On Seeking Permission


© 2005 Richard, 21CP Author and Publisher

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)


This Excerpt:

On Seeking Permission

[Look for Meaning from Madness to be available in about a week: around Jan
22. It will be a great compliment to Tears and Healing.

Seeking Permission, admittedly, is a small section dealing with a large
topic. But like all of Tears and Healing, its purpose is to challenge the status
quo, and help you open new doors in your own thinking and exploring.

I guess this can be boiled down rather simply. Sometimes people get stuck
with a particular scripture they believe is God's mandate for their lives. Yet,
the scripture was written by men long ago, and HE is always right there with
you. Why not ask Him to guide you? He will.]

On Seeking Permission

Most everyone takes marriage vows very seriously. It is ingrained in us all
our lives to see them as the most sacred of promises. And most nons hold
their promise to their spouse as their highest commitment.

Unfortunately for some, the pain of the relationship truly tests this
commitment. When things reach the point where vows are pulling in one direction,
and our need for safety and sanity pulls in the opposite direction, it’s time
to
seek a higher perspective. Everybody sees this a little differently, but you
need to connect with your highest authority, and seek the most fundamental
answer to the question: Is what you are doing wrong?

Our obligation to our spouses is but one obligation among many we have. We
also have sacred obligations to nurture our children and even to love
ourselves. To nurture our children, we must ourselves be whole and functioning.
What
are we to do when our commitment to our marriage jeopardizes our ability to
fulfill our commitment to our children? This is especially critical for those
nons whose spouses are partly or totally unable to provide nurturing for their
children. If not us, then who? Can we allow the illness of a spouse to put
our children’s care in jeopardy?

Seeking Permission

For many nons, the situation boils down to a choice: either we keep our
commitment to our spouse and lose our own peace, and possibly even the ability
to
care for our children; or we choose to step outside the bounds we have set in
our marriage commitments, and take care of ourselves and our children first.
Most of us have a very difficult time accepting the second choice. And
ultimately, to do so, we need to be granted permission to step outside the
bounds
of our vows.

For those with strong belief in God, this can be found by seeking God’s
will. This will come through prayer, reflection, and scripture. We need to ask
whether God intends for us to suffer in this way, or whether He instead grants
us permission to care for ourselves and our children, in the face of terrible
pain, by stepping outside those vows.

For me, I find this authority within myself. I believe that my spirit
ultimately defines truth and right. I sought, through meditation and reflection,
to
connect with those most basic feelings. When I did, I found that I was freely
granted the right to do what was right for me, to say NO to the hurtful
behavior, and to do things I thought others would disapprove of. But in fact, no
one disapproved. Ultimately, the choices I made were accepted by those around
me.

If you allow yourself to second guess what others are saying and thinking
about you, you will almost certainly feel bad about your choices, or worse.
Remember, they don’t know the reality; they don’t know how sick your spouse
is.
In fact they probably have false data based on the “ideal” behavior that
many disturbed spouses show in public.

You may find your highest authority through prayer, scripture, meditation,
or any other way that works for you. Only you and your highest authority can
truly assess your actions, grant you permission, and bless your choices. For
many of us, this is a task of primary importance.

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)




HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Suess



Yahoo! Groups: End_Verbal_Abuse Group Leader
_http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse_
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse)

Yahoo! Groups: CoDependents Group Leader
_http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Codependents_
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Codependents)





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]