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Dear Michael,
DON'T GIVE UP, DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!
You have not survived this long for these years to be for naught. I have had too many friends that didn't have the opportunity at life that I now have. Sure there are days when I don't want to get out of bed or the ISR's are so painful that I second guess salvage therapy; but I choose to live! I currently am using the Biojector and the ISR are less obtrusive than the needles; but of course that is a personal choice. Sometimes we need a reason to live because our own reasoning is on hiatus. I too, like Rick, don't have a supportive lover that I would want to live for. You are special because you do. But find those things worth living for.
Here's an excercise: List 101 Things that you want to Do/ Be/ or Have before you die. This should include people you have always wanted to meet, places you have wanted to go, and things you have wanted to learn. No LIMITS! Especially those things that we thought about when we were little boys/girls. Don't let your mind say...."You can't do that, or that's stupid, or those million other things our mind tells us to keep us bound." Go FOR IT!
And when you have finished the list keep it in sight and promise to move toward them every day.
I commend you for reaching out to this group. I am glad that you voiced your feelings. Even though you are a stranger to me and I to you, know that we are on not this battlefield alone.
Keep Living............
Tammi/Virginia
-------------- Original message --------------
From: pozrangr@...
Dear Michael:We've all been where you are at some point in our long struggle with HIV/AIDS. Do you have any support groups in Tennessee? Find an upbeat one. And definitely, if you haven't already, seek a therapist. Not temporary, but long term. It sounds as if you suffer chronic depression. Your letter gives much more insight into your life than you probably meant to divulge, but you sound very interesting, provocative and creative. And, that sounds like an awful lot of value in a sometimes twisted world. I too am taking Fuzeon, I too have a hard skinned abdomen, and I too feel frustrated. However I never get angry, or bitter, or hopeless. I am a full time student at a university and pack my shit and head out ever day to conquer the world. This is a difference in attitude and mental state. A state I think you can achieve too. You sound like you have many friends and family and a supportive lover, all which I don't have. Start with your life's strengths, then work from there. Your too valuable to this world, stick in there, wait for soon approaching new therapies, and get ready to conquer the world! Ricky in Michigan
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