Married 26 yrs and been together 28 yrs. His abuse has worsened over the years
to the point of my filing for divorce last year. Then he stopped paying bills
and we almost last everything. He convinced me bankruptcy was the only
alternative. My attorney told me not to sign, but I was forced into it. Thus my
divorce was cancelled and my attorney quit, leaving me to stay with the a**hole
for 5 more yrs or until bankruptcy is over.
He came home last night and saw the neighbor trying to cut tree limbs without
a ladder. He used to borrow ours. Hubby asked me why he didn't ask to borrow one
or even talk to him anymore. Well the reason is, his wife is my best friend and
they have seen how he treats me and my teen daughter. They do not respect him
any longer and frankly do not like him anymore. So I told him the reason, since
he kept pressing for an answer. That turned into him defending himself and
justifying his actions. They don't know him, don't know the truth, etc. Got to
the point of my having a panic/anxiety attack, him threatening to hit me, if I
was a man he would knock my lights out.{has done it before and went to jail
once}. Then since we were at it, daughter started yelling at me too. Turned into
a big fiasco. These men are really little boys needing a good spanking from
their mommy's. I do everything for him. He supports us by working, but that is
it. I am not able to work due to illness and
have been a sahm since daughter was born. I am about to go nuts living like
this. what is one to do?
Linda

zestforart@... wrote:

Dear Karin:

My VAH used to ask me the same questions over and over again, knowing I would
conscientiously and delicately try to answer them again and that it hurt me to
have to search for the nonoffensive words to do so, as if he was a child and
simply didn't understand.? The very asking of the same questions over and over
was a form of abuse to me, as the answer was always the same:? the reason I
don't feel comfortable giving you a juicy kiss is because you have insulted me
10 times today and disregarded my respectful wishes about our activities and
trivialized things that I have said from the depths of my soul, and when I once
in a blue moon point any of this out to you in a delicate way, you just defend
it and never seem to be sorry and do it again the next chance you get.? What is
so hard to understand about that, and why would any compassionate person have to
hear it more than once?

Zest







-----Original Message-----
From: Karin
To: End_Verbal_Abuse@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 12:52 pm
Subject: {End Verbal Abuse} struggling...

























Hi to all,



I've been logging on here for a few years now - posted once or

twice. I've been with my VA for over 28 years, married for almost

24. I didn't realize I was being verbally & emotionally abused until

about 4 years ago (how does that happen?) but now I reread a journal

I started 27 years ago and it's very apparent that it's been

happening since almost day 1.



My struggle is this: 2 weeks ago (Super Bowl Sunday) my VA blew - he

pressed every one of my buttons he could think of and kept at it. I

decided then and there that that was it. The next morning, I called

an attorney and by the following Friday had filed for divorce. I

told my VA 8 days ago and he got a letter informing him of such

action 5 days ago. I had no idea how he'd react and he was actually

relatively cool about things. He was a little angry, then pleading

some and then practical (well, we'll have to sell this and that and

split everything up).



Now he's started pleading with me to not go through with the

divorce. He says he'll do ANYTHING to make things right. He says

he'll change. He says he had no idea that he had pushed me to my

limit. He says he doesn't want to lose me and on and on.



It took me 28 years to muster up the courage to tell him and now I'm

beginning to think twice about it. I know he won't change...I know

it! But all this pleading forces me to tell him over and over again -

and it's so hard!



I'm just looking for a little support here - any wise words you can

share will be greatly appreciated.



Thank you in advance.





















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