When Victims Become Narcissists 

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Some people here - and on my mailing lists - adopt the role of a professional
victim. In doing so, they become self-centred, devoid of empathy, and abusive
and exploitative. In other words, they become narcissists. The role of
"professional victims" - ones whose existence and very identity is defined
solely
and entirely by their victimhood - is well researched in victimology. It doesn't
make for a nice reading. These victim "pros" are often more cruel, vengeful,
vitriolic, discompassionate and violent than their abuser. They make a career
of it. They identify with this role to the exclusion of all else. It is a
danger to be avoided. And this is precisely what I called "Narcissistic
Contagion"
or "Narcissism by Proxy".

These affected entertain the (false) belief they can compartmentalize their
narcissistic behaviour and direct it only at the narcissist. In other words,
they trust in their ability to segregate their behaviour patterns: verbally
abusive towards the narcissist - civil with others, act with malice where the
narcissist is concerned - and with Christian charity towards all others. They
cling to the "faucet theory". They believe that they can turn on and off their
negative feelings, their abusive outbursts, their vindictiveness and
vengefulness, their blind rage, their non-discriminating judgement. This, of
course, is
untrue. These behaviours spill over, into daily transactions with innocent
others. One cannot be partly or temporarily vindictive and judgemental any more
than one can be partly or temporarily pregnant. To their horror, these victims
discover that they have been transmuted and transformed into their worst
nightmare: into a narcissist.

I said that narcissism is contagious and that many victims tend to become
narcissists themselves: malevolent, vicious, lacking empathy, egotistical,
exploitative, violent and abusive.


From my FAQs (42 and 46):

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/faq42.ht... "Question: Is Narcissism
"contagious"? Can one "catch" Narcissism by being in the presence of a
Narcissist?

Answer: The psychiatric profession uses the word: "epidemiology" when it
tackles the statistical measures of prevalence of psychopathologies. There is
some
merit in examining the incidence of personality disorders in the general
population. Some of them might be genetically induced. Most of them are,
probably,
influenced by the cultural context of the society in which they are
manifested. But are personality disorders communicable diseases?

The answer is more complex than a simple "yes" or "no".

Personality Disorders are not contagious in the restricted, rigorous, medical
sense. They are not communicated by pathogens from one individual to another.
They lack many of the basic features of physical-biological epidemics. Still,
they are communicated.

First, there is the direct, interpersonal, influence. A casual encounter with
a Narcissist is likely to leave a bad aftertaste, bewilderment, hurt, or
anger. But these transient reactions have no lasting effect and they fade with
time. Not so with more prolonged interactions: marriage, partnership,
co-existence, cohabitation, working or studying together and the like.
Narcissism brushes
off. Our reactions to the Narcissist, the initial ridicule, the occasional
rage, or the frustration – tend to accumulate and form the sediment of
deformity. Gradually, the Narcissist distorts the personalities of those he is
in
constant touch with, casts them in his defective mould, limits them, redirects
them, and inhibits them. When sufficiently cloned, the Narcissist will use the
effected personalities as Narcissistic proxies, Narcissistic vehicles of
vicarious Narcissism.

The Narcissist provokes in us emotions, which are predominantly negative and
unpleasant. The initial reaction, as we said, is likely to be ridicule. The
Narcissist, pompous, incredibly self centered, falsely grandiose, spoiled and
strange (even his manner of speech is likely to be constrained and archaic) –
often elicits smirks in lieu of admiration. But the entertainment value is fast
eroded. The Narcissist's behaviour becomes tiresome, irksome and cumbersome.
Ridicule is supplanted by ire and, then, by anger and by rage. His inadequacies
are so glaring and his denial and other defense mechanisms so primitive –
that we feel like constantly screaming at him, berating, debasing and
reproaching
him, even to the point of striking at him literally as well as figuratively.
Ashamed at these reactions, we begin to also feel guilty. We find ourselves
attached to a mental pendulum, swinging between repulsion and guilt, rage and
pity, lack of empathy and remorse.

Slowly we acquire the very characteristics of the Narcissist that we so
deplore. We become as tactless as he is, as devoid of empathy and of
consideration,
as ignorant of the emotional composition of other people, as one track
minded. Bathing in the sick halo of the Narcissist – we are "blessed". The
Narcissist invades our personality. He makes us react the way he would have
liked to,
had he dared, or had he known how (a mechanism known as "Projective
Identification"). We are exhausted by his eccentricity, by his extravagance, by
his
grandiosity, by his constant claims. The Narcissist incessantly, adamantly, even
aggressively makes demands upon his environment. He is addicted to his
Narcissistic supply: admiration, adoration, approval, attention. He feels
entitled. He
forces others to lie to him and over-rate his achievements, his talents, his
merits. Living in a Narcissistic fantasy land, he imposes on his nearest or
dearest to join him there, however incommensurate the exercise, either with
their
personality, or with reality.

The resulting exhaustion, desperation and weakening of the will – are fully
taken advantage of by the Narcissist. Through these reduced defenses he
charges, and, like a Trojan Horse, spews forth his lethal charge. Imitation and
emulation of his personality traits by his surroundings are but two of the
weapons
in his never dwindling, always creative, arsenal. But he does not recoil from
using fear and intimidation. He coerces people around him by making subtle
uses of processes such as reinforcement and conditioning. Seeking to avoid the
unpleasant consequences of not succumbing to his wishes – people would rather
comply with his demands and be subjected to his whims. Not to confront his rages
– they "cut corners", pretend, participate in his charade, lie, and become
subsumed in his grandiose fantasies. Rather than be aggressively nagged, they
reduce themselves, minimize their personalities, and place themselves in the
shadow cast by the Narcissist, however small. By doing all this – they delude
themselves that they have escaped the worst consequences.

But the worst is yet to come. The Narcissist is confined, constrained,
restrained and inhibited by the unique structures of his personality and of his
disorder. There are many behaviours in which he cannot engage, many reactions
and
actions "prohibited", many desires stifled, many fears predominant. The
Narcissist uses others to give an outlet to all these repressed emotions and
behaviour patterns. Having invaded their personalities, having altered them by
methods of attrition and erosion, having made them compatible with his own,
having
attained submission by his victims – he moves on to occupy the spaces created
by him from inside their shells. Then he makes them do what he always dreamt of
doing, what he often desired, what he constantly feared of engaging in.

Using the same compelling methods, he drives his mates, spouse, partners,
colleagues, children, or coworkers – into collaborating in the expression of
the
repressed side of his personality. At the same time, he negates the vague
sensation that their personality has been substituted by his when committing
these
acts. The Narcissist can, thus, derive, vicariously, through the lives of
others, the Narcissistic supply that he so needs. He induces in them criminal,
romantic, heroic, impulses. He navigates them to forbidden realms of the
intellect. He makes them travel far, travel fast, travel light, be themselves
against
all norms, gamble against all odds, fear not, tread not – in short: be what
he can never be. And he thrives on the attention, admiration, fascination, or
horrified reactions lavished upon his proxies. He consumes the Narcissistic
supply flowing through the human conduits of his own making. Such a Narcissist
is
likely to use sentences like "I made him", "He was nothing before he met me",
"He is my creation", "She learned everything she knows from me and at my
expense", and so on.

Sufficiently detached – both emotionally and from the point of view of legal
liability – the Narcissist flees the scene when the going gets tough. Often,
these behaviours, acts and emotions induced by the proximity to the Narcissist
–
bring about harsh consequences to their perpetrators. These consequences
need not necessarily be disastrous, but an emotional crisis can be as calamitous
as a physical or material catastrophe. A catastrophe is bound to happen
because the Narcissist's prey is not equipped to deal with the crises that are
the
Narcissist's daily bread and which, now, are delegated and relegated to his
proxy. The behaviour and emotions induced by the Narcissist are alien to the
perpetrator and a cognitive dissonance usually ensues. This only aggravates the
situation. But the Narcissist is, usually, not there to watch his invaded
victims writhe in pain. At the first sign of trouble, he flees and disappears.
This
act of vanishing need not be physical or geographical. The Narcissist is
better at disappearing emotionally and at evading his legal obligations (despite
high moral talk). It is then and there that the people who surround the
Narcissist discover his true colors: he uses and discards people in an
absentminded
manner. To him, people are either "functional" and "useful" to his pursuit of
Narcissistic supply – or not human at all, dimensionless cartoons. Of all the
hurts that the Narcissist can inflict – this, probably, is the strongest and
most enduring one."

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/faq46.ht...

"...This powerful combination of branding and evidencing is what gives rise
to the "Narcissistic Contagion". This is the ability of the Narcissist to
objectify people and to anthropomorphesize objects in order to derive the
maximum
Narcissistic supply from them. The Narcissist is a pathogen. He transforms his
human and non-human environments alike. On the one hand, he would invest as
much affection and emotions in an inanimate object as healthier people would in
a human being – if this object were a Narcissistic Handle. On the other hand,
people around him are transformed by him and become timid or rebellious,
paranoid or phobic, depressed or manic. They are reduced not only in the eyes of
the Narcissist – but in reality and in their own eyes – to functions, to
objects. In their effort to satisfy the need of the Narcissist to exist – they
very
often neglect their own needs. They feel that something is sick and wrong in
their lives. But they are so entrapped, so much part of the Narcissist's
personal mythology that they cannot cut loose. Manipulated through guilt,
leveraged
through fear – they are but a shadow of their former selves. They have
contracted the disease of Narcissism. They have been infected and poisoned. They
have
been branded."

More about this topic here:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/...

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissist...

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/verb...

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/spou...





Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting
different results.

~ Albert Einstein


Fallen Officer: Kenneth L. Collings
http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html


AZTerri
http://profiles.yahoo.com/arizona_terri


End Verbal Abuse Group Leader
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse


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