I hope I am not giving away trade secrets here. To Lisa R. and Ari, I
miss you both. The holidays are especially full of breakups. The
idea here is that you survive, do the best you can, keep reaching out
and call me once in a while as you do your other friends.

I have an assignment at treatment, after doing an essay on Life with
Ed, the challenge becomes Life without Ed. I hope to do this essay
before discharge in late January.

I have been really depressed lately and that doesn't help.

But, in the meantime, I have been keeping track of what our therapist
calls sparkling moments and thought I'd share them here . There's
only a few so far.

The thought that I am ok the way I am right now.

The idea that I should pray for what I have, not for what I want.
(this is a big gratitude move-sorta thematically like Sheryl Crow song
'soak up the sun.')

Awakening out of bed without a thought about weight, but all about
human development-reading my OA literature. Praying to be free from
binge eating and the urge to purge and thanking god for this
consciousness.

When I realize that I can hold onto something, anything, to keep my
urges down.

The way I pray for clarity and meditate by shutting down my mind so
still it is like a cobra, all fanned out and waiting to strike.
Steely-still. It's hard to binge in that state.

The day I went to the grocery store and forgot all about the scale's
existence.

The day I realized that change happens slowly but we can work for it
every day and notice the small things.

THAT'S IT.

Many of you may think I'm nuts, but I would never have had any of
these NON ED thoughts before starting treatment and beginning to read
eastern philosophy. In fact, I used a confucious quote in my journal
and am going now to read my oa literature and a few passages by the
dalai lama.

By the way, I still have plenty of disordered thinking, but maybe
today can be a better day than yesterday.

Let's fire up this message board into a world of empowerment and
people reaching out for health.


Love

Allison