We are delighted to pass on the following article by Jacqueline
Marcell, author of "Elder Care Rage".

Vern Jacobs
--------------------------------

When Mom and Dad Need Help

By Jacqueline Marcell,
Author, Elder Rage

Convincing elderly parents they need help in their home, or that they
need to downsize into assisted living, can be a tough hurdle for
families to accomplish. The best way is to start the conversation
early, before their health is an issue. Getting them used to the idea
by being part of the planning process will make it easier when the
time comes.

But what if you haven't discussed it nor made plans for their
transition into old age? If the time has come for your parents to
alter their living situation because they can no longer take proper
care of themselveshere are some important points to consider.

Think Safety First

Keep in mind that your parents' safety is the most important factor.
If you know in your heart they cannot remain by themselves in their
own home safely, don't let your emotions override what needs to be
done. Don't wait for a broken hip, a car accident, medicine overdose,
stroke, or that crisis call in the middle of the night before you step
in.

Recognize that when you were a child, your parents would have done
everything in their power to keep you safe. Now, as hard as it is, you
have to be the "parent" and make the best decisions possible for them.
Ask their relatives, friends, doctors and healthcare professionals to
help you by encouraging your parents to accept a caregiver in their
home or to move to a facility--for their safety.

Hire In-Home Caregivers

Since most people would rather stay in their own home as long as
possible, this is often the first step chosen. Families hire
caregivers to come in for several hours a day and increase the time as
care is needed. It is best to hire through an agency that does
extensive background checks--and that can always supply an alternate
caregiver if the regular one can't make it. Ask for numerous
references, and be sure to remove all valuables.

Consider a Multi-Level Facility

The benefit of a multi-level facility is that additional services can
be added as your loved ones' health declines. This prevents the
turmoil of having to move again as more help and services are needed.
Many seniors start out with their own private apartment and then
progress through stages of assisted living and eventually to skilled
nursing and dementia care, all within the same facility. Your parents
may be able to bathe, dress, and take their own medications properly
now, but as they need help, it's a blessing to know that services can
be added. Many times the friends they have made along the way progress
right along with them, providing the comfort of familiar faces.

Get References

The best way to check out a facility is to talk to numerous families
who already have a loved one living there. Drop in on weekends when
more families visit and ask if they are happy with the accommodations,
food, service, activities, cleanliness, reliability, personnel, etc.
If they had it to do again, would they move their loved one there?
What have they learned from the experience? What do they wish they had
known when they were beginning the process?

Be sure to check out the kitchen for cleanliness and eat a meal there
yourself. Also, ask the administrators if there are any liens or
lawsuits filed against the facility. Ask to review their licensing and
certification reports. If they will not put in writing that there are
no legal problems--keep looking! Also, be sure to check with your
local Area Agency on Aging and their long-term care Ombudsman who
monitors the area. That person is the consumer's advocate, letting you
know if the location you are considering is a good choice.

Ask About Activities

Adult children are often filled with guilt about moving their parents
out of their own home, that is, until they see them flourishing in a
new environment and participating in activities they haven't enjoyed
for years. Speak with the Activity Director to make sure there are
numerous activity options. Does the facility offer field trips, games,
crafts, singing, dancing, gardening, cooking, bingo, exercising,
movies, interaction with animals, etc.? Be sure to monitor the
Director regularly to make sure activities are being offered.

Create a Relationship

Once you have picked out the right place, ask the administrators for
their help in convincing your loved one to move. They are very
familiar with this problem and deal with it daily. Ask an
administrator to call your parent and develop a relationship over the
phone. He or she may be able to drop by (while you just happen to be
there) to talk to your parents and invite them for a get-together. A
few days later, take your parents out to lunch and then casually stop
by the facility to say hello to that lovely person who was so kind to
drop by to visit them. Seeing a familiar face is usually very helpful.
Remember, any kind of change can be very scary for an elder. Take
things slow, planting the idea calm and steady, making their safety
your goal.

Create a Need

Another idea is to have a social worker ask for your loved one's
"help" with the other seniors at the facility. Could they, for
example, go over there a couple times a week to help out with the
bingo, crafts, or singing classes? Perhaps they can help prepare lunch
for the elders there. Tell your loved one that they are "needed" there
to help and entertain the other seniors. Giving them a "job" to do
will help them become comfortable with being there. They will make
friends, which can ease the transition to eventually moving there.

Reach for Support

Realize that everyone since the beginning of time, who has been lucky
enough to have their parents reach old age, has experienced the pain
of watching their once-competent loved ones decline and pass away. We
all know it is a sad part of life, but even with all that's been
written, there are no words that can prepare us for the sorrow. Reach
out for help from family and friends and get into a support group
right away--don't even think you can do it alone.

###


Jacqueline Marcell is a former television executive, who after caring
for her elderly parents (both with Alzheimer's Disease) became the
best-selling author of "Elder Rage", a Book-of-the-Month Club being
considered for a feature film. Over fifty endorsements include: Hugh
Downs, Regis Philbin, and the National Adult Day Services Association
who honored her with their Media Award. She also received "Advocate of
the Year" from the National Association of Women Business Owners at
their Remarkable Women Awards. A national speaker on eldercare, she
also writes Blogs on http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/ and
http://blog.thirdage.com/?author=12, and hosts an Internet radio
program on http://www.wsRadio.com/CopingWithCaregiving. A recent guest
of the TODAY SHOW, Jacqueline is also featured in an upcoming PBS
documentary on Alzheimer's. Also a recent breast cancer survivor,
Jacqueline advocates that everyone (but especially caregivers) closely
monitor their own health. For more information: http://www.ElderRage.com/


© Copyright 2006
For permission to forward or publish all/part of this article, or to
interview the author, please contact Jacqueline Marcell in Irvine, CA:
949-975-1012 or j.marcell@...