Oh, what a tangled web some women weave...

Here are some examples of how female abusers knowledgeable about verbal
abuse can twist around the so-called abusive behavior in a relationship to their
advantage:

A female abuser can verbally abuse her partner (repeatedly criticize his
gender, intelligence, income, sexual performance, etc. or have an affair on
him), and then accuse HIM of being abusive because he withholds emotional
intimacy, affection, and/or sex from her as a means of protection.

A female abuser can refuse to work and/or misuse her partner's income (run
up credit card bills in his name behind his back, to use but one example) and
then accuse HIM of "controlling" the finances because he won't give her carte
blanche to his paychecks or credit cards anymore as a means of protection, or
blame HIM for her not getting a job, "He won't let me work!" or "His
mistreatment of me makes me too depressed to work!" when these are not true but
just excuses.

A female abuser can tell her partner that it's abusive for him to define her
reality, but then SHE will completely define his (e.g., she will tell him,
"This is what you think," "This is how you feel," "This is why you say/do this
and that," and so on).

A female abuser can tell her partner that anything he chooses to withhold
from her is abusive, but anything she chooses to withhold from him is a "woman's
right" or her "free choice."

A female abuser can repeatedly make male degrading statements (i.e., "All
men are control freaks," "Men just aren't as smart/capable as women," and the
like) but then accuse HIM of being a "chauvinist pig" if he doesn't concede to
the "superiority of women." I.e., she expects him to say, "It's true women
are smarter than men," and "Women don't have control issues like men do, you
are right," ad nauseam.

A female abuser can label her partner the abuser, fabricate incidents of
abuse, twist the abuse around, rally friends/family behind her (under the guise
of wanting to "protect" them from the alleged abuser, or under the guise of
wanting a "support system" when confronting him on the alleged abuse, but
simply to ostracize him), give him books on abuse, et al - all in the attempt
to
brainwash him and everyone else into believing he's the abuser when, in
reality, SHE is the abuser.

This is done to have power/control over her victim, and not uncommonly in
the hopes of winning a legal or custody battle, acquiring money, and/or as a
means of revenge, humiliation, and ruining the reputation of her victim.




Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Suess



Yahoo! Groups: End_Verbal_Abuse Group Leader
_http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse_
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse)

Yahoo! Groups: CoDependents Group Leader
_http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Codependents_
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Codependents)




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]