Love Addiction Recovery

It may seem incongruous to place love and addiction within the same context,
but if you understand how the addictive process occurs in people’s lives, then
it becomes easy to associate the two ideas. Addiction occurs when a person
gets hooked on the feeling associated with a behavior. In this case love. Our
culture tends to place a high premium on the love between intimates. We view
love or romantic love as the basis of a relationship. If there isn’t romantic
love, if we don’t feel "in love" with the person we are less likely to think
about a long term commitment or marriage. The "in love" feeling is euphoric, and
it is quite reinforcing. The longing associated with that early bloom of
romantic love is well known and is the subject of love songs, romantic movies,
and
love stories. Romantic comedies act out the interplay between two people as
they move from strangers to being in love. The film expresses the longing, the
delight, the humor, and sometimes the pain of romantic love.

Love becomes addictive when that feeling of euphoria which occurs during
romantic love becomes the goal. The early stage of a relationship when the other
is still unknown, when we can look endlessly into their eyes, when the sound of
their voice causes our heart to race, is the bonding stage. This early stage
(the beginning, the first meeting, the first kiss) is followed quickly by the
first weeks and months of the relationship, and the physical arousal level is
high. Researches who have studied human behavior are quite aware of the
hormones and endorphins which are secreted in greater amounts during this stage,
and
which further act to reinforce the bonding. This chemical process can be
addictive. That euphoric feeling becomes what is sought after and what triggers
the addictive cycle.

Love addicts can be recognized by their movement from relationship to
relationship, multiple relationships or marriages at the same time, affairs
while in
a committed relationship, and their general focus on the next man or woman who
might come into their lives. The flight in and out of relationships soon
looses its thrill, and the love addict is left with pain and loss. Some love
addicts may be hooked on fantasy lovers. Fantasy lovers are people the addict
loves
and longs for from a distance. These people may not actually go in and out of
relationships, but instead spend large amounts of time in chat rooms, reading
romance novels, or going to movie after movie. This frantic behavior is an
attempt to feel good. To replicate the feeling of being in love. Unfortunately,
what usually occurs is deadening depression. Chat rooms, romance novels, and
movies are not negative in themselves, they are meant to be entertaining,
stimulating, and fun. For the love addict, these pursuits become the tools of
their
addictive process. While some love addicts go from person to person, others
addict to one person. This love addict creates a fantasy relationship and tries
repeatedly to fit the person into the fantasy. Even in the face of evidence
to the contrary, the love addict will continue the fantasy of being in love
with the perfect mate.



Sex and Love Addiction

Sex and love go hand in hand. When we are in love it often follows that we
have sex with that person. We even call it making love. However, for the sex and
love addict, love and sex within the same relationship becomes stale and
boring after awhile. The first blush is off, the bloom has paled. In short, the
hormones aren’t pumping quite so fast. That euphoric feeling has died down,
and
the real work of the relationship begins. At this point the sex addict will
increase their addictive behavior and the love addict may begin to look
elsewhere. The addictive cycle begins (if it ever ended) anew. The cherished
hope
within the sex and love addict that the new relationship will be enough to break
the cycle is met with failure, loss, and shame.



Recovery

Recovery from sex and love addiction can occur. The process of recovery is
much like recovery from substance addictions. First, the addict begins the
process of healing by identifying the painful damaging behavior. By
acknowledging
their behavior is addictive and destructive, their lives become open to growth
and change. The addict learns to recognize how their thinking, their feelings,
and their behaviors lead them into the addictive cycle. Frequently, sex and
love addicts are depressed and anxious, and begin to feel worse before they
feel better making the recovery process painful.

There is help. The sex and love addict is not alone. Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous, a 12-Step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, offers the
addict a place to learn about themselves and the addictive process. The tools of
recovery are available if the person is willing to take the step into a new
life. Another important tool for recovery is counseling. Counseling can help the
person understand how their unfinished business from the past is affecting them
today. They can begin to unravel how the addictive cycle works in their
lives.

   





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