Hi Melanie...

 

It's hard to come up with information without seeming to go on and on and give too much information.  Foster adoption can be very hard, but it is so rewarding and so worth it.  Our situation is a little different than most.  My mom and step dad had my girls in foster care for a little over 2 years.  They were actually placed with us two weeks prior to finalization.... but that is NOT normal by any means.  I will TRY to tell our story without it being too long.  My mom got my oldest daughter in August of 2002 (so that would make her 5 at the time).  She got my younger daughter 6 months or so later, she was 4 when placed with my mom.  They are bio sisters.  My youngest was the "problem" child that everyone gave up on.  Prior to going to my mom's she had been in 13 homes (remember that is only in like 6 months time).  We lived in Ohio at the time (FL now) and we had come down to visit.  We always spent time with my parents foster kids when we came down and this trip wasn't anything different.  DH & I joked with my best friends girls about them coming back to OH with us so they could have their own rooms (she has 3 daughters and they all shared a room at the time).  She (my youngest) came up to me and sat on my lap (she was the absolute prettiest 4 year old I had ever seen) and said "I'll go home with you..." We kind of laughed it off and forgot all about it.  Until the day DH & I were to go home about a week later.... She came walking down the stairs with all of her stuff packed in a little box and said "OK, I am ready to go home with you now.  You can be my mommy & daddy..."  I was heartbroken.  There was no way I could take her home with me but I sure would have loved to.  So, we let her know that she couldn't go home with us.  She did enjoy going to the airport and seeing the "big planes" though.  Fast forward a little over a year... we end up moving back to Florida (which in our previous trip, that was NOWHERE in the plans).  At first we had to stay in my parents Mother-In-Law apartment while we were waiting on our house to sell.  We decided to take the MAPP classes... just in case.  We had to be background checked & finger printed to stay there, so why not go through the final phase and be licensed.  We decided quickly that we wanted to adopt the girls.  But, our home in Ohio still hadn't sold yet.  We finally sold it and closed in May 05.  The girls still weren't legally free for adoption yet.  Their bios had been TPR-ed already but had appealed... over a year prior.  In April, I started contacting people (the Governor of FL, President of US and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption), trying to get this drawn out appeal done.  We got the call on May 27, 05 that there had been an emergency hearing (thanks to the Governor) and the appeal had been denied and the girls were finally legally free for adoption.  We still lived with my parents but had found a house and were currently trying to get everything done and closed on June 15th.  That we did.  We were able to close on June 15th and moved in immediately.  We took the girls with us and their adoptions were final on June 30th.  Now, we do not currently foster.  Our daughters didn't completely understand that adoption was final.  They chose to change their entire names (first, middle & last) and even got to pick out their new names.  But, they still thought adoption was the same thing as foster care.  That is why we chose not to foster.  We wanted them to understand that it was permanent and they were our daughters.  But, my mom still fosters and every child since June 2002 she has gotten has been placed for adoption (she actually has three now that will become available for adoption soon).  She hasn't had one that went through with reunification.  In FL, you can just straight adopt, but most foster kids who become available for adoption end up being adopted by their foster parents (or family members in our case).  Foster adoption can be very emotional, as can any type of adoption.  It is almost impossible to adopt a baby through foster care.  But, you wouldn't believe the firsts we have seen with our girls.  We see new firsts all of the time.  It may not be first step, first word, etc. but it is wonderful.  I think in most states the first thing they try is reunification, but it doesn't always happen.  You can request children close to TPR or already TPR'd if available.  Yes, they do get judgemental on foster care lists about going into foster care to adopt.  But, most of them didn't deal with infertility and have bio children or chose not to have bio children.  I am not afraid to admit that we decided to foster adopt because of finances.  There's nothing wrong with that.  DH would not go into debt to adopt, so this was the only route for us.  Did we hope bio's failed so we could get kids? NOPE, but it wasn't our fault that our girls bio's failed... it was their fault.  Your right, that is just one story (the bio mom & BF killing the social worker), but it is something to think about.  I know that I have nightmares sometimes about my girls bio mom coming and taking them from me.  It is probably something I will always think about in the back of my mind.  I feel like I have gone on and on... :) 

 

Let me know if you have any specific questions or if you want any other info...

 

Misty

 

Melanie <melaniemcg2002@...> wrote: