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Linda,
I know that when my mother died two years ago I felt that God blessed me with only allowing me to feel the loss in increments. I guess what I'm saying is that after the inital shock, I was numb for a bit, then I would feel the enormity of the loss and grieve and grieve, then I'd be numb for a while longer. I just felt like God only allowed me to feel as much as I could stand, because I couldn't have tolerated all of the pain and grief all at one time every day. I hope that makes sense. This process took months, probably the entire first year after mom's passing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that your daughter my have some very rough times, then they'll ease up a bit, then it may seem she is at square one in the grieving process again. I would ask God to help you to help her. I know that with God's help and her mother's love, she'll be fine, but the journey to get there will be rough at times.
God Bless,
Mandi
-----Original Message-----
From: Betty Childress <bchile@...>
To: Grief_Group@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sun, 1 Jul 2007 12:55 am
Subject: Re: [Grief_Group] searching for help
-----Original Message-----
From: Betty Childress <bchile@...>
To: Grief_Group@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sun, 1 Jul 2007 12:55 am
Subject: Re: [Grief_Group] searching for help
Linda,
I have never been a mother and I can't even begin to imagine how your heart must be breaking for your daugther. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own pace and I know when my mom died a couple years ago...my last living parent as my father died when I was 13...the things that meant the most to me were the people that were just there to listen or to take me to dinner or to just plain ask how I was doing after the initial 3 months had passed and everyone else seemingly forgot that I was still grieving. Grief is not something that you accomplish in a week or month or even 2-3 months...it is something that will take a couple years for her to work thru the process. And she must work thru the process...trying to avoid it only makes it harder somewhere along the way. As a mother...how to know what to do...I think you need to daily ask God to help understand and to show you what you can do to help her. If you have never really had to grieve an unexpected loss like this then read what you can on loss and grief. There are some good books recommended on our site and there are some good christian authors out there. One that I would recommend if H. Norman Wright's Dealing with the Losses in Life. This is a christian counselor and author who also understands what it's like to be a parent and lose a child. We also have some very good members of this group who unfortunately have gone thru the loss of a child and can maybe help you along the way. Different things will minister to her along the way and at times she will want to talk and other times the best you can do for her is to just let her know you are always there to lean on when she needs it. For me...the most healing thing that I found sometimes was music.....music spoke to my heart when my head could not even hear the words people were saying.
I know this I'm not coming from the same issue as your dealing with but God does understand our grief and He understands the survivor's desires to help the griever also.
Betty
----- Original Message -----From: LindaSent: Saturday, June 30, 2007 6:48 PMSubject: [Grief_Group] searching for help
My daughter (24yrs) was involved in an auto accident that killed her
boyfriend and another friend. I am seaching for things that might
help her or things to say or give. This is something any parent does
not want to watch their children go through so I am just trying to
someone thats been there or close and things that helped you. She has
been living on her own but has been back home recouperating but in a
few weeks will be back to her own place. Thanks for any responses.
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