Greetings,

You know, Melody, your post is filled with a lot of enlightened and
compassionate observations. Sure we guys seem to bee looking for
understanding, love and what-not, but what about the ladies? They
I'll bet are experiencing similar needs. My heart aches for you and
the end of your thirty-one year marriage that ended because of your
own incontinence. This sort of thing doesn't just happen to we guys
and we need to be mindful of that. Rather than looking for women
who understand, perhaps we aught to be more ready and able to offer
that same love and understanding that we ourselves crave. Life is
a game of give and take and we guys need to be even more willing to
give than we are willing to take.

Bright Blessings,
RiverWind

"If we don't believe in freedom of expression for those whom we
despise, we don't believe in it at all." Noam Chomsky

Riverwind's little place in Cyber Space @
http://www.shellworld.net/~riverwind

On Tue, 6 Dec 2005, MUTH1146@... wrote:

> This is from a female to the man in Erie, Penn, and the 2 men who have
> written caring, supportive, encouraging, and understanding responses.
>
> What we all live with, and I DO understand the male feelings and thoughts,
> WILL be understood by a female who cares about you. When you were younger you
> were severely injured in a car accident and almost died. The accident caused
> permanent damages to your nerves controlling body elminations. You cannot do
> anything about it, nor can this be medically cured. It is your life.
>
> You are a giving caring man who desires what every man, and woman, desires -
> a caring relationship with the opposite sex. It is HARD for both man and/or
> woman to TELL anyone about "this." And, for some people, it can be very HARD
> to understand or accept about a man and/or woman one would be interested in,
> dating or more serious relationship. But, there ARE men and women who DO and
> WILL understand.
>
> Because we are in our "group" WE do understand. However, please read this.
> I'll try and be brief. For 55 yrs, I was "normal." I started urge
> incontinence 2 xs a month ...6 months AFTER a spinal cord injury.
>
> My neurogenic bladder was not tested at all. A uro literately ripped me to
> shreds performing a cystoscopy.
>
> Result? At age 55, I went from infrequent incontinence to 24/7. I went to 2
> uros after him who refused to order the retrograde to show the damages cause
> they didn't want to "go against a peer." I got "blackballed" medically. And,
> I started wearing diapers and I wet the bed every night, padding or not for
> the past 2 1/2 years. I had to END my 31 yr successful career. Marital
intimacy
> ended...and with this "new life?"....my husband was "leary" of taking me
> anywhere for fear I would have an "accident." That scenerio remains today.
>
> When I reach out thru emails to you.....I will say...we all walk in the same
> moccasins. For Mike, from Montreal, I strongly understand where you are,
> spouse-wise, because of a condition that is NOT your fault and of which you
cannot
> change.
>
> But I know couples who BOTH wear diapers....one before the other for one
> reason or another and I know there ARE people in this world who have
> "hearts"....who listen..who care about the PERSON strong enough to "accept"
this life
> situation. And, it is hard on them, too...BUT....
>
> mature adults can look past anything for the person "inside" each one of us.
>
> No, I am not a male and I understand the need for males on this site to
> receive support from males....but I am one female who does understand,
because,
> yes, I live like this, too....but want to encourage each one of us in this
> group......we care for each other, and yes, we will never meet......but there
are
> people who we do know who DO and WILL care for you....and accept you for who
you
> are.
>
> Melody in Texas
>