Say NO to Abuse!

It could live next door to you, just down the block, or around the corner.
You could be aware of it happening on a subliminal level, but never quite put a
finger on what it is about "that relationship" that bothers you. You may see
or speak to that nice lady who always seems so sad on a fairly regular basis.
You catch yourself wondering how come she seems so accident prone - bumps,
bruises, cuts, broken wrist, cracked ribs. She may be jumpy when she’s around
her
husband, quick to appease, have no opinions of her own, always apologizing to
others for his treatment of her, his behaviour towards her. She believes his
intense jealousy is a sign he truly loves her. And perhaps he does in his own
fashion, but a quick look at his handwriting may tell another story.

His writing may show brutality by demonstrating a blotchy, muddy appearance.
There will be heavy pressure. Look for clublike, descending t-bars, long
t-bars, thick and blunt, descending arrowlike ending strokes. Combine these
signs
with things like vanity, megalomania and deceit and you have a pressure cooker
looking for a place to blow - and if temper is also present, you may evaluate
physical violence/abuse.

Spousal abuse takes on many forms, many silent, many insidious, but all
damaging to its victims. Women in abusive situations often feel they can’t
change
their lives, they’re trapped and can’t live without their abuser.

What a gut wrenching cycle of ups and downs, of fear and hope, despair and
depression. Like a sticky spider’s web, abuse and abusive behaviour pulls
victims in tighter and tighter, binding them with silken cords so tough it’s
hard to
break away. Some aren’t able to break away,some choose to live with an
abusive spouse because they think they have no other choice, others die, others
lose
all sense of self.

The silken cords of love woven by an abuser are awfully charming at first.He
wants to be with you all the time, wants to know every minute of the day what
you’re doing. He calls at all hours of the day and night, vowing his undying
love for you - even if you’ve only just known him for a short period of time.
He helps you pick out your clothes, starts taking you everywhere, wants to know
everything about all of your friends. He wants to spend every minute he
possibly can with you and maybe thinks it would be a good idea if you didn’t
work
any longer - so you can be with him.

Gradually you lose your friends, he tells you how to dress, where to go,who
to talk to then one day you realize just how isolated you really are. You
realize his words of love are really hammers and chisels chipping away at your
self- esteem. He says you’re nothing without him, he took you away from your
sorry
life and made you what you are today.

You have no money, other than what he doles out to you. Then he starts
throwing things at you, kicks or shoves you, perhaps even hits you. You start
believing the critical things he says to make you feel bad about yourself, that
somehow you deserve this kind of treatment because you just didn’t so or say
something quite the right way. Know this, you are not alone. You are not to
blame.
You can’t control his violence but you can make yourself safer.

Although it hurts to talk about this to others, you must tell someone what is
going on and keep a record ofwhat happens - someplace where he won’t find it.
Have a safety plan all laid out - things like spare house keys, car keys
where only you can find them. Keep money aside that is yours alone, enough to
allow you to leave the home. Know your legal rights and where you can get help
(shelters, friends, relatives) if you need to leave an abusive situation.

Think seriously about ending the relationship. The violence will escalate if
something is not done to interrupt this destructive pattern. Charge your
spouse with assault, it’s a necessary step in reducing the violence.

Why should we care about domestic violence? Because it’s everyone's right to
live without fear.

Lost Source

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting
different results.

~ Albert Einstein


Fallen Officer: Kenneth L. Collings
http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html


AZTerri
http://profiles.yahoo.com/arizona_terri


End Verbal Abuse Group Leader
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse


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