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Hi Kay,
Welcome. I'm really sorry for you great loss. Aaron was such a wonderful man that was easy to get to know and once a person knew him, grew in appreciation of his character and that he was a character
For those in the group, we had a celebration concert for Aaron last year because he was a musician, and, well, we musicians wanted to throw a party/concert for Kay and Aaron. In the middle there was a slide show of Aaron and Kay's life. There were many pictures where you
could literally feel the love this couple had for each other. It was a testimony of God's blessing in thier lives, but it also points to the depth of hurt Kay's going through as she's truly lost someone totally wonderful.
I'm currently reading a book by Henry Nouwen that is really compelling. He talks about the intense loneliness all of us feel. When we lose someone close to us, especially someone really special or someone we rely on, it accentuates the loneliness in a big way.
The hard movement we have to make is seeing how God can be with us in that lonely place. Now I'm not talking about replacing that person. We can't replace anyone!
It's letting God into that lonely place we have that was there even when our loved one was still alive. Yes, it was there, but not as evident because we feel more fulfilled, distracted, busy, etc.
David experienced the loneliness, frustration and fears we all feel. He dutifully recorded them to help us on our journey:
Psalm 5:1-12 Give ear to my words, O LORD, Consider my meditation. 2 Give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, For to You I will pray. 3 My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up. 4 For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness, Nor shall evil dwell with You. 5 The boastful shall not stand in Your sight; You hate all workers of iniquity. 6 You shall destroy those who speak falsehood; The LORD abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man. 7 But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy; In fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple. 8 Lead me, O LORD, in Your righteousness because of my enemies; Make Your way straight before my face. 9 For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; Their inward part is destruction; Their throat is an open tomb; They flatter with their tongue.
10 Pronounce them guilty, O God! Let them fall by their own counsels; Cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions, For they have rebelled against You. 11 But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. 12 For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.
This is different only because David was being chased by evil men trying to kill him. But that act (like grief can be for us) makes the loneliness and fear we face daily stand out. Even through the difficulty David found a
way to turn his grief to praise. It's not easy (especially when people are chasing you with spears!), but God will protect his children and grant them favor as with a shield.
Again, welcome Kay. God's peace be with you and all who are here on this site.
John
Aaron and Kay <aaronnkay@...> wrote:
Hello Grief Group members,My name is Kay McNulty and my husband of 32 years, Aaron was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's Disease at age 48. He lost his battle with the disease and 8 months ago on January 2nd he died. I would like to join your group since the numbness has worn off now, I am feeling much weaker now than when he first died. I have been corresponding with J Hum and he suggested that I join this group. Kay McNulty
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