Everyone,

 

Mom has been very suicidal lately. She has been suicidal for years, but lately has become obsessed with it. But this latest attack against herself I do not believe was an attempt of suicide but rather a temper tantrum in a big way. She lit herself on fire!!!

 

She has been begging for months now to go live with this person or that person or a NH, and then when the hospital offers to release her to a NH she says no she wants to come back home to me. Well, now she is really stuck on the NH home idea, but I think only because my brother won't let her come and stay with him. She trying to emotionally blackmail my brother and I, and when it doesn't work she tries to kill herself or hurt herself in some way. This time she lit herself on fire. I know she had no intention of actually letting herself burn, as she came straight to me after she lit the fire and held her arm out in front of me and said, "Rhonda...  look." She was burning, her sleeve was flaming, her skin was burning, and she didn't act like she even felt it.

 

She is the pscyhiatrict unit of course, but they'll probably want to realease her tomorrow. I took her to the hospital. Once I got her admitted I haven't been back to see her. I've never, ever left my mom alone in the hospital for any real length of time, and I just left her there and haven't been back to see her. My brother said to me she needs clothes and her other things, and I said "the hospital has clothes" and I said it so ubprubtly that he didn't say another word. She lit herself on fire and I am angry. I watched her do so many things to her body and I was already angry about that, but now she put my children in danger. She is terrified I won't let her see the children again, and that I won't let her come home. And she should be.

 

The problem that I had struggled with placing her anywhere is she is mom and I don't mind caring for her, and I promised her and my dad I would never put her in a NH. I promised my dad before her died. I intended to keep that promise, but I never agreed to put my children in danger. So I began researching placement. No one as far NH's will take her because she is suicidal. The only place I can find that will take her is ran by the Ohio Department of Mental Health and is not a nice place to be. It is a sanatarium and it has been around for years and has always had a bad reputation.

 

So I am struggling with the fact that I have to place her. I am struggling with the fact that there is no where to place her that I feel she would be safe. Then there is the other issue that if/when I do place her somewhere we will lose our home.

 

Life is not looking so bright right now, and I am feeling very angry, confused, and heart broken.

 

Chris...what part of Ohio are you from?

 

Rhonda

Cincinnati, OH