Dear Tore--
First, please change the name toredownshakey. We must
not claim what the enemy suggest in our psyche. You
my love are far from torn down. You have suffered two
devastating experiences that were back to back and has
you feeling like your living on a string.

I don't know why we all underestimate the mind and pay
so much attention to the body. When we get a cold
everyone offers tea, soup and suggest you get plenty
of rest. Doesn't one think that the mind gets
overloaded as well. Look at the computer don't it get
overloaded and we have to update and clean files????
Why would we underestimate something so fragile that
connects the essence of our souls? Our very being---
our spirit.

You are a lady that is well read and articulates your
message well. I was able to access so much in your
email which got to the point and disclosed what needed
to be share so that one could see and identify with
your pain. Been there did this. I too am recovering
from a devastating experience. It's a long but short
road to recovery but we have to make the correct
steps. Right now you need your spirit nurtured--to be
reminded who that beautiful creature is within you.
We sometimes hunger for love in the wrong places and
ultimately wind up with the enemy. I found that most
of my problem is that I didn't want to do the work or
go through the fire. The fact that I was a single mom
and time was going against me I settled for something
that will forever be in my history and turned out to
be worst thing of my life (My marriage). Now I have
accepted finally that it is not good for me and am
taking steps to go on. Now don't get me wrong just
yesterday I cried for him and the sadness that he
doesn't want me. If you get in touch with the abuse
counselor they will let you know the tactics that
people use that are give aways that they have the
potential to abuse you when you first begin. We must
let these experiences be our learning lessons and move
on.
Part of my pain is the rejection part. ONe day I will
acknowledge just how sick he is, how I shouldn't take
it personal because he is not only hurting me, and his
son but his other family members. Then I will start to
feel bad that he doesn't want me while he is screwing
the whole world. I am an attractive woman that many
would be very happy with. So you see this is us in a
maze and our objective is to unravel the lies that
these sad unfortunate souls with the escort of their
demons try to perpetrate on us. When we unravel each
and every lie we will be left with the flower that
they came to destroy. Ever see an angry little boy
that just walks up to the flower bed and deliberately
smashes it.
Work on the anger. If you believe in God he will
reveal many secrets that we take for granted and you
will not need medication or anything else. Lady by
your writing you've got you. Perhaps you need more
support and you are very private. Talking and talking
helps also. Look at your real friends dont' be
embarassed.
Girl with your degree and your mind you are going so
so far. Don't let the enemy bring you down. Don't
own the bullsh---that is proposed to you. You have
come to far. The world is in your hands. You can
change this. I am hurting too. But I am also amazed
that I have come very far and everyday through my
spiritual building and very good friends. The
combination keeps me balanced. You see I've got to
stay on top because my son 11 is devastated too. So
it is difficult to grieve. So God is getting me
through. Now please don't get me wrong I am not a
religious nut. But I do believe in the father.
Drawing closer to him has helped me to achieve what I
never thought I could. Now this that we are going
through is like a fire. That's how painful it is.
There is no getting around it. But at the end we will
not be charred. Trust me. Correspond when you get a
chance. I hope you were able to feel some relief in
reading this. I sincerely feel your pain. But you
can do this. Write back.
Donna

--- toredownshakey <toredownshakey@...> wrote:

> after 8 chaotic years with this man, i have finally
> figured out that
> he really DOES have some serious problems....i just
> could not wrap
> my mind around the fact that he could intentionally,
> and masterfully
> inflict so much emotional, psychological, spiritual,
> and financial
> damage on me and never feel one bit of remorse. it
> took me until
> last fall to put all the pieces of his dark puzzle
> together. i have
> overdosed on prescription drugs and alcohol twice in
> this
> relationship...and in the two years since the last
> attempt, it blows
> my mind to realize that he really doesn't care. all
> the letters to
> express myself with carefully chosen words, all the
> reasoning, all
> the pleading and begging and screaming and demanding
> and horrid
> arguments were all for nothing...i never got through
> to him. his
> heart strings cannot be touched. we never solved
> the first argument
> between us which was about him completely
> withholding attention and
> affection...insisting on separate
> bedrooms...rejecting my requests
> for sex by closing the bedroom door in my face and
> promising "tomorrow night" for sure....of course
> tommorrow never
> came and i eventually discovered that he preferred
> satisfying
> himself while sitting naked in front of the
> computer. i was
> devastated...i was 39 and at my prime...i had been
> completely taken
> in by this man and i loved him...it was wonderful at
> first, i guess
> he eventually decided that it was to much work to
> pretend he was
> human 24/7...so he dropped the act when he got
> behind closed doors.
> even now as i'm sitting in this house alone, with
> him working 2
> states away...i can feel the darkness within these
> walls and the
> contempt, the disbelief, the gut wrenching deceit,
> the sadness,
> hopelessness, the consuming rage that has washed
> over me....he was
> so cunning and masterful at his mind game, that he
> was murdering my
> spirit little by little every day for 8 years!!! i
> noticed that the
> color had left my dead eyes a couple years ago...i
> was vibrant and
> healthy and had a great job and was finishing my
> degree at school. i
> had just spent the previous year and a half in a
> wheel chair due to
> an assault from an ex boyfriend...when i met him. it
> took every
> ounce of strength i had to claw my way out of that
> hole...i was
> homeless, hungry, injured, in debt, and sleeping in
> my car or on
> picnic tables. i got on my feet and when i met him,
> his lies were so
> believable that i thought i had found the man of my
> dreams, and he
> was a good man and not violent either......well i've
> learned
> otherwise....he has ruined me financially and taken
> away my life
> long dream of owning my own home...after being
> homeless, it is
> terrifying to think that i still don't have the
> security of a place
> to live. i haven't worked for 4 years...i was
> diagnosed with chronic
> depression and anxiety and put on disability...those
> first 2 years i
> spent in bed...and in the past two years i have been
> dealing with
> rheumatoid arthritis. i am so extremely angry...i
> want him to hurt
> the way he has hurt me. he has completely
> disassembled my life and
> my hope and my dream just to feed the monster within
> him. i realized
> a couple days ago that he will suck the life out of
> me until i
> leave. he refuses to leave even tho he is able to
> work and get
> around. he has caused so much destruction in my life
> and blames any
> thing or any one...i need to move out of here but am
> limited by
> extremely low income and high medication
> costs....it's so much more
> complex and involved as far as the emotional and
> financial turmoil
> he's caused...i'm sure most of you know what i
> mean....i'm so angry.
> i feel this dangerous rage inside me. i want to
> cause him pain and
> hardship....i hate him...i can't stand the thought
> of him...and i'm
> heartbroken that i wasted so much time on someone
> who can't be
> fixed. i'm 48 now...on disability...no family...no
> home...no
> future...no hope...no place to go...just lost.
>
>
>
>
>


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