Hi Tony,

I'm glad you chose this place to vent your frustrations! It's
actually a good place to do something like that. It's a quiet group,
but a good group. And better yet, we're all in this together. If
you haven't seen the number of members on this site, it's well over
250!!

Your story is not uncommon in our plight for happiness. I have a
very similar story, believe it or not. I was engaged many years ago
and broke off the engagement because of the fighting and yes, the big
H. That was in 1992. I didn't date anyone seriously until 1997 and
again, that ended on bad terms. In 2001, I took my plunge to the
internet and found a wonderful site...mpwh. Everyone on there was
just like me!! Life changed for me on that February 20, 2001. (yeah,
I remember the date too!) I learned at that point in time, I was not
alone. I've met hundreds of people, online AND in person (at socials
and national events) that have been wonderful support in my
realization. Most of these people are still my friends that I speak
to all the time. Life changed then...and has been wonderful ever
since.

I finally met a guy in February 2004. We chatted online (at mpwh)
for over six months, dated for a couple more months and then realized
we were meant to be together. We moved in together in June 04. He
asked me to marry him on New Year's Eve of 04-05 and we married that
April. We don't worry about the H factor because both of us have
it. We understand the trials and tribulations of the outbreaks,
etc. Life has never been grander!!

I can make a few suggestions, if that's ok. There are support groups
in many areas of the state. While it may be uncomfortable at first,
it's a fantastic step in the right direction. Trust me, I've been
there. There are also many social groups in the state as well. Some
more active that others, but they are there.

Please, feel free to vent here any time. Or, just feel free to pop
on and say hi! Like I said, we're all in this together!! I'm sure
you will hear many versions of your story. :o)

Watch for postings of socials for the upcoming year! I know there's
a couple planned just not posted yet. And hey, never be afraid of
going...no one bites!!! :o)

Hope I've shed a glimmer of hope for you!

Tonya
:o)

--- In OrlandoFLHerpesSinglesSite@yahoogroups.com, "Mr. T"
<firemedic1560@...> wrote:
>
> Well, ive been lurking here for a little while. i figured i would
share my story.
>
> my name is tony. im 37 years old. ive had hsv since i was 20 years
old. before hsv i was a
> shy person. i had been picked on as a kid. i was not very athletic
so the other boys in the
> neighborhood pretty much used me as a punching bag from the time i
was 10 till i
> graduated from high school. because of this my confidence was
pretty shot and my self
> esteem was very low. i met a girl who i thought was an angel. she
had a gorgous smile and
> always had nice things to say to me. imagine how happy i was when
she started falling for
> me.
>
> i can still remember the night she told me she had hsv. for
whatever reason, i was not very
> educated in hsv and did not understand how contagous it was. but my
angel was crying.
> she was in pain. i thought about how horrible it was to not be
accepted for most of my life
> and i thought i could never do that to her. i held her close looked
into her eyes and told
> her that i accepted her regardless of what she had and we could
work through this. well, a
> year later she started seeing other guys behind my back. i caught
her one night and that
> spelled the end. little did i know that i had something in my body
that would remind me of
> her for the rest of my life.
>
> i can still remember my first outbreak. i was looking down at
myself in the shower and
> wondering what this thing on my penis could be. i was in denile. i
told myself it was
> nothing. and tried to go on with my life as if everything was fine.
a couple years later i met
> another girl who i believed was terrific. she felt the same about
me. unfortunately, i
> passed it on to her. she missed her period and went to her doctor
for a pregnancy test.
> while she was there she had a physical and the doctor confirmed she
had hsv. i felt
> horrible. i could not believe i did this to someone. i felt so
rotten and dirty. i didnt know
> what to say. i went to the doctor and he confirmed that i was also
hsv postive. well, the girl
> decided to stay with me. the pregancy was terminated. we spent the
next 5 years in a very
> rough relationship. it finally ended one night, when i came home
from work one morning
> and found she was gone. she left me a note telling me how rotten a
person i was and how
> i deserved to be alone. i spent the next 7 years alone.
>
> occasionally i would meet a girl who i wanted to be serious with.
but they ran from me
> when i told them i had hsv. it made me feel dirty and diseased. i
became very angry. well
> anger is just a way of hiding sadness isnt it? i became bitter and
i swore i would not let
> anyone in ever again. i spent the next 7 years on my own.
occasionally having sex with a
> girl when i could not fight the urge anymore. of course i never
told them, because i knew
> that was a deal breaker. it never made me happy and the guilt was
horrible. i just assumed
> i would never find anyone to love me because of this disease.
>
> i started looking on the hsv dating sites. i made a someone who
introduced me to a friend
> of hers who was also hsv positive. we talked on the phone and on
the internet. she was
> beautiful. we had a lot in common. she accepted me for everything i
was. i felt like a
> million bucks. i was very happy and felt like i was falling in love
but i was scared to meet
> her. she finally took the bull by the horns and made the drive from
orlando to west palm
> beach to meet me. she drove almost 3 hours just to meet me in
person. we had more in
> common than i could have ever believed. she had a young son who i
met and enjoyed very
> much. we commuted for a year to spend time together. she made the
move to wpb to live
> with me. i was so happy, until all the old insecurities started.
here i was with a woman who
> loved me more than anything and i could not get over the fear that
she would someday
> leave me. we started fighting a lot. the worst of it was when we
fought in front of her son.
> ive always had a bad temper. i made her cry. i felt horrible. i
felt i was not worthy of her
> love anymore. i ended the relationship not because i didnt love
her. i ended it because i
> couldnt stand hurting her anymore. i couldnt stand seeing her
crying. i couldnt stand
> hurting someone i love so much. so she left with her son. i never
got to say goodbye.
>
> that was 8 months ago. now im alone again. ive been in therapy
since then to get control
> of my temper and get over the terrible thing i did to cara. it
still hurts when i come home
> and find it empty. its just something i will have to get over. ive
had to say goodbye to cara,
> because i know i will never see her again.
>
> so why am i writing this? i guess its just to vent my frustration
with having this disease.
> sure i had issues before hsv, but hsv hasnt made things any easier
for me. right now life,
> as far as a relationship, marriage and children doesnt look to be
in my future. i feel alone,
> hopeless and scared. its been 17 years with this disease. when will
things get better?
>