hi everyone...
coming up on september 20th itll be one year since my son Xander
passed away.. i took the day off from work and it so happens i have the
following day off too.. im going to go to the cemetary and visit... i
still havent come to the closure i so long for and want. i miss him
like crazy and want him here with me soo bad.. Xander was 7 months and
15 days when he passed.. i just now i just regret not goign to see him
as often as i could.. i wish i would have spent every waking moment
with him.. i just feel like im not even a mother anymore.. and i miss
that feeling of being a mother soo much.. i know he knew when i was
there.. he did soo much better and they could turn down his oxygen when
i was there.. i just am getting to the point where im starting to
forget things and thats what i hate the most.. does anyone know
anything i can do to help? i did see a counselor for a while and that
helped but not all the way.. i just feel like everything is closing in
on me.. i just got out of a relationship as well with a great guy.. but
i made the mistake and took him and our relationship for granted... and
now theres nothing i can do to fix it... my main problem was i got in
the relationship soon after Xander passed and i was in denial for a
good couple of months. then it started to hit me and i got more and
more depressed.. i forget what it was like to jsut fall asleep it seems
like every night i cry myself to sleep

if anyones been in a situation where you lost a baby please let me know
things i can do to help the pain'?

thanks for your time and god bless all of you and your little miracles


Stephanie Broadhurst angleyez40@...