What My Mother Taught Me:
>
> My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished
> cleaning!"
>
> My mother taught me RELIGION
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
> week!"
>
> My mother taught me LOGIC
> "Because I said so, that's why."
>
> My mother taught me FORESIGHT
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
>
> My mother taught me IRONY
> "Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."
>
> My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
>
> My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
> "Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> My mother taught me about STAMINA
> "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
>
> My mother taught me about WEATHER
> "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
>
> My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
> "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen
> then?"
>
> My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
> "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't
exaggerate!!!"
>
> My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> My mother taught me about ENVY
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have
> wonderful parents like you do!"

~Author Unknown