Who is The Abuser? Who is The Victim?
by Dr. Irene

The sign of an intelligent people is their ability to control
emotions by the application of reason. - Mayra Mannes

While some cases are "classic" and clear-cut, sometimes it is very difficult
to make the distinction between who is the angry controller and who is the
codependent victim. Appearances may be deceiving...
Guidelines:

The abuser may be angry, loud & ugly.
The victim may be angry, loud & ugly.
The abuser may never raise their voice.
The victim may never raise their voice.
The abuser typically appears "rational," but not always.
The victim typically appears "irrational" or emotional.
The abuser thinks they are a victim & the victim agrees - or not.
The victim thinks they are a victim.
Both think they are the victim.
The abuser complains about how much they do & their partner doesn't.
The victim is often depressed, anxious, emotional, irrational, or otherwise
falling-apart.
The abuser is often depressed, anxious, emotional, irrational, or otherwise
falling-apart.
None, one, or both may abuse alcohol or other substances.
The abuser often presents well and has people's sympathy.
The victim usually does not present well and has people's sympathy.
Abusers appear controlling.
Victims appear controlling.
The abuser gets angrier if someone gets angry with him or her.
The codependent "can't stand it" if someone is angry with them.
The abuser's mood will "flip" for no apparent reason, usually when he or she
starts thinking about how their partner doesn't "care."
The victim's mood may "flip" for no apparent reason, when the last straw
breaks the camels back.
The victim is outraged by the abuser's lies and will accuse the abuser of
lying.
The abuser will twist words, lie, and will accuse the victim of lying.

Confused? Good. This list is intended to dispel myths and to point out how
difficult it is to figure out who is who, especially from outside tightly shut
doors. Both are controlling and lack self-control.





“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people wont feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
Its not just in some of us, it is in everyone." - Marianne Williamson


Fallen Officer Kenneth Collings
_http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html_
(http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html)






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