There are many articles written about victims of Narcissistic
Personality Disorder ("NPD"). Most of which I have read are regarding
spouses or romantic interests. My understanding is that a person
emotionally involved with a narcissistic person is more likely to keep
their "BIG SECRET", protect and even lie for them. I am seeking
information regarding a person who is basically a third party, knows
too much and is perceived by the NPD to be treat in exposing his "BIG
SECRET". The following represents some events leading up to my
concerns for safety.

My husband and I over a period of 4-5 years have be-friended a couple
in their forties. We, are also in our forties. In the beginning we
had a lot of fun together. The husband was loud, funny, and very
entertaining. The wife was fun also but more of a needy personality
type. We noticed things that were very different from own
relationship, such as sudden outbreaks of anger, inappropriate and
degrading language exchanged in public, etc. Almost immediately after
one of these episodes, this couple would be nauseatingly affectionate
with one another. Mostly prompted by the husband. If my husband had
ever disrespected me in such a fashion it would have taken me weeks to
get over it, if at all. It never seemed to affect her. At that point,
I realized that it probably happened frequently and it was normal in
their relationship. It still concerned me. For a time, I kept myself
convinced that this couple was just raised differently than the rest
of our social group. Less polished and lacking in social graces. Or
so I thought.

I have read quite a bit on personality disorders and I probably have
just enough psychology background to make an educated guess as to what
the real problem is. As you read on, you will understand what drove
my interest in personality disorder research.

As time has gone on we have been called to the rescue of the wife
several times involving physical abuse. Upon our arrival the husband
pretends that he has been asleep the entire time and has no idea of
what his wife is accusing him of. As we search for the wife, (who
initially made the call for help) we will find her huddled in a locked
bathroom or thrown out of the car by the side of the road with her
cell phone in hand. Sometimes cuts and bruises and always visibly
shaken up. He will stick to his story. One episode involved a loaded
9-mm gun that he held to her temple as her strangled her and accused
her of being a whore and a slut and he was going to f..king kill her!

I know at this point it all sounds pretty white trashy, but this is
happening in a very affluent upscale area. True enough, if she chose
to leave she'd be worth well over a million dollars by California's
50-50 law.

Right after the gun episode, the gun was taken to another friend's
house for "safekeeping". The husband told these friends that he
feared that his wife would use it on herself, that she was menopausal
and delusional. The NPD chose another friends house because the NPD
thought that the other couple and we would never discuss such a
sensitive subject. Typical behavior for a NPD (he's far more
intelligent than every one else. and no one will ever question his
statements)

This man is successful and has powerful connections (all the way to
the top). He is successful but not educated. His success, as with
most NPD's has been attained by intimidating, cheating and discarding
people along the way. Socially most of us have distanced ourselves
from him because he is embarssingly loud, extremely sexually crude and
condescending to his wife and females in general. When in the company
of only men, this man will boost in explicit detail what he going to
do to his wife sexually when he gets home. Most of these men being
very polished and refined are shocked and mortified, but say nothing.

If I might use an analogy, I would compare this man to the movie
"Sleeping with the Enemy" multiplied by 5. The wife however is NOT
JULIA ROBERTS. She has no sense of self left. While in the state of
"Rescue Mode" she will divulged horrific stories of her abuse at the
hand of her husband and agree that he needs serious help. But
literally within hours she will want to go back to him.
"He's had a rough life", "His stepfather molested him","He can be so
sweet" and so on. Once back in his company she will lie and protect
him at all costs. Even covering for him to" Child Protective Services"
regarding her children, his stepchildren. He has had 3-4 DUI's the
3rd overlapping the 2nd but still walks out of the court room merely
losing his right to drive for a few months. He still drives sober and
intoxicated. ("He's special and above the law") or is it because he's
got relatives in high positions pulling strings? The wife tells me
it`s a phone call made to these high positions that springs him.
Another cause for my concern. Another story she has told me in a
pieced together story stated over time was that 15 years earlier she
perjured herself in court to keep him out of a 6 by 6 cell for twenty
to life. I don't know for what. I don't want to know.


My diagnosis: Psychotic Narcissistic Personality Disorder

My friend is married to a man with a narcissistic personality
disorder. My friend is as sick as her husband is and hollowed out to
the extent that he tells her what her weight should be, and when to
stop eating. They own two homes of which she has no input on
furnishings, not even bathroom towels. He dresses her. They have the
money that she could be wearing Chanel and Christian Dior, but he
makes her wear clothes that resemble sleazy streetwalker lingerie..
So much so that once in Vegas she was ask by a casino manger to take
her business elsewhere. Her husband thought it was a compliment! He
truely loved it.

The last time she called me to help, I went. I convinced her to check
into a hotel to avoid further abuse. I spent the better part of the
night talking with her about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. How
she might empower herself with some reverse psychology. How NPD's
loath their partners submissiveness and how it only triggers their
violence. I convinced her not to answer his cell phone calls. And
that by her staying away it would throw him off balance and thus give
her the upper hand. I tried my best to empower her against his
controlling behavior. She allowed me listen to his messages, which
were totally pathetic. Begging her to come home, he loved her, and
asking her if was she filing for divorce? Twenty desperate pleading
sick phone calls at least within a 12 hour period. All of which were
driving the point home that she could be empowered.

Within an hour of me leaving her she went back to him. I know that
she walked back into a beating or abuse of some sort. The realization
that he totally holds me responsible for her short burst of
empowerment became apparent when last I saw him. If he could have
killed me right then and there he would have. It was a feeling of
intense and extreme danger. Whether she blamed me to soften her
punishment or he deduced that a strong informed female was threatening
his world of control, I don't know. If she told him the information
that she divulged to me or that I talked with her about him being
sick, I am fearful that I will find myself fitted with cement shoes.
I know that if he thinks his "SECRETS" (plural) are out he is capable
of ugliness. I got too close in trying to help. Am I in danger?