I can't tell you how great it is to find this group. Until now i felt
like i was the only one on earth who suffers through this. I
completely relate to "struggling" -- as I've been married for 18 years
to someone very similar. After enduring years of the yo-yo VA/EA,
especially in the last 2 1/2 years (the worst began with our massive
home remodeling -go figure) I'm done. I told him this about a month
ago, which of course was followed by his beautiful promises to change.
Yup, we want so much to believe. But just as I feared, he blew up
again a couple nights ago. Now he's very scared - so much that he
suffocates me. He's there like a puppy and gets mad if i just want
some space ("you're not trying to get closer!"). In all this mess,
i've come to the cold realization that there's no love left in me. I
respect his intelligence; his social skill; his talents. I mean, he
thinks I'm crazy for wanting to leave his all perfect-ness. He's a
good father (mostly -- more on that later) But love -- just isn't
there. I thought if i just toughed it out for a while, it would
magically come back, but I don't think it will. Now the "good" times
we share are just a shell in my heart. Yes, his words hurt, but I
became numb to them. I find that I will agree, or surrender, or
apologize -- just to avoid an imminent argument. Lots more to say,
which I hope to share, but for now I'm just tired of pretending.
Thanks for listening.