Dr. Watson and Mr. Hastings

The Narcissist and His Friends

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality
Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist,

and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths

First published here: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Suite101)"




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"Who's the fairest of them all?" - asks the Bad Queen in the fairy
tale. Having provided the wrong answer, the mirror is smashed to
smithereens. Not a bad allegory for how the narcissist treats
his "friends".

Literature helps us grasp the intricate interactions between the
narcissist and members of his social circle.

Both Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot, the world's most renowned
fiction detectives, are quintessential narcissists. Both are also
schizoids - they have few friends and are largely confined to their
homes, engaged in solitary activities. Both have fatuous, sluggish,
and anodyne sidekicks who slavishly cater to their whims and needs
and provide them with an adulating gallery - Holmes' Dr. Watson and
Poirot's poor Hastings.

Both Holmes and Poirot assiduously avoid the "competition" - equally
sharp minds who seek their company for a fertilizing intellectual
exchange among equals. They feel threatened by the potential need to
admit to ignorance and confess to error. Both gumshoes are self-
sufficient and consider themselves peerless.

The Watsons and Hastings of this world provide the narcissist with
an obsequious, unthreatening, audience and with the kind of
unconditional and unthinking obedience that confirms to him his
omnipotence. They are sufficiently vacuous to make the narcissist
look sharp and omniscient - but not so asinine as to be instantly
discernible as such. They are the perfect backdrop, never likely to
attain center stage and overshadow their master.

Moreover, both Holmes and Poirot sadistically - and often publicly -
taunt and humiliate their Sancho Panzas, explicitly chastising them
for being dim-witted. Narcissism and sadism are psychodynamic
cousins and both Watson and Hastings are perfect victims of abuse:
docile, understanding, malignantly optimistic, self-deluding, and
idolizing.

Narcissists can't empathize or love and, therefore, have no friends.
The narcissist is one track minded. He is interested in securing
Narcissistic Supply from Narcissistic Supply Sources. He is not
interested in people as such. He is incapable of empathising, is a
solipsist, and recognises only himself as human. To the narcissist,
all others are three dimensional cartoons, tools and instruments in
the tedious and Sisyphean task of generating and consuming
Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist over-values people (when they are judged to be
potential sources of such supply), uses them, devalues them (when no
longer able to supply him) and discards them nonchalantly. This
behaviour pattern tends to alienate and to distance people.

Gradually, the social circle of the narcissist dwindles (and
ultimately vanishes). People around him who are not turned off by
the ugly succession of his acts and attitudes – are rendered
desperate and fatigued by the turbulent nature of the narcissist's
life.

Those few still loyal to him, gradually abandon him because they can
no longer withstand and tolerate the ups and downs of his career,
his moods, his confrontations and conflicts with authority, his
chaotic financial state and the dissolution of his emotional
affairs. The narcissist is a human roller coaster – fun for a
limited time, nauseating in the long run.

This is the process of narcissistic confinement.

Anything which might – however remotely – endanger the availability,
or the quantity of the narcissist's Narcissistic Supply is excised.
The narcissist avoids certain situations (for instance: where he is
likely to encounter opposition, or criticism, or competition). He
refrains from certain activities and actions (which are incompatible
with his projected False Self). And he steers clear of people he
deems insufficiently amenable to his charms.

To avoid narcissistic injury, the narcissist employs a host of
Emotional Involvement Prevention Measures (EIPMs). He becomes rigid,
repetitive, predictable, boring, limits himself to "safe subjects"
(such as, endlessly, himself) and to "safe conduct", and often rages
hysterically (when confronted with unexpected situations or with the
slightest resistance to his preconceived course of action).

The narcissist's rage is not so much a reaction to offended
grandiosity as it is the outcome of panic. The narcissist maintains
a precarious balance, a mental house of cards, poised on a
precipice. His equilibrium is so delicate that anything and anyone
can upset it: a casual remark, a disagreement, a slight criticism, a
hint, or a fear.

The narcissist magnifies it all into monstrous, ominous,
proportions. To avoid these (not so imagined) threats – the
narcissist prefers to "stay at home". He limits his social
intercourse. He abstains from daring, trying, or venturing out. He
is crippled. This, indeed, is the very essence of the malignancy
that is at the heart of narcissism: the fear of flying.


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Also Read

Narcissistic Confinement

The Pathological Charmer

The Narcissist as a Sadist

The Columnist in the Mousetrap

Narcissists, Inverted Narcissists and Schizoids

Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply

The Narcissist's Self Defeating and Self Destructive Behaviors

The Malignant Optimism of the Abused (Victims of Narcissists)


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