For the past few months ED and I have been in full on battle of the wills mode. Some days I feel like I am winning but lately, more often then not, it seems that Ed is definitely the triumphant one. On days like today, when I’m in an extremely apathetic mood, I could really care less. Yeah, I’m having a bad day, and maybe just maybe a little bit of a pity party.

So many thoughts flowing through my mind. Do I even care if I live? Maybe ED will just be merciful and end this fight, this constant struggle of life for me. What’s the point? Why do I care if I recover? Will I EVER recover? WHY can’t you just leave me alone? No wait I don’t want you to leave, I need you… Do I really? WHY do I need ED to cope? Why can’t I just get through the struggles of life without ED? Most of these questions I have no answer for except that I DO know that when I am being rational and SANE I DO want to live, and I DO want a life without this constant battle between ED and I. Why does it have to be so hard?

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