Hi Jen and Welcome. You sound like such an intelligent, level-headed
person. We can't detect them in the beginning because they go to
such extreme lengths to hide their Jekyll/Hyde personalities and
unless one is an expert N-detector - and who can possibly have those
skills, they are very successful at hooking a target.

That's what you were - a target for him.

Now, the part of his trying to hoover you back into the relationship
MAY begin. Some do (most in fact) however, others give up, they know
the game is over and they move on. And, when they do try to hoover
us back it becomes up to us to end it.
Here's a quote from Dr. Sam Vaknin that helps explain the
N's 'twisted' thinking

A post-mortem of a relationship conducted with a narcissist is very
frustrating because it never achieves closure. The narcissist is
interested exclusively in allocating blame and generating guilt -
not in progressing, developing, atoning, soothing, or concluding
anything. Such exercises in futility are best avoided.
Sam Vaknin, PhD, Author Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited
http://samvak.tripod.com/thebook.html

The very best therapists tell us to self impose a rigid "No Contact"
period with the N. It's difficult to see the forest for the trees in
these relationsips and that precious time we take for ourselves is
where the constant chaos, confusion and their abusive behaviours
comes out with learning as much as we can as fast as we can and
protecting ourselves financially and emotionally - a must for all of
us.

I know you'll do well Jen. You are a strong lady and quite frankly
you are able to see through him quickly and take steps to eliminate
the craziness from your life by moving. Your daughter has a rich
example in you of how to say 'No' to life's bullies - well done.

Welcome again, and please do feel free to visit our Psychopath and
Narcissistic PD forums

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/home1.msnw

http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH/home.msnw

Our forums offer over 1000 links to learn about these disorders and
incuded are hundreds about learning about ourselves. After all,
that's the best lesson of all isn't it.

And, LOL $1.99 for his spaghetti is way too much!! LOL

Taking great care - of ourselves
femfree
(financial and emotional freedom)
The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object
of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS
abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core
of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults,
demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates, controls.
All these are forms of abuse.
What kind of a spouse/mate/partner is likely to be attracted to a
Narcissist? Faq#6 - Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html