong of him to tell me to think but
I can always see my fault. Always without fail.

The only reason I thought he was an N was because of how much
attention he gives himself. He needs to be successful, he needs to
be the best dressed, he needs to have the best car and so on. His
coffee and food have to be the right temp. or they are sent back,
when we go out. But that has nothing to do with how he treats me,
those are his things. I am more concerned with why can't we just
talk. I don't yell when I raise my concern. I only ask for
fairness. Yet, now I'm told that I need help and the I'm mentally
ill. I said "what do you want from me?" and the response was that I
couldn't give what he wanted. He wants simple peace of mind and I
don't know how to give him that because I cause problems. I know
how to be good for a day or two and then I'm back to myself and I
cause the problems.

I am now scared he may be right. I want to make him see that I'm
human or that I exist. I'm feeling my heartbeat racing and I'm
having a hard time sleeping. I'm scared about him being right.

I don't have to fear him calling me or contacting me. He knows that
is the best way to hurt me, and that I always come crying and
begging for forgiveness. Now, he tells me he doesn't need my
apologies so I can't apologize for anything. If I say I won't do it
again, he says I should have said it before or thought about it
befor doing my shit. So, I can't do or say anything to make him
stop hurting me like this.

Thanks again everyone. I'm just scared he's right about what I do
yet wrong about his treatment. Thanks for reading my long mail.

Saba

--- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, Anntnwv@... wrote:
>
> My mother was told by my N dad that she was crazy. He would turn
the burners
> on the stove and not light them (gas) and tell her she did. He
did all kinds
> of stuff like that. She said one time that she was afraid she
would go crazy
> like he always said she would.
>
> He was a N and then I went and married a N and stayed married for
18 years
> and had 3 children that were in the home with him. They never
wanted to see
> their N granddad when they became adults. None of his 5
grandchildren did. My
> sister and I went to see him. My sister lived in the town and
neglected her
> children for him. She could never please him. He demanded all her
time.
> Ann in Nashville
>
>
> In a message dated 5/4/2008 4:19:11 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
> scott_1971_h@... writes:
>
>
>
>
> Below is the narcissist's red jumbo-sized flag in neon lights.....
>
> Scott
> On Sun, 2008-05-04 at 01:53 +0000, canadiansaba wrote:
> > I was told by my b/f that I am mentally ill and need to get
> > help. He said normal people don't act like me, they don't cry
and
> > complain like I do.
>
> Send instant messages to your online friends
_http://au.messengerhttp://au._
> (http://au.messenger.yahoo.com/)
>
>
>
>
>
>
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>