Whether it is a divorce mediator or an attorney, make sure that you
feel as well represented as him.

My first marriage ended with attorneys, but I think a divorce mediator
would have been fairer, which is perhaps why my ex-wife didn't want
one. She had far more money to spend than I. She had four attorneys
to my one and two investigators, too.

So I see the potential advantages of divorce mediation is that I think
it is more difficult for one party to overpower the other with
resources. I also think the results will be less random than the kind
of stuff that sometimes comes out of courts.

That said, other than looking into it, I have no experience with
divorce mediation.

eW

--- In End_Verbal_Abuse@yahoogroups.com, "Karin" <kmp1218@...> wrote:
>
> Greetings to all of you!
>
> Again, thank you for all the support you've given me here.
>
> I've realized in the last week or so that my VA is still playing the
> game whether he realizes it or not. His game is weakening but it's
> still there.
>
> His pleading is beginning to dwindle and I feel like he's giving up.
> I see this as a good thing. I'm not out to hurt him. I just want to
> be at peace and I've come to believe that I will not experience peace
> while living with him.
>
> He seems truly sorry for "pushing me past my limit" and I can forgive
> him for that though I will no longer allow the situation to
> perpetuate.
>
> One more question: he has proposed using a divorce mediator rather
> than an attorney. Have any of you used a divorce mediator? I've
> asked several people I know about it and I'm not getting any clear
> cut answers as to the advantages vs disadvantages.
>
> Hanging in there...
>
> Blessings,
>
> Karin
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In End_Verbal_Abuse@yahoogroups.com, "Karen" <karenjay59@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Karin,
> >
> > You say he said he had no idea he had pushed you to your
> > limit. That indicates to me that he was fully aware of what it was
> he
> > was doing all the time. He will never change and until he learns
> that
> > when you say no you really mean no, then he will know he can just
> keep
> > pushing until you say yes. Don't do it!!!
> >
> > All of us here who have managed to get away from our VAs know just
> how
> > hard it is to keep saying no in the face of the anger, the
> > name-calling, the tears, the begging, the guilt-inducing
> accusations.
> > But you just have to keep saying it.
> >
> > I'm thinking of you tonight and sending positive energy and love
> your way.
> >
> > Love and Light, Karen.
> >
> > --- In End_Verbal_Abuse@yahoogroups.com, "Karin" <kmp1218@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi to all,
> > >
> > > I've been logging on here for a few years now - posted once or
> > > twice. I've been with my VA for over 28 years, married for
> almost
> > > 24. I didn't realize I was being verbally & emotionally abused
> until
> > > about 4 years ago (how does that happen?) but now I reread a
> journal
> > > I started 27 years ago and it's very apparent that it's been
> > > happening since almost day 1.
> > >
> > > My struggle is this: 2 weeks ago (Super Bowl Sunday) my VA blew -
> he
> > > pressed every one of my buttons he could think of and kept at it.
> I
> > > decided then and there that that was it. The next morning, I
> called
> > > an attorney and by the following Friday had filed for divorce. I
> > > told my VA 8 days ago and he got a letter informing him of such
> > > action 5 days ago. I had no idea how he'd react and he was
> actually
> > > relatively cool about things. He was a little angry, then
> pleading
> > > some and then practical (well, we'll have to sell this and that
> and
> > > split everything up).
> > >
> > > Now he's started pleading with me to not go through with the
> > > divorce. He says he'll do ANYTHING to make things right. He says
> > > he'll change. He says he had no idea that he had pushed me to my
> > > limit. He says he doesn't want to lose me and on and on.
> > >
> > > It took me 28 years to muster up the courage to tell him and now
> I'm
> > > beginning to think twice about it. I know he won't change...I
> know
> > > it! But all this pleading forces me to tell him over and over
> again -
> > > and it's so hard!
> > >
> > > I'm just looking for a little support here - any wise words you
> can
> > > share will be greatly appreciated.
> > >
> > > Thank you in advance.
> > >
> >
>