Thank you to those of you with suggestions. In answer, I didn't
forbid my daughter's father from visitation. It was court ordered
and meant to be temporary. We were supposed to go to court to
hammer out details. He has balked at going back to court because he
is afraid he will have to pay more child support. He tried to make
me look bad financially and bragged about his abilities to make more
money and basically painted himself into a corner.
I've learned that if I completely ignore him- and that means not
telling him exactly what I think of him- I have a bit more control.
He knows he can get to me by using my daughter. Also, in the process
of causing all this chaos he tries to impress everyone else with what
a "good dad" he is. He has gone so far as to talk to each and every
one of my neighbors, every teacher, and even my landlord. I had to
move from the house I had lived in for three years because of this.
I don't talk to any of my neighbors now because I'm afraid he will
grill them. He also went to my job and that equals a job change. I
live in a small town and people are willing to talk. Not always
saying bad things, but by the time he is finished with them I look
like the most terrible person. My daughter even had to change
classes as a result of his poison. He had her teacher convinced she
had ADD- which I had her tested for- she is fine. The psychiatrist
said he felt any problems she was having were a result of the way the
teacher treated her which caused anxiety. I think the most
frightening thing about him is his seemingly endless energy. It
seems to be driven by evil, because I don't know any other normal
human who could do all the things he does. I would love to move far
away, but my lawyer says that I might lose my daughter if I do. All
of this not to mention how bad he made me feel about myself for a
while. I still do at times, but I am healing. I just don't want my
daughter to feel the same way. Luckily, she sees through him in a
way that I couldn't. She doesn't really even want to visit him. He
drinks a lot, leaves her with other people all the time, and she
doesn't feel safe with him.