OASIS-Adopt : Messages : 1-183 of 335

Today Wayne and I got a phone call from our lawyer that the date has been set for Elizabeth's Adoption Finalization! We go on February 7th in the afternoon!!!! She will finally legally be the daughter she has been since she came to us at 2 days of age from the hospital!

Karen, Wayne & Elizabeth

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#182

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Fri Jan 5, 2007 8:53 pm
Subject: Re: I Wish I'd Known....

wife2wayne

Offline

Well, since you asked.....here is our story: This was a reply to someone who is local that recently asked about our experience:

It is working for us now but Susan it has been pure hell getting to this point. We applied as foster parents because we wanted an infant, that was important to me. It was a gamble that we would get a child that would ultimately be freed for adoption but we took the gamble and at this point it has paid off. Don't get me wrong, the first 18 months were pure living hell. It had nothing to do with Elizabeth, she was an angel, she was born drug addicted and then went from withdrawal into colic and so on down the line. She was very delayed until she stopped seeing her birth mom at 9 months. She never sat up til she was 9 months and then flew threw the milestones from there as birth mom was out of her life. It floored me. Mom would show up for visits about a third of the time. It stunned me that an infant, 2 mos old, knew just pulling into the parking lot of the visit center that that is what we were doing. I had no clue infants truly could have that level of understanding. It was mind blowing to say the least! Near the end of the visits, mom stopped wanting them when she was about 9 mos old, we just had to pull into the parking lot, she did not even have to get out of the car! She was gone for the rest of the day. She would not eat, she would not drink, she would not sleep, she would cry almost constantly and I was having her in the sling and next to my heartbeat and that was the only thing that would help her at all. It was horrible to say the least. More than once I had to take her from a visit with mom immediately to the pediatrician becuase mom was a heavy smoker, smoked 4 pks a day during pregnancy in addition to other drugs and drinking daily, and Elizabeth reacted horribly to even the residual smoke on mom's clothing and hair. Like gasping for air struggling. The pediatrician sent a note to DHHS telling them that this child was NOT to be around anyone who had smoked, birth parent or not or that the person had to shower and put on clothing that was freshly washed and not smoke until after the visit otherwise we risked hospitalization for respiratory failure. DHHS said there was no way they could tell a birth parent to do that and blew it off. So for a while after visits to birth mom we would rush to the pediatrician's office for a breathing treatment! YUP, all documented, did not matter!

No clue who bio dad is, mom named 5 men and it was none of them and they could not find three of them!

Mom also had other 3 children removed when Elizabeth was born hence why she was removed at the hospital. It is very rare to get a newborn however we got lucky and for that I am grateful to God everyday! We wanted the best odds possible, a mom that had other children removed and had a newborn taken at the hospital. It actually happend for us but I would NEVER do it again.

One week she was going to be sent to rehab with mom, a few days later nope, she is going with x relative, a few days later or even later that same day she was not going anywhere and then it would change again the following day or week and she was going to be put up on an apt with mom that the state was going to pay for in Portland and they were putting 24/7 help in the home etc etc etc. It was a living hell that I still don't know how we made it through.

We had a second child placed with us a year ago August. She was 2 yrs old. She had older siblings that went to Grandma's but grandma said she could not handle the toddler. This child needed so much more than we were ready for. We had not gotten to that age with Elizabeth yet or read that far frankly in the books and WHOA, were we underprepared by a long shot. This child arrived late in the evening, hid under our kitchen table and stayed there for two days. She came with a backpack and a bottle. The bottle had curdled milk in it and mold, the backpack had a bunch of mom's slinky underwear and provocative pictures! This child was terrified of men, she ran from my husband and would not let me out of her sight. I had to run out and get her clothing as she came with a diaper on and a shirt, no shoes, no socks, nothing at all. Had to buy a crib for her and mattress etc. All we got from DHHS was a voucher to Target for $200. Great unless you need a bed, mattress and entire wardrobe for a child and are paying retail. She had some serious issues. She and mom had been living in a campground. Dad was abusive etc. I put her in play therapy as she was out of control and needed help way beyond what we were able to provide alone. Therapist saw her a number of times and was seriously concerned about RAD (Reactive Attachement Disorder) put that into google and sit down while you read! Then Thanksgiving weekend she went to her grandmother's for the holiday and we went up to Wayne's parents up north for the long weekend. We got to his parents Wednesday and got a call Thanksgiving morning from her grandmother stating she could not handle her anymore and we had to come get her right then! Great, except we were 6 hours away and there was a friggin blizard outside! We packed Elizabeth into the SUV and headed for home about 1:00 after his mom rushed dinner for us. We got to the Turnpike onramp in Lincoln and Wayne hit ice and we slammed the truck into the onramp guardrail. His truck was only 9 months old at the time. Thankfully being in the middle of no where, there was actually a state trooper about a mile behind us and he did the same thing on the same patch of ice. It woke Elizabeth and I out of a dead sleep. Everyone was ok but here we had a nice repair bill on a brand new vehicle. The deductable sucked and was $500 we had not planned on that is for sure. We continued to head south and got to her grandmother's 10 hours later and she was like, where have you been! I just got the girl and we left. I was furious! DHHS said nothing and did nothing. I was not impressed! She went there for Christmas as well and we stayed home. It went better at Christmas though apparently.

Meanwhile around Christmas time her father started showing up at our door, got the address somehow, calling my cell phone, our home phone day and night. It was awful. I called DHHS and they said there was nothing they could do and they recommended we file a harrassment order. We did and he was served on January 2nd by his probation officer. That day he called DHHS and stated that he felt we were neglecting his daughter. January 3rd DHHS showed up and removed the child to another home. Elizabeth's caseworker showed up that day as well and checked her head to toe, naked, her butt crack, you name it and said he did not know if they were moving her too or not. We were terrified. Her birth mom had terminated her rights the previous August and we were just waiting on the dad issue before we could adopt. He said there could be charges pending against us for the other child and that he was leaving her here that night. The next day we got a call from him that he was on his way to take Elizabeth and to get her ready! My heart hit the floor and I screamed for Wayne (who thankfully was home as the company he worked for folded three weeks before Christmas). The worker showed up, took her and siad we woudl never see her again. We were in a lawyers office 10 minutes later to find out that we had no rights. She was almost 18 months old, we were the only family she had ever known and there was not a damn thing on this earth we could do. We both left puking and crying like I have never cried in my life. I called the DHHS office she was out of, Portland, and got a meeting the next day with the head of DHHS Portland, the caseworker's supervisor and our liscensing worker who was horrified that this happend in the first place and we took two witnesses to speak on our behalf. It was like sitting in a room with ice cubes. They had no feeling, heart or anything at all. The GAl was there becuase I called and told her of the meeting. I asked that when we were cleared by Internal Affairs if they woudl put her back with us and they said they did not know! DHHS has a HUGE track record of irregardless and when the fosterparents are cleared not placing that child back with them! All Wayne and I did for the next 9 days was puke and cry! We had to close the door to her room as I could not handle walking by there and had to to get to the bathroom. I knew she was in a good home becuase coincidentally she was placed with Susan Titcomb. They had just been liscensed and she went there. I had gotten an email from Susan that afternoon stating that she just got a call for a placement out of OOB and the girl was almost 18 months old and was a sure thing for adoption. My heart sank. I called and we talked and sure enough it was Elizabeth. I knew she was in a good hoem but then it became a major issue that I knew where she was even though we had no more contact after that point. The caseworker told her to not speak to us, we never called or emailed after the caseworker left with Elizabeth. It was part of the IA investigation and I had to prove how I knew Susan and where they lived and her email etc. I had to show her the M2M directory and she actually took copies of it with her!

Internal affairs came and the minute the woman walked into our home she felt we were guilty, period. By the time she left she gave me her home phone number and was stunned that this happend in the first place! She told me to call her anytime but I did not as I did not want to bother her. She went on a limb for us and could have lost her job but her recommendation was not only that the neglect charge was 100% unfounded but that we had NO liscence violations at all and that we were the keystone of good parents and that that child was to be returned to our home, the only home she ever knew, IMMEDIATELY! Mind you this took 10 days start to return. She was in contact with the daycare we used for the girl (recommended daycare from the therapist) and they sent a letter stating that we were model parents and any child would be lucky to be in our care. They also sent all the accident reports that had happend there, one of the things that the father had pointed out, her accidents and such. I also brought up that at the most recent meeting DHHS had decided to stop her play therapy as mom did not want it. Forget the therapist report sent to the workers and lawyers etc. I asked to have the child moved several times as she was horrible to Elizabeth, pushed her down, took her toy, caused harm to her, etc and we could not take our eyes off her at all, and we were told that if we asked to have one moved, they woudl move them both. NICE, so we were stuck.

Bottom line, by the grace of God we got Elizabeth back and are now in the adoption process with her. When we got her back I stated I wanted a new caseworker and refused to work with her other one (he had refused to let me go to her 18 mos well baby visit). They assigned us an adoption worker at that point. This woman was so cold, we were guilty in her eyes, after all that is what she got from a coworker, a social worker who was feeding her bullshit. How was she to know that in fact we had done nothing at all to anyone and what he was feeding her were 100% lies. It was not til she caught him in a few that she started to warm up to us. About a month ago I got an email from her stating she was really sorry for how cold she was at first and I told her that I fully understood. In the same situation I would not expect anything else. She met us sitting across a table with THE head of DDHS in Portland, the adoption supervisor and herself with just Wayne and I on the other side. We were waiting for Susan Titcomb to bring Elizabeth back. We went over a few things and we were planning on a carribean vacation like 10 days from then and I stated that I needed notorized in writing that day a letter stating we had permission to take Elizabeth out of the country. We had verbal permission from the original caseworker already but anyway. We showed them her passport, boy didn't they shit a brick when they realized we had a passport for this child (caseworker gave me info needed and sent me a letter stating it was ok to get etc that was notorized months before), airline tickets for the three of us and the cruise tickets for the three of us. They gave me the asked for paper and they brough Elizabeth back in. We were told we could talk to Susan at that point to see how things went, her well baby visit etc and the caseworker in the meantime had told her to leave and not speak to us. It was not until about 5 months ago that I got an email from Susan. He was then doing to her what he had done to us and she understood and was so sorry. I told her it was ok, she only had a professional's information coming to her and did not know me well at all and so forth. She told me a number of things that he told her about us and a zillion lies etc, not the least of which was that he told Susan that Elizabeth went back to her birth mother for several months. Anyway...........

Would I do it again for Elizabeth.....in a heartbeat.......for an unknown child, NEVER AGAIN. I just cannot do that to her or Wayne and I. We are done. Once our fingerprints get back from the FBI, currently waiting for them and should be any day now, we get a court date for probate and get this child finally 100% legally ours! And we are not turning back......I love our liscensing worker, she has gone to bat for us and been nothing short of superb and she fully understands what we have been through as she was there every step of the way.

We have received calls for other children and not taken any of them. We woudl take an emergency placement, one night only but that is it and all have been more longterm children.

I will never risk Elizabeth! I will never put her through the living hell that Wayne and I went through during that time. Should a child come and then leave it would be nothing short of harmful to her at her age and I refuse to do that to my daughter. Perhaps if she was 10 or older I would consider it but we have just been burned too badly and many days it felt like being burned at the stake!

She will be our only child. I now do home childcare to get my baby and other child fix so to speak. They leave at night and Elizabeth does great with that. She was meant to be an only child and will be that way.

She has some long lasting effects of the drugs and alcohol that her mom did but we have worked very hard with her and she is thriving. We did Gymboree for a long time and do swimming, gymnastics, art play at Gymboree and I do a lot of that here at home with her now. Last summer she could not walk on the grass, would not let you put her down, this summer she did great with it and loved it. Same with sand at the beach. She now loves water. She still has some sensory stuff and we just go with it. We did not go to Grover on ice this year becuase she was having some flares of the sensory thigns, she could not handle the dryer or washer running here at home and other things were bothering her so we decided that that setting was not a good one for her at that moment. She is now fine with those things but not liking crowds, so we stay with small groups at the moment and such :)

I have never been shy about how I felt about the fostercare thing, esp when it came up onloop many months ago, but never told the whole story as to why til now.

I am not trying to talk you out of things, just learn from us if nothing else. Also, talk with Susan Titcomb. She can give you another perspective as well.

One crucial thing that I learned through everything, always honor the birth order in your home. Do not take a child older than your youngest child. That is so crucial and yet no one told us til later. We did not honor the birth order when we took the other girl and it was a nightmare! We even went through a period where Elizabeth was pushing and pounding the daycare boy I care for, becuase that was done to her by the other girl! We nipped that in the bud real fast and talked to her about what the other girl did to her and such and explained how that is wrong and hurts and such.

We also have had to parent her differently than the conventional way becuase of her exposures in life in uterero and such. We do attachment parenting with her now and don't use time out or any of that. We are pretty much Becky Bailey and Alphie Kohn at this point. If she needs to sleep with us, she does (big DHHS no no). She will give up her bottle when SHE is ready, not on our agenda and same with her pacifier.

Mind you when I say we have had the year from hell I am not kidding. We went from this to coming back from vacation and getting a bill from the IRS for a 2004 error to the tune of 5K. Hired a tax accountant to fix that nightmare and with her fees, ammending 2003, 2004 and filing 2005 we ended up owing the IRS $1,500 and the accountant $1,600 but that was far better than the first amount. I used tax software in 2004 and put somehting in the wrong category and thus the mess up. Computer software never picked it up!

Then in March my mom hit a parked car on her way to work and was ultimately diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer with a brain met. They removed the brain met and in a matter of 10 days I had her packed and a moving company moving her here to our place in Maine, she was in Concord, NH. My husband was still out of work at this point. He and my mother in law brough Elizabeth down to the ICU the day my mom had brain surgery becuase Elizabeth was not eating and wanted mommy constantly. I had been gone for about 5 days at that point. I was outside of the ICU calling Maine DHHS in Portland to get clearance to add another adult to the home. I got voicemail after voice mail and got ugly and stated get me XXX who was the head of DHHS and told her what was going on and what i needed, fulltime daycare at my disposal and permission to have Elizabeht cross state lines to NH, this was actually the day before Wayne came down with her. Cannot take child out of state without their permission! She granted it and I called our liscensing worker and got permission from her to add my mom to the household. She was super! She said, do not worry at this moment about that, get her to Maine, settled and call me and I will come out. I had a ticked off adoption worker but I just did nto care at that point. I needed answers THEN, not 36 hours or more later when she got aroudn to calling me back!

Mom moved in in April and we added a bathroom to the basement to the tune of 10K, yeah, no kidding, I could not believe how expensive it was to be either! Thankfully Wayne got a job this month. M2M sent a very nice easter basket for Elizabeth which was so welcomed becuase I had not even thought about Easter let alone done anything for it. I will forever be grateful to the moms that did this for me and my daughter! They also sent Easter dinner!

Mom had radiation in May to her whole brain. M2M was super about helping with meals at this point as cooking was just not an option at all for me. Knowing she would never live alone again I started going through storage and her things and donated 80% of her items to the M2M yard sale (to later be told it was all junk). Mind you I was going through boxes and storage while taking her back and forth daily to radiation so that things would be ready for the yardsale on time. Later to be told it was all junk and how could I have sent junk for everyone to have to deal with. Talk about a slap in the face!

Mom was in and out of the hospital in June and came home to die July 2nd. She lived until July 8th. July they terminated the rights of 5 men, two with names and 3 john does for elizabeth's paternity. (This should have been done this time last year not 6 mos later!)

August I dealt with estate stuff (no estate but debtors and such) and started Lupron for Stage IV endometriosis. I had been slated for a full hysterectomy this summer but needless to say that got benched quickly. We also went through reliscensure as our liscense was about up and needed the update for the adoption at this time, meaning doc visits for both of us for clearance medically and such and getting our training in order to turn in and a zillion other things.

September was rough and I started physical therapy becuase Elizabeth wanted to be carried 100% of the time, she fed off my emotions and then caring for mom just did me in. I already had 2 buldging disks in my neck we foudn out about a year or so ago on MRI. I did not hear from my sister or aunt since the funeral and basically made a choice to cut toxic people from my life at this point, they both fell into that category. I could not take much more. My psychiastrist (great man) was all for this and told me that he was glad they benched surgery, that we decided to not buy a house and stay in the condo and to just lay low for a bit becuase emotionally, he was very very afraid I could not handle one single thing more this year and he was right. Hard to hear but he was so right. He felt I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown at that point and we followed up together often. He also got in touch with the maker of my antidepressant to find out what the absolute max on my meds was before this point and found out we had room to go up if we needed it. Somehow by the grace of God we did not have to! I actually had someone in my life looking out for me and doing their job and it being one I did not have to do for them. I was and am very grateful to him. I travel to York to see him now and frankly, would go out of the country if it needed to be to see him!

October was Halloween and I had a hard month. We also decided to redo the carpet in the house and tile both bathrooms. I had to redo the basement or I could never have used this room again. Just too many memories etc. Turned into another nightmare that will be fixed and redone in January, ugh.

November was Thanksgiving and I did ok then.

December has been really rough and our tree is up and the lights are on but nothing else is on it or is done. Christmas is in a few days and things are wrapped but honestly, I could care less. :(

I started grief counseling, a group actually, the end of November that was on a Thursday evening but did not continue with it becuase I was the youngest there and everyone had lost a spouse. That and my husband decided that in order to help us get out of debt he was taking on a teaching job for Gorham adult ed and had a meeting iwth them on a Thursday night, the second group night which of course meant I had to find a sitter, but with DHHS you have to have a preapproved sitter so that was not happening. I just gave up and called it quits at that point. Not doing individual counseling at this point as I am not sure of the good it would do and I am doing ok. There are good days, bad days and frankly horrible days but they are just that, days. I get through them and things are getting easier, well excpet for this whole Christmas thing. Mom always came here :( She adored Elizabeth and worshiped the ground she walked on. She wanted to see her adoption done and died before it could happen becuase of her horrible caseworker and his dragging his feet and I have just a tad bit of anger around that.

Anyway, this is way way way more than you wanted to know so sorry for being so long!

Here is the answer to your question:

If you are not ready to give a child back or put your family through hell, sign up for adoption only. Then you only will be presented with children that have their parents rights already terminated but be careful in this one. Foster parents get first refusal on adoption and if the foster parents are not adopting the child, ask why they are not, talk with the foster parents, ask tons of questions, 99% of these children come with major issues ranging from ADHD, ADD, RAD, Fetal alcohol, and a large number of other issues and generally there are a number of them per child.

Honor the birth order in your family.

Talk with the child's pediatrician before adopting. Ask if there are siblings, where they are, what are their diagnoses, that may give you an insight into the child you are looking at's future issues.

Have a therapist lined up for all of you as adding a child with the baggage these children have is hard on any family and you will need someone for this child if they don't already have someone and someone for you and your husband. Plan on stress in your home. Your children not accepting this new child after a bit of novelty wears off. Etc.

All I can tell you honestly, is buckle up becuase it will be a really rough ride no matter what you do or which way you go.

As for what to check on that paper for now, check them both off and make your mind up later on down the line.

It will come up during your homestudy and you can address your needs and wants at that time.

And I pray you have a better homestudy than we did! Our homestudy worker, they contract with a company in Gardiner, International Adoptions, walked into our house for the second meeting and told us we were too fat to be foster parents, that we should bench our application and lose 100lbs each. Yeah, threw him out! We marched into our liscensing worker's office the next morning I tell ya and she was furious. (different worker, she has since passed away from cancer) She called IA in Gardiner and requested our request of a new worker as we were no longer comfortable talking about our sex life, its frequency and satisfactory level with him! They refused and we were stuck with this clown. However I told the liscensing worker that I wanted someone from DHHS at our house for the remaining meetings. He got his butt chewed six ways come Sunday and appologized but the damage was done at that point. We finished the home study and were liscensed but figured it was becuase they were afraid we would sue them both! Needless to say we never did anything with my home office, which is now Elizabeth's nursery.

We got a call on a Friday for her, for me to pick her up at the office in 1 hour. UGH. We moved 6 yrs of crud out of that room that weekend, with a newborn as new parents, and went to Babies R Us and put about 2K on the credit card as we had NOTHING at all for a baby! Ugh.

Hugs

Karen

----- Original Message -----

From: Alisha

To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Friday, January 05, 2007 3:00 PM

Subject: [OASIS-Adopt] I Wish I'd Known....

For those of you who have already adopted, and especially those of you
who have done foster adoption, what is the one (or more!) thing you
wish someone had told you before you started?

I'd love to hear lots of different answers!

~Alisha~

#181

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Fri Jan 5, 2007 6:37 pm
Subject: Karen Tolman invites you to view her photos in the ClubMom Scrapbook!

wife2wayne

Offline

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                   ClubMom Scrapbook
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Check out the photo I uploaded into the ClubMom Scrapbook
  and please vote for me! I have a chance to be featured as
  the Most Popular photo! Voting is easy!  Just click on the
  link below and hit the "Click If you Love This" button.

  View photo:
  http://www.clubmom.com/display/294204?romPage=email&photoId=48678


  Thanks for voting!
Karen Grant-Tolman

  P.S. Not a ClubMom member, but want to vote?
  Join free now at http://www.clubmom.com/display/281476

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#180

From: "Alisha" <fallingup_00@...>
Date: Fri Jan 5, 2007 8:00 pm
Subject: I Wish I'd Known....

falling00up

Offline

For those of you who have already adopted, and especially those of you
who have done foster adoption, what is the one (or more!) thing you
wish someone had told you before you started?

I'd love to hear lots of different answers!

~Alisha~

#179

From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Date: Mon Jan 1, 2007 9:20 am
Subject: File - OTrading

OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

The OASIS family has a new list??? It is called OTRADING and is perfect for
saving TONS of money and cleaning out your homes at the same time! Have
something to sell, need clothing in the next size up for your child, need
maternity wear, have coupons to offer, FORMULA CHECKS offered and traded and
SOOOOOO much more!

So........what have you got to loose???? Join up today and start saving with the
rest of us!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OTrading

Karen
Moderator for OTrading

The Blurb for OTRADING:
The OPSS-OMOM Trading Post is a list for members of OPSS-L, OMOM, and OMOM-Kids
to use as a place to swap, sell, or give away items. The idea is to help each
other out by giving an avenue for list members to sell items they no longer need
and give others an opportunity to save money on purchases.

Examples of items would include maternity clothing, carriers, baby items, toys,
baby and children's clothing, educational materials. Members are also welcome to
post good coupons that may be of interest to members such as clothing for
babies, children, and BBWs, restaurants, toy stores, etc.

#177

From: "Alisha" <fallingup_00@...>
Date: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:49 pm
Subject: Re: Alisha ~ New from Oasis

falling00up

Offline

Misty,

Thank you so much for sharing your positive story!  I've been hearing
a lot of negatives from family and friends who feel that fostering to
adopt will only lead to getting kids with "problems."  I'm of the
opinion after teaching that no child is problem-free, whether adopted
or born to you.

My husband and I are both really excited.  We begin our classes in
February and will probably wait until they are finished to complete
our home study, because we are moving around that time and don't want
to have to do it twice.

I'd love to hear any and all experiences you have to share!  I hope
that there will be lots of good (and not-so-good) stories in this
group to help get us a little closer to prepared.

Thank you for your warm welcome!
~Alisha~

--- In OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com, Misty Moore <mnmoore3@...> wrote:
>
> Welcome, Alisha.
>
>   CONGRATS on your weight loss!!!!! My husband, Todd & I adopted our
daughters from foster care.  Their adoptions were final in June 2005.
  They were in foster care with my parents when we met them.  They were
6 & 8 years old at the time of their adoptions.  Feel free to ask me
any questions you may have regardign foster adopt.  Just wait until
you get your kids and you start experiencing all of the "firsts" you
experience with them.  Ours have been amazing.  Probably one of the
most amazing firsts with our daughters was their first plane ride.  My
youngest could not contain herself.  She was VERY excited.  I have a
thousand positive stories if you are ever interested in hearing
positive things.  Don't get me wrong, there are also negative things,
but our positives FAR outweigh the negatives.
>
>   Again, welcome.
>
>

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#175

From: Misty Moore <mnmoore3@...>
Date: Sat Dec 23, 2006 1:00 am
Subject: Re: Alisha ~ New from Oasis

mnmoore3

Offline

Welcome, Alisha.

CONGRATS on your weight loss!!!!! My husband, Todd & I adopted our daughters from foster care. Their adoptions were final in June 2005. They were in foster care with my parents when we met them. They were 6 & 8 years old at the time of their adoptions. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have regardign foster adopt. Just wait until you get your kids and you start experiencing all of the "firsts" you experience with them. Ours have been amazing. Probably one of the most amazing firsts with our daughters was their first plane ride. My youngest could not contain herself. She was VERY excited. I have a thousand positive stories if you are ever interested in hearing positive things. Don't get me wrong, there are also negative things, but our positives FAR outweigh the negatives.

Again, welcome.

Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:

NAME = Alisha Reed
E-MAIL = fallingup_00@hotmail.com

My name is Alisha and I'm moving to this list from OASIS because of the
decision my wonderful husband, Preston, and I have made together. After 5
years of TTC, we have come to the curve in the road to parenthood and are
excited to see what lies on the other side for us.

I am currently at 264 lbs, down from 286 before starting treatment for my
PCOS. I am getting back on Ortho Lo (this is my first month) so that I can
again start having monthly periods, because I have not had one on my own
since February and my doctor is worried that the lining of my uterus may be
hardening.

Preston and I are beginning our classes in February to become certified
Foster Parents. We are hoping to adopt children from the foster system and
are very excited about it. We are holding off on our home study because we
will be moving in the spring and don't want to have to do another one as
soon as our classes are over.

It took Preston and I a long time to get to this point. We needed to do
grieving, hurting, and healing before we were ready to say, "Maybe this
isn't the way that we'll become parents. Maybe we need to look at another
path for us." I know that some part of me will always grieve for the
children I never carried, but I also know that I will dearly love the
children that come into my life in this way with all my heart.

I am happy to meet all of you, and look forward to sharing good ideas,
stories, and experiences.

~Alisha~

Misty

Wife to Todd, Mom to Nicole - 9 (PTSD, ADD, Bedwetter--but dry since April 1, 06--My wonderful, sweet angel) and Leah - 7 (PTSD, ADHD, OCD--My pride, joy & heartache); adopted June 30, 2005...Wow, we survived our first year, now a lifetime to go.

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (2)

#173

From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sun Dec 17, 2006 9:32 pm
Subject: File - OTrading

OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

The OASIS family has a new list??? It is called OTRADING and is perfect for
saving TONS of money and cleaning out your homes at the same time! Have
something to sell, need clothing in the next size up for your child, need
maternity wear, have coupons to offer, FORMULA CHECKS offered and traded and
SOOOOOO much more!

So........what have you got to loose???? Join up today and start saving with the
rest of us!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OTrading

Karen
Moderator for OTrading

The Blurb for OTRADING:
The OPSS-OMOM Trading Post is a list for members of OPSS-L, OMOM, and OMOM-Kids
to use as a place to swap, sell, or give away items. The idea is to help each
other out by giving an avenue for list members to sell items they no longer need
and give others an opportunity to save money on purchases.

Examples of items would include maternity clothing, carriers, baby items, toys,
baby and children's clothing, educational materials. Members are also welcome to
post good coupons that may be of interest to members such as clothing for
babies, children, and BBWs, restaurants, toy stores, etc.

#172

From: halo4san@...
Date: Mon Dec 4, 2006 2:20 am
Subject: Re: Must see video

halo4san

Offline

In a message dated 11/25/2006 11:41:12 P.M. Pacific Standard Time, kmegrant@... writes:

This is a super nice video done by Birth mom buds

http://www.birthmombuds.com/slideshow2.htm

That is beautiful. I'm sitting here crying. It is even more poignant since I just got my referral.

Sandra
Mommy to Ryan 1/18/01
Mommy to a Mayan Princess 11/19/06
"May you always have love to share, health to spare, and friends that care"
Please visit my toy website Welcome to Discovery Toys

#171

From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sun Dec 3, 2006 9:52 pm
Subject: File - OTrading

OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

The OASIS family has a new list??? It is called OTRADING and is perfect for
saving TONS of money and cleaning out your homes at the same time! Have
something to sell, need clothing in the next size up for your child, need
maternity wear, have coupons to offer, FORMULA CHECKS offered and traded and
SOOOOOO much more!

So........what have you got to loose???? Join up today and start saving with the
rest of us!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OTrading

Karen
Moderator for OTrading

The Blurb for OTRADING:
The OPSS-OMOM Trading Post is a list for members of OPSS-L, OMOM, and OMOM-Kids
to use as a place to swap, sell, or give away items. The idea is to help each
other out by giving an avenue for list members to sell items they no longer need
and give others an opportunity to save money on purchases.

Examples of items would include maternity clothing, carriers, baby items, toys,
baby and children's clothing, educational materials. Members are also welcome to
post good coupons that may be of interest to members such as clothing for
babies, children, and BBWs, restaurants, toy stores, etc.

#170

From: Melanie <melaniemcg2002@...>
Date: Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:15 pm
Subject: Re: Must see video

melaniemcg2002

Offline

that had me just bawling!!

I watched Adoption Stories yesterday morning and one
of the episodes a single woman adopted two Guatemalan
boys.  With the second one the birthmom handed the
baby to her and the adoptive one was commenting how
the saddest day in her life was the happiest day in
hers...  I cant imagine what it must be like to hand
over a baby like that...

--- Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:

> This is a super nice video done by Birth mom buds
>
> http://www.birthmombuds.com/slideshow2.htm

________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Do you Yahoo!?
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.
http://new.mail.yahoo.com

#169

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Sun Nov 26, 2006 4:48 am
Subject: Must see video

wife2wayne

Offline

http://www.birthmombuds.com/slideshow2.htm

This is a super nice video done by Birth mom buds

#168

From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sun Nov 19, 2006 10:00 pm
Subject: File - OTrading

OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

The OASIS family has a new list??? It is called OTRADING and is perfect for
saving TONS of money and cleaning out your homes at the same time! Have
something to sell, need clothing in the next size up for your child, need
maternity wear, have coupons to offer, FORMULA CHECKS offered and traded and
SOOOOOO much more!

So........what have you got to loose???? Join up today and start saving with the
rest of us!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OTrading

Karen
Moderator for OTrading

The Blurb for OTRADING:
The OPSS-OMOM Trading Post is a list for members of OPSS-L, OMOM, and OMOM-Kids
to use as a place to swap, sell, or give away items. The idea is to help each
other out by giving an avenue for list members to sell items they no longer need
and give others an opportunity to save money on purchases.

Examples of items would include maternity clothing, carriers, baby items, toys,
baby and children's clothing, educational materials. Members are also welcome to
post good coupons that may be of interest to members such as clothing for
babies, children, and BBWs, restaurants, toy stores, etc.

#167

From: halo4san@...
Date: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:37 pm
Subject: Re: International vs. Domestic

halo4san

Offline

jknjln@... writes:

I have been doing some heavy thinking - and am still very confused.
We are now starting to think that International may be the best path
for us.

Do any of you have any pros/cons for either?

Thank you for your help!!
Jenney

We are going International. We wanted to do domestic but met too many people who lost a lot of money that way when birth moms changed their minds. International is expensive but once you leave that country with your baby you don't have to worry about anyone changing their mind. Both have good and bad points and it is a very personal decision as to which way to go. My best suggestion is do a lot of research and pick an agency or attorney VERY carefully

Sandra
Mommy to Ryan 1/18/01
Future Mommy to a Mayan Princess
"May you always have love to share, health to spare, and friends that care"
Please visit my toy website Welcome to Discovery Toys

#166

From: "Jennifer Moore" <mommy2miriam@...>
Date: Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:30 pm
Subject: MAPP classes, was Re: Melanie.....

moorejr3

Offline

In the 2 classes we attended (6 hours) we read NOTHING. Everything was either lecture or role playing. I have thought about writing a letter or talking to the teachers. It is really something we would like to do but since this is the county we live in we have to take these classes. It is so frustrating!

Jennifer

On 11/15/06, tammy.houser@... <tammy.houser@... > wrote:

Jennifer, WOW! That is totally ridiculous! My hubby would NOT do that
either. I have never heard of such a thing. In our classes we read a lot
& our instructor would go around the room & if you didn't want to read you
would say "pass". My hubby sat next to me & when it was his turn I would
just automatically start reading for him. He just doesn't like to read out
loud. It's a shame that your instructor is choosing to teach this way. It
is running potential parents off. Maybe if you wrote or called &
complained or maybe if you talked to the instructor & told them that your
not comfortable role playing & see what they say.

Tammy H

"Jennifer Moore"
<mommy2miriam@gma To
il.com> OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Sent by: cc
OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
groups.com Subject
Re: [OASIS-Adopt] Melanie.....

11/11/2006 09:45
AM

Please respond to
OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
groups.com

We started the process to begin foster care last month. After 2 classes we
stopped doing it and haven't decided if we will start it up again or not.
Our MAPP classes were not what we expected. The content was fine but the
way they taught their classes was what we had a problem with. Long story,
but I would love to know if it's just our county or how other places teach
their MAPP classes.

For example it was all hands on. For instance when they were going over
scenarios we might encounter, instead of reading about them and having
discussions we would role play everything. They call it role play but I
don't. In a real role play situation you are there to figure out what it
might be like to walk in someones shoes. This was not the case, it was 100%
scripted and the adults in the class "played" a mom and dad and their 2
kids. The 2 kids were young so they had to crawl on the floor the whole
time. It went on for about 2 hours. The teacher would say "Okay children
grab dad's legs, now dad push them away, now kids cry and pitch fits on the
floor." And the participants literally did all of that. For 2 hours 2
adults crawled around on the floor and pitched fits by rolling around. At
the end it was told that everyone would be expected to play all the roles
at some point. There was no way my DH was rolling around on the floor for 2
hours. I a! sked the teacher afterwards why we could not have just read the

scenario and discussed it like adults including how it would make us feel.
She said that they have found that some of the people taking the class
don't read as well as others and since they would have trouble
comprehending what was written they found it easier to act everything out.

We never went back after that. I don't want to sound like we are better
than anyone else but good grief. It is a class for adults, I expected it to
be treated that way. I am not sure if we will just suck it up so to speak
and go back or give it up altogether. We do have some private foster
agencies around here so I am looking into how they teach their MAPP
classes.

If it's too personal I understand but if anyone has been through MAPP I
would love to hear your experiences. Is this just the way it is or just the
way it is here?

Blessings,
Jennifer

On 11/10/06, Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:

I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the
first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can.

Every state is that way. The first plan is to take them from the
bios and put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if
that fails for whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the
foster parents get first refusal. That is one big downfall!

Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

Don't buy into that one. We got a newborn as our first placement.
Once you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can
state and they will try to match you with that age, however they will
also try to get you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it
could take a few years but it may just happen!

My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents. They
either have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job
basically. I found there are three types of people that do
fostercare
1. Infertiles that want a family
2. People that do it for a living
3. Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption
phase now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old. She
is now 27 months old. We woudl go to the end of the planet for her
however for an unknown child, never again. We came too close to
losing her to her bio a few times and then when bio had rights
terminated we had a horrible case worker who thought that people with
more money than us and a bigger house etc should raise our daughter
and he moved her. We had no legal grounds. I fought with all we had
and we got her home in 10 days but those were the worst 10 days of my
life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER. Once our adoption
is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory details as I
have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies etc.
It was just horrific.

One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do
adoption. You get liscencsed the same way as fostering however
instead of doing fostercare first you just sign up to adopt.
Children that are cleared for adoption then are the ones that you
would meet and visit with and potentially go from there for adoption.
I would recommend this route but also ask questions like why are the
fosterparents not adopting this child? Go in eyes wide open and you
can come out a great family. We were just too nieve to believe the
system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it about killed
us in the process.

Hugs
Karen

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#165

From: tammy.houser@...
Date: Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:43 pm
Subject: Re: Melanie.....

housersiron

Offline

Jennifer, WOW!  That is totally ridiculous!  My hubby would NOT do that
either.  I have never heard of such a thing.  In our classes we read a lot
& our instructor would go around the room & if you didn't want to read you
would say "pass".  My hubby sat next to me & when it was his turn I would
just automatically start reading for him.  He just doesn't like to read out
loud.  It's a shame that your instructor is choosing to teach this way.  It
is running potential parents off.  Maybe if you wrote or called &
complained or maybe if you talked to the instructor & told them that your
not comfortable role playing & see what they say.

Tammy H




              "Jennifer Moore"
              <mommy2miriam@gma                                          To
              il.com>                   OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
              Sent by:                                                   cc
              OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
              groups.com                                            Subject
                                        Re: [OASIS-Adopt] Melanie.....

              11/11/2006 09:45
              AM


              Please respond to
              OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
                 groups.com






We started the process to begin foster care last month. After 2 classes we
stopped doing it and haven't decided if we will start it up again or not.
Our MAPP classes were not what we expected. The content was fine but the
way they taught their classes was what we had a problem with. Long story,
but I would love to know if it's just our county or how other places teach
their MAPP classes.

For example it was all hands on. For instance when they were going over
scenarios we might encounter, instead of reading about them and having
discussions we would role play everything. They call it role play but I
don't. In a real role play situation you are there to figure out what it
might be like to walk in someones shoes. This was not the case, it was 100%
scripted and the adults in the class "played" a mom and dad and their 2
kids. The 2 kids were young so they had to crawl on the floor the whole
time. It went on for about 2 hours. The teacher would say "Okay children
grab dad's legs, now dad push them away, now kids cry and pitch fits on the
floor." And the participants literally did all of that. For 2 hours 2
adults crawled around on the floor and pitched fits by rolling around. At
the end it was told that everyone would be expected to play all the roles
at some point. There was no way my DH was rolling around on the floor for 2
hours. I a! sked the teacher afterwards why we could not have just read the
scenario and discussed it like adults including how it would make us feel.
She said that they have found that some of the people taking the class
don't read as well as others and since they would have trouble
comprehending what was written they found it easier to act everything out.

We never went back after that. I don't want to sound like we are better
than anyone else but good grief. It is a class for adults, I expected it to
be treated that way. I am not sure if we will just suck it up so to speak
and go back or give it up altogether. We do have some private foster
agencies around here so I am looking into how they teach their MAPP
classes.

If it's too personal I understand but if anyone has been through MAPP I
would love to hear your experiences. Is this just the way it is or just the
way it is here?

Blessings,
Jennifer

On 11/10/06, Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:


       I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the
       first
       plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
       think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
       and sometimes I wonder if I can.

       Every state is that way.  The first plan is to take them from the
       bios and put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if
       that fails for whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the
       foster parents get first refusal.  That is one big downfall!


       Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
       waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

       Don't buy into that one.  We got a newborn as our first placement.
       Once you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can
       state and they will try to match you with that age, however they will
       also try to get you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it
       could take a few years but it may just happen!


       My dh
       is also worried about the cost of international
       adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
       you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
       people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

       I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents.  They
       either have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job
       basically.  I found there are three types of people that do
       fostercare
       1.  Infertiles that want a family
       2.  People that do it for a living
       3.  Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

       That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

       I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption
       phase now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old.  She
       is now 27 months old.  We woudl go to the end of the planet for her
       however for an unknown child, never again.  We came too close to
       losing her to her bio a few times and then when bio had rights
       terminated we had a horrible case worker who thought that people with
       more money than us and a bigger house etc should raise our daughter
       and he moved her.  We had no legal grounds.  I fought with all we had
       and we got her home in 10 days but those were the worst 10 days of my
       life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER.  Once our adoption
       is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory details as I
       have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies etc.
       It was just horrific.

       One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do
       adoption.  You get liscencsed the same way as fostering however
       instead of doing fostercare first you just sign up to adopt.
       Children that are cleared for adoption then are the ones that you
       would meet and visit with and potentially go from there for adoption.
       I would recommend this route but also ask questions like why are the
       fosterparents not adopting this child?  Go in eyes wide open and you
       can come out a great family.  We were just too nieve to believe the
       system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it about killed
       us in the process.

       Hugs
       Karen

#164

From: tammy.houser@...
Date: Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:36 pm
Subject: Re: Melanie.....

housersiron

Offline

Hi Melanie,

I just read Karen's reply to your message.  Yes, my hubby & I adopted
through our state, WV.  When we started the process we specified that we
were only interested in children that were free for adoption.  We had
battled infertility for 15 years & my heart could not take them taking a
child from me that I had grown to love.  We were told that would be fine
but if we wanted a white baby then we most likely would not get it, but if
we wanted a bi-racial or black baby it would happen pretty quick.  At that
point we really didn't want a baby, that a little older child (3 or older)
would be fine with us.  There are just so many older children out there
that need someone to love them.  We ended up with a 6 yr. old boy & his 4
year old sister.  We fell in love the minute we met them.  Our adoption was
finalized Aug. 17, 2006.  Didn't cost us a penny, state paid for
everything.  Let me know if you have any questions, I love talking about
it.  I know in WV there are a lot of babies in foster care, it's a matter
of waiting.

Tammy H




              "Karen
              Grant-Tolman"                                              To
              <kmegrant@...         "AdoptOasis"
              r.com>                    <OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com>
              Sent by:                                                   cc
              OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
              groups.com                                            Subject
                                        [OASIS-Adopt] Melanie.....

              11/10/2006 07:32
              PM


              Please respond to
              OASIS-Adopt@yahoo
                 groups.com






I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can.



Every state is that way.  The first plan is to take them from the bios and
put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if that fails for
whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the foster parents get
first refusal.  That is one big downfall!


Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

Don't buy into that one.  We got a newborn as our first placement.  Once
you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can state and
they will try to match you with that age, however they will also try to get
you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it could take a few
years but it may just happen!


My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents.  They either
have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job basically.  I
found there are three types of people that do fostercare
1.  Infertiles that want a family
2.  People that do it for a living
3.  Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption phase
now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old.  She is now 27
months old.  We woudl go to the end of the planet for her however for an
unknown child, never again.  We came too close to losing her to her bio a
few times and then when bio had rights terminated we had a horrible case
worker who thought that people with more money than us and a bigger house
etc should raise our daughter and he moved her.  We had no legal grounds.
I fought with all we had and we got her home in 10 days but those were the
worst 10 days of my life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER.
Once our adoption is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory
details as I have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies
etc.  It was just horrific.

One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do adoption.  You
get liscencsed the same way as fostering however instead of doing
fostercare first you just sign up to adopt.  Children that are cleared for
adoption then are the ones that you would meet and visit with and
potentially go from there for adoption.  I would recommend this route but
also ask questions like why are the fosterparents not adopting this child?
Go in eyes wide open and you can come out a great family.  We were just too
nieve to believe the system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it
about killed us in the process.

Hugs
Karen

#163

From: Misty Moore <mnmoore3@...>
Date: Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:16 am
Subject: Re: Melanie.....

mnmoore3

Offline

Ours was nothing like that. We had one class, I think, that they did some role playing but it was not required for everyone to participate. Our complaint with MAPP is that it was very unorganized.

Misty

Jennifer Moore <mommy2miriam@...> wrote:

We started the process to begin foster care last month. After 2 classes we stopped doing it and haven't decided if we will start it up again or not. Our MAPP classes were not what we expected. The content was fine but the way they taught their classes was what we had a problem with. Long story, but I would love to know if it's just our county or how other places teach their MAPP classes.

For example it was all hands on. For instance when they were going over scenarios we might encounter, instead of reading about them and having discussions we would role play everything. They call it role play but I don't. In a real role play situation you are there to figure out what it might be like to walk in someones shoes. This was not the case, it was 100% scripted and the adults in the class "played" a mom and dad and their 2 kids. The 2 kids were young so they had to crawl on the floor the whole time. It went on for about 2 hours. The teacher would say "Okay children grab dad's legs, now dad push them away, now kids cry and pitch fits on the floor." And the participants literally did all of that. For 2 hours 2 adults crawled around on the floor and pitched fits by rolling around. At the end it was told that everyone would be expected to play all the roles at some point. There was no way my DH was rolling around on the floor for 2 hours. I asked the teacher afterwards why we could not have just read the scenario and discussed it like adults including how it would make us feel. She said that they have found that some of the people taking the class don't read as well as others and since they would have trouble comprehending what was written they found it easier to act everything out.

We never went back after that. I don't want to sound like we are better than anyone else but good grief. It is a class for adults, I expected it to be treated that way. I am not sure if we will just suck it up so to speak and go back or give it up altogether. We do have some private foster agencies around here so I am looking into how they teach their MAPP classes.

If it's too personal I understand but if anyone has been through MAPP I would love to hear your experiences. Is this just the way it is or just the way it is here?

Blessings,
Jennifer

On 11/10/06, Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@maine.rr.com> wrote:

I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can.

Every state is that way. The first plan is to take them from the bios and put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if that fails for whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the foster parents get first refusal. That is one big downfall!

Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

Don't buy into that one. We got a newborn as our first placement. Once you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can state and they will try to match you with that age, however they will also try to get you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it could take a few years but it may just happen!

My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents. They either have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job basically. I found there are three types of people that do fostercare

1. Infertiles that want a family

2. People that do it for a living

3. Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption phase now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old. She is now 27 months old. We woudl go to the end of the planet for her however for an unknown child, never again. We came too close to losing her to her bio a few times and then when bio had rights terminated we had a horrible case worker who thought that people with more money than us and a bigger house etc should raise our daughter and he moved her. We had no legal grounds. I fought with all we had and we got her home in 10 days but those were the worst 10 days of my life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER. Once our adoption is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory details as I have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies etc. It was just horrific.

One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do adoption. You get liscencsed the same way as fostering however instead of doing fostercare first you just sign up to adopt. Children that are cleared for adoption then are the ones that you would meet and visit with and potentially go from there for adoption. I would recommend this route but also ask questions like why are the fosterparents not adopting this child? Go in eyes wide open and you can come out a great family. We were just too nieve to believe the system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it about killed us in the process.

Hugs

Karen

Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.

#162

From: "Jennifer Moore" <mommy2miriam@...>
Date: Sat Nov 11, 2006 2:45 pm
Subject: Re: Melanie.....

moorejr3

Offline

We started the process to begin foster care last month. After 2 classes we stopped doing it and haven't decided if we will start it up again or not. Our MAPP classes were not what we expected. The content was fine but the way they taught their classes was what we had a problem with. Long story, but I would love to know if it's just our county or how other places teach their MAPP classes.

For example it was all hands on. For instance when they were going over scenarios we might encounter, instead of reading about them and having discussions we would role play everything. They call it role play but I don't. In a real role play situation you are there to figure out what it might be like to walk in someones shoes. This was not the case, it was 100% scripted and the adults in the class "played" a mom and dad and their 2 kids. The 2 kids were young so they had to crawl on the floor the whole time. It went on for about 2 hours. The teacher would say "Okay children grab dad's legs, now dad push them away, now kids cry and pitch fits on the floor." And the participants literally did all of that. For 2 hours 2 adults crawled around on the floor and pitched fits by rolling around. At the end it was told that everyone would be expected to play all the roles at some point. There was no way my DH was rolling around on the floor for 2 hours. I asked the teacher afterwards why we could not have just read the scenario and discussed it like adults including how it would make us feel. She said that they have found that some of the people taking the class don't read as well as others and since they would have trouble comprehending what was written they found it easier to act everything out.

We never went back after that. I don't want to sound like we are better than anyone else but good grief. It is a class for adults, I expected it to be treated that way. I am not sure if we will just suck it up so to speak and go back or give it up altogether. We do have some private foster agencies around here so I am looking into how they teach their MAPP classes.

If it's too personal I understand but if anyone has been through MAPP I would love to hear your experiences. Is this just the way it is or just the way it is here?

Blessings,
Jennifer

On 11/10/06, Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:

I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can.

Every state is that way. The first plan is to take them from the bios and put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if that fails for whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the foster parents get first refusal. That is one big downfall!

Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

Don't buy into that one. We got a newborn as our first placement. Once you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can state and they will try to match you with that age, however they will also try to get you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it could take a few years but it may just happen!

My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents. They either have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job basically. I found there are three types of people that do fostercare

1. Infertiles that want a family

2. People that do it for a living

3. Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption phase now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old. She is now 27 months old. We woudl go to the end of the planet for her however for an unknown child, never again. We came too close to losing her to her bio a few times and then when bio had rights terminated we had a horrible case worker who thought that people with more money than us and a bigger house etc should raise our daughter and he moved her. We had no legal grounds. I fought with all we had and we got her home in 10 days but those were the worst 10 days of my life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER. Once our adoption is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory details as I have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies etc. It was just horrific.

One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do adoption. You get liscencsed the same way as fostering however instead of doing fostercare first you just sign up to adopt. Children that are cleared for adoption then are the ones that you would meet and visit with and potentially go from there for adoption. I would recommend this route but also ask questions like why are the fosterparents not adopting this child? Go in eyes wide open and you can come out a great family. We were just too nieve to believe the system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it about killed us in the process.

Hugs

Karen

#161

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Sat Nov 11, 2006 12:32 am
Subject: Melanie.....

wife2wayne

Offline

I was told in my state (MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can.

Every state is that way. The first plan is to take them from the bios and put into fostercare and reunify them with the parents and if that fails for whatever reasons then they are up for adoption and the foster parents get first refusal. That is one big downfall!

Infants aren't available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).

Don't buy into that one. We got a newborn as our first placement. Once you are liscenced they will ask what ages you want and you can state and they will try to match you with that age, however they will also try to get you to take other ages, just stand your ground and it could take a few years but it may just happen!

My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.

I found a lot of people on the lists are professional parents. They either have adopted a few or none and just do fostercare as a job basically. I found there are three types of people that do fostercare

1. Infertiles that want a family

2. People that do it for a living

3. Older persons that need to supplement their retirmeent income

That is my experience anyway around here, Maine.

I won't dive into too much but my husband and I are in the adoption phase now with our daughter who we got as a newborn, 2 days old. She is now 27 months old. We woudl go to the end of the planet for her however for an unknown child, never again. We came too close to losing her to her bio a few times and then when bio had rights terminated we had a horrible case worker who thought that people with more money than us and a bigger house etc should raise our daughter and he moved her. We had no legal grounds. I fought with all we had and we got her home in 10 days but those were the worst 10 days of my life and I will NEVER go through this again, EVER. Once our adoption is done I will be more than happy to share all the gory details as I have pages and pages of notes and conversations that were lies etc. It was just horrific.

One thing you can do and I know Tammy H did this was just do adoption. You get liscencsed the same way as fostering however instead of doing fostercare first you just sign up to adopt. Children that are cleared for adoption then are the ones that you would meet and visit with and potentially go from there for adoption. I would recommend this route but also ask questions like why are the fosterparents not adopting this child? Go in eyes wide open and you can come out a great family. We were just too nieve to believe the system could be as bad as it is this day in age and it about killed us in the process.

Hugs

Karen

#160

From: Deblazzaro@...
Date: Wed Nov 8, 2006 3:43 pm
Subject: Re: RE: RE: International vs. Domestic- Debbie

Deblazzaro@...

Okay! I'm not sure what the policy is either. You can email me at deblazzaro@.... I'd really appreciate it. And congratulations!!!!

----- Original Message -----
From: Jen Reichart
Date: Monday, November 6, 2006 10:56 pm
Subject: RE: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic- Debbie
To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

>
>
> Hey Debbie,
>
> Email me off list and I will be happy to share. I am not sure
> what the
> policy is about endorsing one agency over another on the list :-).
>
> Jen
>
> jenreichart@...
>
>
>
>

#159

From: "Jen Reichart" <jenreichart@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 9:48 pm
Subject: RE: RE: International vs. Domestic- Jen's Agency

jkreichart

Offline

OK, I hope I can explain this right! J

We didn’t use an agency exactly. (They are NOT facilitators, though, which are illegal in some states). I went with Step by Step Adoption consultants http://www.astepaheadadoption.com/founder.php . They are networked with over 30 agencies and adoption law firms across the US. You might not believe this, but there were no domestic waiting families for my twins! That is why the agency called SBS. We submitted a portfolio along with several other families and we were chosen. They also help with budgeting, financing, legal advice, counseling, adoption education, and lots of other things. One thing that we did NOT want to do was be tied down to the “wrong” agency. I head so many stories of people signing on with agencies and being in the waiting pool for years. (They also help people who have signed with agencies as long as the agency doesn’t mind.) They couldn’t go anywhere else because the agency had required a huge deposit. SBS has a very low one-time fee that is SO worth it- I can’t believe they don’t charge more for what they do! We didn’t pay our fees (to the birth parents agency) until the boys were home in NC with us. They are still supporting and helping us as we work through finalization. OH, and they help with International and Domestic adoptions. I don’t know much about the international side since we knew we wanted domestic when we signed, but if you have any questions, please ask! J

Jen

-----Original Message-----
From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com [mailto:OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Melanie
Sent: Tuesday, November 07, 2006 4:52 AM
To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic- Jen

Me too!!

--- Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@maine.rr.com> wrote:

> We have no policy and I would love to know the
> agency too :)
>
> Karen
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Jen Reichart
> To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 9:51 PM
> Subject: RE: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs.
> Domestic- Debbie
>
>
>
>
>
> Hey Debbie,
>
> Email me off list and I will be happy to share. I
> am not sure what the policy is about endorsing one
> agency over another on the list J.
>
> Jen
>
> jenreichart@nc.rr.com
>
>
>
>
>

__________________________________________________________
Cheap talk?
Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
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#158

From: Misty Moore <mnmoore3@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 9:12 pm
Subject: Re: Foster Adopt (was Int. vs Dom.) (Misty) LONG

mnmoore3

Offline

Hi Melanie...

It's hard to come up with information without seeming to go on and on and give too much information. Foster adoption can be very hard, but it is so rewarding and so worth it. Our situation is a little different than most. My mom and step dad had my girls in foster care for a little over 2 years. They were actually placed with us two weeks prior to finalization.... but that is NOT normal by any means. I will TRY to tell our story without it being too long. My mom got my oldest daughter in August of 2002 (so that would make her 5 at the time). She got my younger daughter 6 months or so later, she was 4 when placed with my mom. They are bio sisters. My youngest was the "problem" child that everyone gave up on. Prior to going to my mom's she had been in 13 homes (remember that is only in like 6 months time). We lived in Ohio at the time (FL now) and we had come down to visit. We always spent time with my parents foster kids when we came down and this trip wasn't anything different. DH & I joked with my best friends girls about them coming back to OH with us so they could have their own rooms (she has 3 daughters and they all shared a room at the time). She (my youngest) came up to me and sat on my lap (she was the absolute prettiest 4 year old I had ever seen) and said "I'll go home with you..." We kind of laughed it off and forgot all about it. Until the day DH & I were to go home about a week later.... She came walking down the stairs with all of her stuff packed in a little box and said "OK, I am ready to go home with you now. You can be my mommy & daddy..." I was heartbroken. There was no way I could take her home with me but I sure would have loved to. So, we let her know that she couldn't go home with us. She did enjoy going to the airport and seeing the "big planes" though. Fast forward a little over a year... we end up moving back to Florida (which in our previous trip, that was NOWHERE in the plans). At first we had to stay in my parents Mother-In-Law apartment while we were waiting on our house to sell. We decided to take the MAPP classes... just in case. We had to be background checked & finger printed to stay there, so why not go through the final phase and be licensed. We decided quickly that we wanted to adopt the girls. But, our home in Ohio still hadn't sold yet. We finally sold it and closed in May 05. The girls still weren't legally free for adoption yet. Their bios had been TPR-ed already but had appealed... over a year prior. In April, I started contacting people (the Governor of FL, President of US and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption), trying to get this drawn out appeal done. We got the call on May 27, 05 that there had been an emergency hearing (thanks to the Governor) and the appeal had been denied and the girls were finally legally free for adoption. We still lived with my parents but had found a house and were currently trying to get everything done and closed on June 15th. That we did. We were able to close on June 15th and moved in immediately. We took the girls with us and their adoptions were final on June 30th. Now, we do not currently foster. Our daughters didn't completely understand that adoption was final. They chose to change their entire names (first, middle & last) and even got to pick out their new names. But, they still thought adoption was the same thing as foster care. That is why we chose not to foster. We wanted them to understand that it was permanent and they were our daughters. But, my mom still fosters and every child since June 2002 she has gotten has been placed for adoption (she actually has three now that will become available for adoption soon). She hasn't had one that went through with reunification. In FL, you can just straight adopt, but most foster kids who become available for adoption end up being adopted by their foster parents (or family members in our case). Foster adoption can be very emotional, as can any type of adoption. It is almost impossible to adopt a baby through foster care. But, you wouldn't believe the firsts we have seen with our girls. We see new firsts all of the time. It may not be first step, first word, etc. but it is wonderful. I think in most states the first thing they try is reunification, but it doesn't always happen. You can request children close to TPR or already TPR'd if available. Yes, they do get judgemental on foster care lists about going into foster care to adopt. But, most of them didn't deal with infertility and have bio children or chose not to have bio children. I am not afraid to admit that we decided to foster adopt because of finances. There's nothing wrong with that. DH would not go into debt to adopt, so this was the only route for us. Did we hope bio's failed so we could get kids? NOPE, but it wasn't our fault that our girls bio's failed... it was their fault. Your right, that is just one story (the bio mom & BF killing the social worker), but it is something to think about. I know that I have nightmares sometimes about my girls bio mom coming and taking them from me. It is probably something I will always think about in the back of my mind. I feel like I have gone on and on... :)

Let me know if you have any specific questions or if you want any other info...

Misty

Melanie <melaniemcg2002@...> wrote:

Hi Misty,

I hope it's okay if I jump in here! My Dh leans
strongly toward foster adopt. We probably wouldn't
want to start for about 2 1/2 to 3 years. I do have
some fears. Well I follow a couple of foster lists and
some of the stories intimdate me. I worry about the
child going back to the bios. I was told in my state
(MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios. Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can. Infants aren't
available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess). My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you! Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.
The story about the bio mom and her boyfriend killing
the social worker who was bringing her son to her from
foster care scares me too! I know that is just one
story but still...

thanks,
Melanie

--- Misty Moore <mnmoore3@yahoo.com> wrote:

> Hi Jenney,
>
> I think you are following the right path. First you
> need to look into all aspects of adoption. Decide
> what is best for your family. My husband & I
> adopted
> two daughters (they are bio sisters) from foster
> care.
> We decided that we did not have to have a baby,
> although that is a very big decision to make. Some
> couples just need to have a baby. We also didn't
> have
> the money for an expensive adoption and my husband
> refused to go into debt to adopt... so with all of
> that, our best option was foster adopt. For our
> family, it was the best decision. Although
> sometimes
> I get the feelings of wanting a baby, I wouldn't
> change anything. I absolutely LOVE our family and
> our
> daughters. We have talked about adopting again (we
> adopted them almost 18 months ago) but our little
> family of 4 just works so perfectly I don't know if
> we
> will or not.
>
> Good luck on your decision making. If you have any
> questions regarding foster adopt, feel free to ask.
>
> Misty
>
> --- Jenney <jknjln@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > Hi All,
> >
> > I have been doing some heavy thinking - and am
> still
> > very confused.
> > We are now starting to think that International
> may
> > be the best path
> > for us.
> >
> > Do any of you have any pros/cons for either?
> >
> > Thank you for your help!!
> > Jenney
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> Misty
> Wife to Todd, Mom to Nicole - 9 (PTSD, ADD,
> Bedwetter--but dry since April 1, 06--My wonderful,
> sweet angel) and Leah - 7 (PTSD, ADHD, OCD--My
> pride, joy & heartache); adopted June 30,
> 2005...Wow, we survived our first year, now a
> lifetime to go.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> Sponsored Link
>
> Degrees online in as fast as 1 Yr - MBA, Bachelor's,
> Master's, Associate
> Click now to apply http://yahoo.degrees.info
>

__________________________________________________________
Want to start your own business?
Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.
http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/r-index

Sponsored Link

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#157

From: Melanie <melaniemcg2002@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 9:52 am
Subject: Re: RE: International vs. Domestic- Jen

melaniemcg2002

Offline

Me too!!

--- Karen Grant-Tolman <kmegrant@...> wrote:

> We have no policy and I would love to know the
> agency too :)
>
> Karen
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: Jen Reichart
>   To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
>   Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 9:51 PM
>   Subject: RE: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs.
> Domestic- Debbie
>
>
>
>
>
>   Hey Debbie,
>
>   Email me off list and I will be happy to share.  I
> am not sure what the policy is about endorsing one
> agency over another on the list J.
>
>   Jen
>
>   jenreichart@...
>
>
>
>
>





________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Cheap talk?
Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
http://voice.yahoo.com

#156

From: Melanie <melaniemcg2002@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 9:40 am
Subject: Re: International vs. Domestic (Misty)

melaniemcg2002

Offline

Hi Misty,

I hope it's okay if I jump in here!  My Dh leans
strongly toward foster adopt.  We probably wouldn't
want to start for about 2 1/2 to 3 years.  I do have
some fears. Well I follow a couple of foster lists and
some of the stories intimdate me.  I worry about the
child going back to the bios.  I was told in my state
(MO) it isnt a straight foster adopt but the first
plan is reunification with the bios.  Sometimes I
think I can handle it until we have one we can keep -
and sometimes I wonder if I can. Infants aren't
available for even fostering as they have a long
waiting list already. Which is okay (I guess).  My dh
is also worried about the cost of international
adoption. I'm nost sure what specific questions to ask
you!  Sometimes they get judgmental on the lists about
people who want to adopt rather than *just* foster.
The story about the bio mom and her boyfriend killing
the social worker who was bringing her son to her from
foster care scares me too!  I know that is just one
story but still...

thanks,
Melanie

--- Misty Moore <mnmoore3@...> wrote:

> Hi Jenney,
>
> I think you are following the right path.  First you
> need to look into all aspects of adoption.  Decide
> what is best for your family.  My husband & I
> adopted
> two daughters (they are bio sisters) from foster
> care.
>  We decided that we did not have to have a baby,
> although that is a very big decision to make.  Some
> couples just need to have a baby.  We also didn't
> have
> the money for an expensive adoption and my husband
> refused to go into debt to adopt... so with all of
> that, our best option was foster adopt.  For our
> family, it was the best decision.  Although
> sometimes
> I get the feelings of wanting a baby, I wouldn't
> change anything.  I absolutely LOVE our family and
> our
> daughters.  We have talked about adopting again (we
> adopted them almost 18 months ago) but our little
> family of 4 just works so perfectly I don't know if
> we
> will or not.
>
> Good luck on your decision making.  If you have any
> questions regarding foster adopt, feel free to ask.
>
> Misty
>
> --- Jenney <jknjln@...> wrote:
>
> > Hi All,
> >
> > I have been doing some heavy thinking - and am
> still
> > very confused.
> > We are now starting to think that International
> may
> > be the best path
> > for us.
> >
> > Do any of you have any pros/cons for either?
> >
> > Thank you for your help!!
> > Jenney
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>               Misty
>   Wife to Todd, Mom to Nicole - 9 (PTSD, ADD,
> Bedwetter--but dry since April 1, 06--My wonderful,
> sweet angel) and Leah - 7 (PTSD, ADHD, OCD--My
> pride, joy & heartache); adopted June 30,
> 2005...Wow, we survived our first year, now a
> lifetime to go.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
________________________________________________________________________________\
____
> Sponsored Link
>
> Degrees online in as fast as 1 Yr - MBA, Bachelor's,
> Master's, Associate
> Click now to apply http://yahoo.degrees.info
>

________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Want to start your own business?
Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.
http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/r-index

#155

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 3:58 am
Subject: Re: RE: International vs. Domestic- Debbie

wife2wayne

Offline

We have no policy and I would love to know the agency too :)

Karen

----- Original Message -----

From: Jen Reichart

To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 9:51 PM

Subject: RE: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic- Debbie

Hey Debbie,

Email me off list and I will be happy to share. I am not sure what the policy is about endorsing one agency over another on the list J.

Jen

jenreichart@nc.rr.com

#154

From: "Jen Reichart" <jenreichart@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 4:00 am
Subject: RE: International vs. Domestic

jkreichart

Offline

Karen,

We are settling in wonderfully J. I don’t get much sleep, but I can’t imagine life without them- they just fit!

Jen

-----Original Message-----
From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com [mailto:OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Karen Grant-Tolman
Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 10:46 PM
To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic

Jen that is amazing! I am so happy for you guys! How are you all settling in to having infant twins in the home?

Huge hugs!

Karen

----- Original Message -----

From: Jen Reichart

To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 5:42 PM

Subject: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic

Hi Jenney,

Congratulations on your decision to adopt. Your question is one that it seems like everyone has to address at some point. My husband and I were planning to adopt internationally until I did more research. I think the bottom line is, you have to decide what things are important to you. Everyone makes the best decision they can for their family.

In my case, I desperately wanted a newborn but thought that wasn’t possible. I had also heard that placement of domestic newborns usually took several years and often had drug and alcohol related issues. I heard lots of birthmother horror stories, too. After attending an adoption information faire, we became more informed and dispelled many of those myths. We found out that the company we used had a quick placement average (9 months). We also had financial considerations as well (we spent most of what we had on fertility treatments including IVF that wasn’t covered at all by insurance) like most people J and wanted a baby (my hubby wanted a boy) quickly after undergoing fertility treatments for years. Our case is unusual in our little support group of adoptive parents, we are the only ones to adopt domestically. We signed with our agency at the end of April (this year), finished our home study mid May and got our first call about prospective babies the following Friday. The babies (identical twin full Caucasian boys) were due Oct. 3. We were matched and brought our babies home from the hospital 48 hours after they were born (their birthday is Sept 18). They are now 7 weeks old. The whole process took like 5 months from sign up to babies. J

Anyhow, forgive me for sharing my story, but I think it is pretty special. J Just sit down with your partner and decide what things are important to you and let that help steer you in the right direction. I remember how overwhelming it all was when we were just starting out, if you have any questions, I’d be happy to help J.

Jen

-----Original Message-----
From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com [mailto:OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Jenney
Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 3:25 PM
To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic

Hi All,

I have been doing some heavy thinking - and am still very confused.
We are now starting to think that International may be the best path
for us.

Do any of you have any pros/cons for either?

Thank you for your help!!
Jenney

#153

From: "Jen Reichart" <jenreichart@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 2:51 am
Subject: RE: RE: International vs. Domestic- Debbie

jkreichart

Offline

Hey Debbie,

Email me off list and I will be happy to share. I am not sure what the policy is about endorsing one agency over another on the list J.

Jen

jenreichart@...

#152

From: "Karen Grant-Tolman" <kmegrant@...>
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 3:46 am
Subject: Re: International vs. Domestic

wife2wayne

Offline

Jen that is amazing! I am so happy for you guys! How are you all settling in to having infant twins in the home?

Huge hugs!

Karen

----- Original Message -----

From: Jen Reichart

To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 5:42 PM

Subject: RE: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic

Hi Jenney,

Congratulations on your decision to adopt. Your question is one that it seems like everyone has to address at some point. My husband and I were planning to adopt internationally until I did more research. I think the bottom line is, you have to decide what things are important to you. Everyone makes the best decision they can for their family.

In my case, I desperately wanted a newborn but thought that wasn�t possible. I had also heard that placement of domestic newborns usually took several years and often had drug and alcohol related issues. I heard lots of birthmother horror stories, too. After attending an adoption information faire, we became more informed and dispelled many of those myths. We found out that the company we used had a quick placement average (9 months). We also had financial considerations as well (we spent most of what we had on fertility treatments including IVF that wasn�t covered at all by insurance) like most people J and wanted a baby (my hubby wanted a boy) quickly after undergoing fertility treatments for years. Our case is unusual in our little support group of adoptive parents, we are the only ones to adopt domestically. We signed with our agency at the end of April (this year), finished our home study mid May and got our first call about prospective babies the following Friday. The babies (identical twin full Caucasian boys) were due Oct. 3. We were matched and brought our babies home from the hospital 48 hours after they were born (their birthday is Sept 18). They are now 7 weeks old. The whole process took like 5 months from sign up to babies. J

Anyhow, forgive me for sharing my story, but I think it is pretty special. J Just sit down with your partner and decide what things are important to you and let that help steer you in the right direction. I remember how overwhelming it all was when we were just starting out, if you have any questions, I�d be happy to help J.

Jen

-----Original Message-----
From: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com [mailto:OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Jenney
Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 3:25 PM
To: OASIS-Adopt@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [OASIS-Adopt] International vs. Domestic

Hi All,

I have been doing some heavy thinking - and am still very confused.
We are now starting to think that International may be the best path
for us.

Do any of you have any pros/cons for either?

Thank you for your help!!
Jenney

#151

From: Deblazzaro@...
Date: Tue Nov 7, 2006 1:57 am
Subject: Re: RE: International vs. Domestic

Deblazzaro@...

Jen, would you mind sharing the name of your adoption agency??? My husband and I adopted a baby boy recently (domestically because I also had my heart set on a newborn) and we are very happy, but we are thinking of adopting again and I'd love to have faster results. thanks,

Debbie