Hi! I am sitting here, crying my eyes out. It was not until midmorning today that I realized why this date seemed so familiar, strange to me...I realized that it was the second anniversary of my brother's death. I just wanted to go home when I realized it. Had I thought about it beforehand I would have taken the day off. I have not cried in a very long time for my brother, but this evening it finally overwhelmed me and I can't go to bed right now.

The first anniversary was a blur and I did not even dwell on it because it was soon after my mom's death and I was working through all of that.

I feel so lonesome inside sometimes. I don't know how to describe it. I am happy on the outside and things are good, but even in the middle of a busy day I suddenly realize that I don't have a mom anymore and my brother is gone and no one can replace them. They are gone and no one can bring them back. Tonight I can hear my mom's voice telling me about my brother's death and it hurts to know that I can not even talk to her to tell her how I feel right now.

Another thing that has me a bit down right now is that for the summer I won't be seeing my co-worker and I feel like it will be a very long summer without her. I get along great with all of my co-workers. They are a great bunch of people. But when I met her last summer, just right after I started to work, we got along right from the start. She also had quite a few losses in her life, is a strong christian. We have really serious discussions, but we also joke around everyday. We "compete" against eachother who does the better craft or bulletinboards in class...there is not a day that goes by that we don't laugh about something.

She lives in another town and has not reason to come to the town we both work at during the summer. I know I will see her again and it's kind of silly, but I will miss her during the summer months.

I also have one little boy that won't be back after this month. He also lives in another town and his mom is going to have a baby and won't be working next year. It makes it so hard. That is the part of my job I don't like. I get so attached and then it's time to say good-bye and I don't do well with good-byes. I even cried when one kid left that gave me a hard time every single day.  I could have pulled my hair out on some days, but then when I knew I would not see her again it made me so sad and I still miss her.

Well enough of this tonight. Just needed to get this of my chest. I feel a bit better now.  Esther