Along the way to finally making your decision, learn as much as you
can as fast as you can and protect yourself financially and
emotionally.

Be straight with Yourself. To use good judgment and make wise
decisions about the prospects for change in your abusive partner,
you need to be honest with yourself. Because you love him or you
have children with him, or leaving him would be difficult for other
reasons, you may be solely temped to get overly hopeful about small
concessions that he finally makes. If he doesn't budge for five
years, or twenty years, and then he finally moves an inch your
exhaustion can make you think, "Hay! An inch! That's progress! You
may wish to overlook all the glaring signs indicating that his basic
attitudes and strategies remain intact. Beware of his deception and
your own self-deception. I have heard such heart-rending sadness in
the voices of many dozens of abused women who have said to me "I
wish I could somehow recover all those years I wasted waiting around
for him to deal with his issues."
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,
Lundy Bancroft

Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he
believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work
this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can't
imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you
don't seem to be living up to his image of the perfect, all giving,
deferential woman.
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,
Lundy Bancroft

"If only he tried hard enough", "If he only really wanted to
heal", "If only we found the right therapy", "If only his defences
were down", "There MUST be something good and worthy under the
hideous facade", "NO ONE can be that evil and destructive", "He must
have meant it differently" "God, or a higher being, or the spirit,
or the soul is the solution and the answer to our prayers". The
narcissist holds such thinking in barely undisguised contempt. To
him, it is a sign of weakness, the scent of prey, a gaping
vulnerability. He uses and abuses this human need for order, good,
and meaning - as he uses and abuses all other human needs.
Gullibility, selective blindness, malignant optimism - these are the
weapons of the beast. And the abused are hard at work to provide it
with its arsenal.
Article "The Malignant Optimism of the Abused" - Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html









--- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, syl doll
<nomorereading@y...> wrote:
> Dear Darla, I can see the game but keep hoping somehow it will
change. I have seen changes since I left which he says will
continue. I guess I should know that it's just another game. It is
just so new don't know how to be yet. thanks for the support. syl.
>
> Darla <femfree@y...> wrote:Oh how I wish that were true. But the
fact is that the evil ones
> often reach the pinnacle having climbed on the backs of those they
> abused. I'm always glad when one or two of them (Scott Peterson)
get
> their comeuppances. I wish a lot more would, but they play the
game
> out to its finish before we even know the game is scheduled.
>
> The conmen, tricksters, tyrannts (in and out of politics and the
> corporate psychopaths) often succeed. But ain't it sweet when they
> don't.
>
> You take care
> femfree
> Their drug of choice is putting one over on you.
> Emotional Vampires By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D
> http://psy.rin.ru/eng/article/138-101.html
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, syl doll
> <nomorereading@y...> wrote:
> > thanks fo much for the positive responses. I do not want
revenge
> just justice. I believe that right floats to the top. I do.
thanks
> sylvia.
> >
> > Darla <femfree@y...> wrote:Hi. We all get thoughts of revenge,
> vengeance and justice. Just
> > don't act on them LOL.
> >
> > Let your lawyer handle things. NPs will only try to manipulate
you
> > any way they can.
> >
> > Be strong, Hang in there.
> > Take Care
> > femfree
> >
> >
> > --- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, syl doll
> > <nomorereading@y...> wrote:
> > > Dear Darla, thanks for the contact so quickly. How do you
ease
> > you inner spirit of being horribly cruel. That's what I am
> battling
> > with right now. I have never been mean and feel very mean right
> > now. I am struggling with that very much. I still have some
> > business to deal with regarding posessions in a divorce how do I
> > have no contact with that?? sylvia
> > >
> > > Darla <femfree@y...> wrote:I hope you are able to stay away.
No
> > Contact is what puts sanity
> > > into an insane situation.
> > >
> > > We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we
> want
> > > but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard,
want
> > > them to know the pain they've caused but they are never going
to
> > > listen and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we
often
> > miss
> > > is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More.
> It
> > is
> > > yourvoice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as
> if
> > > you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to the Devil."
No
> > > Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering.
It
> is
> > > your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most
> hurtful
> > > narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally
come
> to
> > > understand you know just who and what they are. They know the
> > tricks
> > > do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a
pawn
> > in
> > > their game. It is your last word - you have donemore harm to
> them
> > > by refusing contact than anything I can think of.
> > > No Contact
> > >
> >
>
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/nocontact.msnw
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --- In Psychopathsgroup@yahoogroups.com, syl doll
> > > <nomorereading@y...> wrote:
> > > > trying to get through not going back to a bad situation. any
> > help
> > > would be appreciated.
> > > >
> > > >
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