==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
----------------------

Hope for Today - January 1

... In the past I developed many uncomfortable
emotional connections with the word "home." I never
knew what to expect at home and I was too ashamed to
let friends visit. I wanted to escape from instead of to
home. While I agreed on the outside with the adage
"There's no place like home," there was a smirk on my
face and pain in my heart whenever it was spoken.
... With the help of Al-Anon, I have begun to create a
new life with new attitudes and new definitions. The
word "family" takes on the meaning of "Al-Anon Family
Groups," where I have a new family of choice that helps
me in a way my family of origin could not. My new
family suggested I find a "home" group. This is where I
feel I truly belong. Barring severe illness, I always
attend my home group meetings and participate in
business meetings, group conscience decisions and
service. No one forces me to do these things. I do
them because I have chosen to commit to that group,
that family.
... In turn I receive from my home group elements not
abundant during my childhood: consistency, intimacy,
emotional depth, and acceptance. Because I share with
my home group members week after week, they know
my innermost secrets and flaws. They see themselves
in me, I see myself in them, and we learn to love and
accept each other and ourselves. Without reservation
in my mind or heart, I can truly say there is no place
like my home-sweet-home group.

Thought for the Day
... The world is much larger than my family of origin.

... "When a loved one's alcoholism brought me to Al-
... Anon, I found a new, second family, a family that
... helped me discover the me that had been hidden for
... so long, a family that will always be there for me."
... *Courage to Change*, p. 11

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Being less than perfect.

It was not a perfect year. But is there ever a perfect year? Being
clean and sober does not purport or offer perfection. It gives us a
chance to strive for progress. When we keep our Higher Power in our
thoughts and actions, we come closer to perfection all the time.

Despite the disappointments of our complex lives, we are finally
beginning to learn how to live. We are finally making progress.

Am I content to be less than perfect?

Higher Power, I pray that I may continue
to strive for progress and be satisfied
to be an imperfect human.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

Day by Day. Copyright 1974, 1998 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this
publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written
permission of the Hazelden.

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 31

... At my first Al-Anon meeting, I felt like a
parched person drinking cold, refreshing water.
With gratitude I took in the words of the
Suggested Welcome and Closing. Every time I went
to a meeting I'd close my eyes and let those
precious words refresh me.
... Years later I realized I was listening to Al-Anon's
words of hope -- hope I could claim as my own, if I
was willing to work the Steps. When I felt boxed
in by despair, you assured me that no situation is
really hopeless and I could find contentment, and
even happiness, despite my mother's drinking. When
I felt worn out from replaying awful scenarios in my
mind, you told me I could put my problems in their
true perspective and they would lose their power to
dominate. When I felt alone, you reminded me I
wasn't. You pointed out my choices when all I knew
were rules and appearances. I didn't have to agree
to belong. I could take what I liked and leave the rest.
... You even claimed that you already loved me in a
special way, even though I hated myself, and that I
would learn to love you, too. You offered me
sponsorship, hugs, and phone numbers even when I
hadn't "earned" them. I didn't know what a loving
interchange was, and you took the time to show me.
... Thanks, Al-Anon, for the persistent repetition of
these hope-filled words and actions. Gradually they
came true for me. Now when I share them with
others, I have the joy of seeing them come alive again.

Thought for the Day
... When I count my blessings, I remember to count
Al-Anon's gift of hope.

... "If you try to keep an open mind, you will find
... help. You will come to realize that there is no
... situation too difficult to be bettered and no
... unhappiness too great to be lessened."
... *Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Closing*

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 30

... I like how Step Three begins. It states, "Made
a decision . . .," This means I have an active choice
to turn my will and my life over to a Higher Power.
No one is going to force me. No one is going to
make me do *anything*. My recovery is my choice.
What I choose to do with my will and my life is my
decision, and today I choose to turn it over to the
God of my understanding.
... What a relief it is to finally make that decision
and to realize that I don't have to do or fix
everything. I have begun to learn what is and isn't
my responsibility. I feel lighter knowing that my
Higher Power is with me 24 hours a day to help me
with my life and its challenges. From the smallest
decision to the largest, I pray, "God, what would
you have me say and do today?"
... This process of turning my will and life over to
God sounds so simple, yet it certainly didn't happen
at my first meeting! Actually, it didn't happen for
a long time. I had to build a foundation for my Step
Three decision, first by diligently working Steps
One and Two. Taking Step Three was a natural
outgrowth of that groundwork.
... Along the lines of "Progress, not Perfection," my
relationship with my Higher Power evolves day-to-
day, one day at a time. What a gift I have been given!
Turning my will and my life over to a Power greater
than myself provides me with a bottomless well of
love, peace, and serenity, if I choose to drink from it.

Thought for the Day
... Choices are important parts of Al-Anon recovery.
What do I plan to do with mine today?

... "The first phrase of Step Three, 'Made a
... decision,' shows us that we have choices."
... *Paths to Recovery* p. 28

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I've shut the door on yesterday,
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fears for me,
Since I have found today.
-- Vivian Yeiser Laramore

Feeling guilty or ashamed about the past - about what we did or did
not do, about what happened to us, about who we were - can be our
undoing. We must work long and hard in our recovery to work through
these feelings, not to forget the past - for it informs all that we
value in ourselves today - but to put the past into perspective.

After we've taken an inventory and grieved our losses we must forgive
ourselves. In forgiving ourselves we can let go of the past and live
in today.

With our program of recovery, looking back is not as frightening as
it once was. And today we do not have to bear what we find alone.

A new year, a new life, can be ours. Love and friendship, support and
spiritual growth are waiting for us today. Our yesterdays are over,
and we can look to the future with joy and anticipation.

Today help me forgive myself for what's past and learn to have faith
in Your plan for me.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

Body, Mind, and Spirit. Copyright 1990 by Hazelden Foundation. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion
of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the
written permission of Hazelden.

Mary,

Thank you for today's gift.  How true it is!!!  Sometimes I do begin to doubt my
strength and wonder if I can make it through another day.  Thank you for the
reminder.

Judi

mary_canfield2003 <marycanfield@...> wrote:                              
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

  I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
  --Charles Schulz

  Living one day at a time is a big project. Most of us have just
  enough faith, patience, and courage to last 24 hours. We all seem to
  be in need of a daily refueling.

  Living in today helps keep our lives balanced and simple. At first,
  we may need to practice staying in the present. We may find that we
  need to keep bringing ourselves back to today from yesterday or
  tomorrow.

  There is nothing that will happen today that we can't, with God's
  help, manage.

  Today let me keep my feet firmly planted in the bedrock of the
  present, my only reality.

  You are reading from the book:

  Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

  Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast. Copyright 1990 by Hazelden
  Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of
  America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any
  manner without the written permission of Hazelden.






---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

My old boyfriend's mother passed away a week before Christmas.  I
know he'll be devastated.  When I mean old boyfriend, I mean from 22
years ago.  Our lives moved on, but our love never died.

He has a mentally challenged brother that he always said would become
his responsibility.

I just got off the phone with a 12 step sponsor who suggested that I
share and work the steps.  So, for step one, I suppose a way to word
it would be to say I am powerless over my obsession to get involved
in other people's drama.  I am powerless over my need to help others
manage their own emotions when they are perfectly capable themselves.

As a True co-dependent, I do not want anyone else to feel pain.
However, even from my own experiences, grief and pain are necessary
parts of life.  I wouldn't be who I am without those life changing
experiences.  And they changed my life for the better.  And my old
boyfriend is a real champ now when it comes to these things.  He is
not 19.  He is 41 and perfectly capable of doing a real good job.  It
won't be easy.  He will ask my opinion, no doubt.  But, just as he
does for me when I need a sounding board, I will not tell him what
he 'should' do.  But rather be an active listener.  I think that's
what grieving people need most anyway.

I'm dealing with my own grief of his mother today.  I really wanted
her to be my mother in law.  I wrote her a 12 page letter 6 or so
years ago, thanking her for being a strong lady who helped me along
my journey of life.  In the areas where my own mother was weak, she
was quite strong.  And she taught me that it was okay to be a gentle,
loving person.  My mom would have me be career minded woman fighting
the battle in a man's world.  His mom taught me that I didn't have to
do that and I've been quite successful in business just being kind.

And while she did not acknowledge the receipt of the letter to
me...or to my love, I know she did receive it.  And I am SO glad I
wrote that.  It was from the heart.  This part is where I get weepy.
I really loved her.  She was a good mom in so many ways to him.

And both his mom and my mom did prevent our marriage.  We got raked
over the coals.  And mother may have been right...I don't know.  But,
it was my life and my choices to find out.  I feel like I've been in
suspended animation for 22 years because this is such unfinished
business...and he feels the same way.

We were the people pleasers.  We led the lives our moms wanted us to
live...to our own detriment.  I was more willing to fly in my mom's
face...but, he was younger and not wired that way at the time.  18
years later, he did tell me he wished he would have been more
forthright with his mom about me.  He said that he felt like he was
in the middle...and that he had put himself there.

Thanks for listening.  Time to go dry my tears and work some steps.

Ellen

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
--Charles Schulz

Living one day at a time is a big project. Most of us have just
enough faith, patience, and courage to last 24 hours. We all seem to
be in need of a daily refueling.

Living in today helps keep our lives balanced and simple. At first,
we may need to practice staying in the present. We may find that we
need to keep bringing ourselves back to today from yesterday or
tomorrow.

There is nothing that will happen today that we can't, with God's
help, manage.

Today let me keep my feet firmly planted in the bedrock of the
present, my only reality.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast. Copyright 1990 by Hazelden
Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of
America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any
manner without the written permission of Hazelden.

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 29

... I've always had poor balance -- unsteady on
ladders, unhappy hiking downhill, unable to put my
socks on while standing. Sometime ago I watched a
karate black belt competition. Much of the
fighter's attention was focused on how his foot
was planted on the ground. Only partial attention
went to the other, airborne foot. I decided to
undertake developing some of the same partnership
with gravity, to learn to center myself over my
planted foot. In time I became much better at
putting on my socks.
... Recently while picking my way across wet rocks
beside a favorite stream, I felt a strong connection
with the earth. My balance was sure, my choice of
foothold certain and carefree. I could turn my
attention to the scampering squirrels and grazing
deer. I realized that in the same way I am learning
to walk within the inexorable pull of gravity, I am
also learning to center myself in God's will. By
using the many tools of Al-Anon, I am releasing my
need to control, and I am learning to find my
balance despite the strong, often unexpected
winds of change and desire.

Thought for the Day
... Little by little, one day at a time, by accepting
the things I cannot change and changing the things
I can, I will become more centered in God's gift of
serenity.

... "Al-Anon helps me to find some balance."
... *Courage to Change*, p. 54

Hello  FYI

   Only two doxie puppies left for sale!

   They will be ready to go next week...

   One male $400 and one female $450

   If you know anyone interested, will go to good homes only and indoor dogs
mostly:)

   Can email me or call
   408 879-0798

   Thanks!

   Susan


4089306964@... wrote:
   From: 4089306964@...
To: NEWTONDOXY@...
Subject:
Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:57:19 -0800

This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The feeling of belonging is a gift.

The feeling of belonging - knowing that we have a place - is one of
the most important gifts that two partners can give to each other.
When we agree to commit ourselves to a partnership, we give each
other the key to our daily lives. We allow our mate to be there with
us in a way we would not let others. That means that we can expect to
have a place that does not have to be renegotiated every day. This
feeling of belonging is a gift, but it must be received. In essence,
we say to our partner, "I take my place here in your life because we
have our relationship. I will relax. I don't stand at the door and
knock. We have already told each other that we are included in each
other's lives."

This sense of belonging stands in sharp contrast to those feelings of
isolation and alienation that we can feel in so many ways. It does
not mean that one partner owns the other or that no boundary or
separateness exists. But the joy of connection frees people in
relationships to fulfill themselves and carry on their lives while in
the close comfort of one they love.

Tell your partner how you know you have a place in her or his life.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

The More We Find in Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum.
Copyright 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed
in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may
be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of
Hazelden.

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 28

... One of the most beneficial things I have learned
from my Al-Anon experience is to be consistent in
my thoughts, words, and actions. In my alcoholic
home, I learned to mask uncomfortable situations
with words and actions I thought would promote
harmony. I have since learned that agreeing with
others simply to keep peace causes me to be
resentful. As difficult as it may be, today I won't
automatically concur with the thoughts and opinions
of others. If I have a different point of view, I
express it, then let go of the other's reaction. I
practice "Live and Let Live" and "Let Go and Let God."
... To be consistent, I need to know what I believe.
The Al-Anon program, especially through the Steps,
helps me to gain clarity for myself. Such clear
understanding helps me be consistent in what I think,
say, and do and sustains my serenity. Consistency
helps me to practice "Keep It Simple" and saves me
from the need to second-guess myself. It helps me
to identify boundaries. Consistency helps me to
remain true to myself.

Thought for the Day
... Al-Anon offers me the skills I need to define and
express my beliefs without diminishing the integrity
of others.

... ". . . Unity really starts within me. I think of it
... as a feeling of 'getting things together' inside
... my own head."
... *Alateen--a day at a time*, p. 217

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I couldn't hit a wall with a six-gun, but I can twirl one. It looks
good.
--John Wayne

Many of us  fake emotions because our past experiences never taught
us how to use boundaries when dealing with feelings. Now we are
oftentimes stumped when it comes to knowing how we should feel or act
when we are faced with emotional situations.

Sometimes we need to learn to "fake it till we make it."  What is
asked of us is to act the part until the part becomes us.

We may not know how to feel anticipation around holidays - but we
want to experience joy. We may not know what it feels like to really
trust someone, but we would love to be in that position. What we can
learn to do is "act as if" - working all the time to liberate the
frozen emotions of years gone by - until we actually do experience
what we seek.

Like new shoes, my new behaviors and feelings will feel stiff and
uncomfortable for a little while. I am willing to live through
the "breaking in" period.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen
Hegarty. Copyright 1987, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this
publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written
permission of the Hazelden.

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 27

... Concept Eight states, "The Board of Trustees
delegates full authority for routine management
of the Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive
members." In my family I was the "executive
committee," meaning much of the routine
household management fell to me. No one
consciously delegated it to me; it seemed to be
mine by default.
... My mother was an alcoholic. For the most part,
she acted like one of the walking dead, while Dad
was gone most of the time. In addition to his full-
time job, my father spent another 40 hours every
week doing church charity work. As a result, I
assumed many of the household responsibilities. I
made sure my brothers and I ate, dressed, got to
school, and did our homework. It wasn't long
before taking on others' responsibilities became a
habit for me, a habit I carried into my adult life.
... When I came to Al-Anon, I noticed people doing
things differently. For example, when someone
offered to be our group's anniversary chairperson,
she passed around sign-up lists and people
volunteered for setup, refreshments, and cleanup.
Everyone shared responsibility for the arrangements
and worked together. When I went to district
meetings, I observed the district Representative
delegating responsibilities to the various group
representatives. Concept Eight tells me this goes
on at the World Service Office, too.
... Now that I know I have options, I'm not so quick
to pick up on others' responsibilities. When I do
have a task that seems overwhelming, I ask for help.
Amazingly the work gets done even when I'm not the
one doing it.

Thought for the Day
... Is there something going on in my life that I could
ask for help with today?

... ". . . Concept Eight is about letting go and
... trusting others."
... *Paths to Recovery*, p. 299

I didn't write the book synopsis in the article, though. Got that from
amazon, and the article is supposed to contain an amazon link, too, but 
sometimes
I forget it:


No More Secrets: Violence in Lesbian Relationships by Janice  Ristock

Synopsis: Myths: Violence is a male biological trait. When  women fight, no
one gets seriously hurt. Lesbians don't abuse their spouses. The  truth
revealed in Janice Ristock's groundbreaking book is that lesbian  relationships
sometimes do turn violent. Based on interviews with more than one  hundred
lesbians
who have suffered abuse and seventy-five case workers, No More  Secrets is
the first in-depth account of this startling phenomenon. Although one  in four
gay and lesbian couples are affected by domestic violence, the problem  has
remained hidden for several reasons.

First is the fear of homophobic backlash should lesbian violence be
acknowledged. More significantly, Ristock argues, the lesbian feminist  culture 
has
readily adopted the idea that men are more violent than women  in order to
validate lesbian relationships. Recognizing abuse among lesbians  would
undermine
the cemented belief that domestic abuse is an expression of  patriarchy and
gender bias. The definitive book on the subject, No More Secrets  combines
extensive research on the nature of lesbian battering with close-up  analysis 
that
will change our understanding of crimes of intimacy in  heterosexual and
homosexual couples alike. By giving voice to the victims,  Ristock helps women
to
address violence by breaking silences, sharing secrets,  and naming the forms
of abuse)."


Terri

In a message dated 12/26/2007 7:03:07 PM US Mountain Standard Time,  AZ
Terri@... writes:



Thanks for the  compliment, Jackson! I wrote it myself, albeit a long while
back.  Needs some updating, lol.

Terri

In a message dated 12/25/2007  8:37:26 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
a_nj_photographer@...  writes:

Great  information............... How unfortunate most men  will not
see this  !!

The shame of a man will not allow him to  even come close to
admitting "Abuse"....


Most recovery  groups dealing with  codependency issues are filled
with women !!  Very rare to see men  !!






"It is Christmas in  the heart
that puts Christmas in the air!"
- W. T. Ellis









**************************************See AOL's top rated recipes
(http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thanks for the compliment, Jackson! I wrote it myself, albeit a long while
back. Needs some updating, lol.

Terri

In a message dated 12/25/2007 8:37:26 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
a_nj_photographer@... writes:

Great  information............... How unfortunate most men will not
see this  !!

The shame of a man will not allow him to even come close to
admitting "Abuse"....


Most recovery groups dealing with  codependency issues are filled
with women !! Very rare to see men  !!






"It is Christmas in  the heart
that puts Christmas in the air!"
- W. T.  Ellis



**************************************See AOL's top rated recipes
(http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Well, this is a small thing, Terri,

I had a date (via Craigslist actually) and the guy was trying to encourage me to
drink red wine (he said something about it like five or six times).  I finally
laid down the law and said that it was not up to him to tell me to drink wine,
it was up to me, and I was not going to be drinking any. And when he started to
object, I made a "zzzt zzzt" noise like in that movie Big Fat Liar until he
finally shut up about it.

But the best part is, later that night he made a joke about it.

Meaning,
a) I felt threatened by someone trying to control me
b) I laid down the law: no, you are NOT going to control me
c) it didn't even turn out badly

YAY!

Sarah

AZTerri@... wrote:                               Hi Folks!

  Yes, these groups are for venting about all the "bad"  people and things in
  life, but does anyone care to share something "good" that  happened to them
  during the holiday? Could very well uplift or inspire  other members! Thank
you.

  Terri


  "It is Christmas in  the heart
  that puts Christmas in the air!"
  - W. T. Ellis

  **************************************See AOL's top rated recipes
  (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)

  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals?  Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Folks!

Yes, these groups are for venting about all the "bad"  people and things in
life, but does anyone care to share something "good" that  happened to them
during the holiday? Could very well uplift or inspire  other members! Thank you.

Terri




"It is Christmas in  the heart
that puts Christmas in the air!"
- W. T. Ellis



**************************************See AOL's top rated recipes
(http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The process rather than the product is primary in caring, for it is
only in the present that I can attend to the other.
--Milton Mayeroff

The moment that captures us now is all we have for certain. We can
dream endlessly about next week and next year but there are no
guarantees. Thus, it is important to care for ourselves and others in
this moment. Have we expressed our love to any one of the many
special people in our lives today? The effort is small and yet
paramount in its impact on how the day unfolds for the givers and the
receivers of caring words that inspire - words that speak of love.

Someone close needs our attention today - our encouragement, our
inspiration, our recognition. And we need the commitment to focus
outside ourselves if we are to discover the gifts promised us in each
24-hour segment of life. It is not coincidence that we feel pulled
toward particular people --  that we select certain groups to
identify with.

Contemplative thoughtfulness about our presence in this time and
place will assure us we are needed for the loving growth of many. The
mystery unfolds by design.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey. Copyright 1985 by Hazelden Foundation.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No
portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without
the written permission of Hazelden.

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
-----------------------

Hope for Today - December 26

... As a child I grew up waiting for my alcoholic
parents to show me the love I needed. When I
left home, I transferred this expectation to my
alcoholic boyfriend. I lived for his love and
waited for him to change his behavior, which I
felt was hurting me. As long as I clung to my
hope that he would love me the way I wanted to
be loved, I remained a prisoner of alcoholism.
... After coming to Al-Anon for a while, it dawned
on me how much of my life had been spent waiting
for others to change so I could be happy. I had
wasted so much time trying to change the things
I couldn't control. When I finally accepted I
couldn't regulate my boyfriend's drinking, I was
set free. I also realized my powerlessness over
family members.
... I felt some regret along with these spiritual
awakenings, but Al-Anon kept me busy learning
about alcoholism as a disease and moving forward
with the Steps. I wondered why I should try to
fight alcoholism, so I decided to admit that alcoholism
is more powerful than I. Now I am free to discover
the person inside me who is spirited, fun, loving, and
lovable. Today I am learning to give myself the
unconditional love and acceptance I always wanted
from people who didn't have it to give.

Thought for the Day
... What can I change so I can be happy? Is this
realistic?

... "The only person who can love me the way I
... want to be loved is me."
... *Courage to Change*, p. 107

==================================
The following is from "Hope for Today"
An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved
by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family
Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc
----------------------

Hope for Today - December 25

... Serenity is . . .
.... . . a way of life absorbed slowly and practiced
one day at a time . . . perspective . . . becoming aware
of and accepting my many characteristics and not
judging what's "bad" or "good" but what's useful to
keep and what to release . . . a spiritual journey
without a destination . . . the space between the
impulse and the action . . . honoring my feelings
without aiming them at someone else or letting them
run my life . . . a gift I choose to give to myself . . .
knowing that what works for someone else may not
necessarily work for me . . . knowing that what works
for me may change from moment to moment. . .
understanding I may be powerless, but I'm not helpless . . .
.... . . . realizing my Higher Power does for me what I
cannot do for myself . . . minding my own business. . .
the comfort of knowing I can hold my own hand . . .
balance and relief from black-and-white thinking . . .
understanding that reacting to life and responding
to life are not the same thing . . . deliberate
realignment with my Higher Power. . . feeling at
peace with my past. . . a matter of internal stability . . .
becoming a complete being with my body and mind in
one place at the same time . . . becoming one with my
Higher Power.

Thought for the Day
... Serenity opens my mind to new ideas.

... "God grant me the serenity
... To accept the things I cannot change,
... Courage to change the things I can,
... And wisdom to know the difference."
... Serenity Prayer

Great information............... How unfortunate most men will not
see this !!

The shame of a man will not allow him to even come close to
admitting "Abuse"....


Most recovery groups dealing with codependency issues are filled
with women !! Very rare to see men !!







--- In CoDependents@yahoogroups.com, AZTerri@... wrote:
>
> TACTICS OF ABUSIVE WOMEN
>
> Some of these are female exclusive types of abuse that you won't
find in
> books which are geared toward abused women (i.e., men just can't
get pregnant
> accidentally-on-purpose, although some women have been doing this
to men from
> the beginning of time). Some women don't recognize these as
abusive behavior
> within themselves. They may view a man calling them names as being
abusive, for
>  instance, but not take into consideration that if they lie about
birth
> control  in an effort to get pregnant so they can trap a man into
marriage or
> prevent a  man from leaving them - that is abusive, too. In fact,
it's a downright
> horrible  thing to do to both the man AND an innocent child.
>
> Note that this piece explores only some ways female users and
abusers
> mistreat NON abusive men. But even if a man IS abusive, that
doesn't make this
> behavior from women non abusive or right! Unfortunately, sometimes
when some
> women read about female users and abusers their instinctive
reaction is, "I bet
> that man said or did something to deserve that!" Assuming that a
woman would
> not  behave in such a way unless warranted. This is the same
mentality that some
>  members of society had years back (and some still do, tragically
enough)
> about  women being raped, "You know she said/did something to ask
for that!"
>
> Fair is fair. If women want their victimization to be believed
and
> acknowledged, respectfully and without blame, then male targets of
abuse   deserve the
> exact same consideration. The facts are that lesbian women abuse
lesbian
> women at approximately the same ratio as heterosexual men abuse
heterosexual
> women, and in some areas women are more abusive toward their
children/murder
> their own children more frequently than men. A lot more women
abuse male domestic
> partners than admitted to, but many women deny this due to  their
own abuser
> mentality and/or due to the utopian myth about women being
inherently
> passive, peace loving, and having no want for power and control
over  or a sense of
> entitlement. This is untrue. See:
>
> No More Secrets: Violence in Lesbian Relationships by Janice
Ristock
>
> Synopsis: Myths: Violence is a male biological trait. When  women
fight, no
> one gets seriously hurt. Lesbians don't abuse their spouses. The
truth
> revealed in Janice Ristock's groundbreaking book is that lesbian
relationships
> sometimes do turn violent. Based on interviews with more than one
hundred lesbians
> who have suffered abuse and seventy-five case workers, No More
Secrets is
> the first in-depth account of this startling phenomenon. Although
one  in four
> gay and lesbian couples are affected by domestic violence, the
problem  has
> remained hidden for several reasons.
>
> First is the fear of homophobic backlash should lesbian violence
be
> acknowledged. More significantly, Ristock argues, the lesbian
feminist  culture  has
> readily adopted the idea that men are more violent than women  in
order to
> validate lesbian relationships. Recognizing abuse among lesbians
would undermine
> the cemented belief that domestic abuse is an expression of
patriarchy and
> gender bias. The definitive book on the subject, No More Secrets
combines
> extensive research on the nature of lesbian battering with close-
up  analysis  that
> will change our understanding of crimes of intimacy in
heterosexual and
> homosexual couples alike. By giving voice to the victims,  Ristock
helps women to
> address violence by breaking silences, sharing secrets,  and
naming the forms
> of abuse).
>
> What Abuser Women are Prone to do:
>
> Lying about birth control in an effort to get pregnant against
partner's
> wishes
>
> Getting pregnant accidentally-on-purpose by sabotaging birth
control
> (discontinuing the pill or poking holes in condoms!) in an effort
to  solicit  money
> or coerce partner into live-in arrangements or marriage  against
his wishes
>
> Intentionally taunting partner about pregnancy to have power
over: "I might
> be pregnant, but then again, maybe not. You'll have to wait and
see."
>
> Pressuring partner into having children
>
> Lying about paternity in an effort to force partner into marriage,
solicit
> money, or get revenge if she feels angry or rejected
>
> Lying about/filing false charges of rape, verbal abuse, and
domestic  assault
> to solicit money, get revenge, or have power over if she feels
angry or
> rejected
>
> Claiming to be in fear for her life, filing a restraining order,
and then
> trying to lure partner into communicating with her or provoking
partner into
> angry outburst and then calling the police on him
>
> Manipulating, pressuring, or guilting partner into commitment,
live-in
> arrangements, or marriage against his wishes
>
> Gold Digging: using partner mainly or solely for money,
possessions,
> residency, and/or status
>
> Overspending money (not her own money, but that of her partner)
and/or
> ruining credit of partner behind his back
>
> Cleaning out the joint bank account behind partner's back
>
> Refusing to work or pay bills when able to work and not a full-
time
> caretaker of children/when the partner caretakes equally of the
children (I  had  an
> online friend who has a Ph.D. and she literally told her
husband,  "You can
> work OT (over time) if you have to, but I am NOT getting a job! I
refuse to let
> some boss tell me what I can do with my time!" He was planning to
leave her
> last I heard. He got tired of working so much and paying ALL of
the  bills!)
>
> Sex:
>
> a) Treating partner as nothing more than a sexual object to
manipulate, toy
> with, taunt, and control either to fulfill sexual wants and/or to
get
> gifts/favors/money/possessions
>
> b) Withholding sex/affection not as a boundary but as an
intentional means
> of punishment when she doesn't get her way
>
> c) Pressuring, guilting, or physically trying to force partner
into sex
> against his will (there was a true story in the news not too long
ago about a
> woman who bit her older husband so many times that he died shortly
thereafter
> from complications. When asked why she bit him, she replied that
he refused to
> have sex with her!)
>
> Controlling
>
> Demanding
>
> Cold
>
> Hostile
>
> Angry
>
> Yelling
>
> Name Calling
>
> Blaming
>
> Belittling
>
> Criticizing
>
> Nagging
>
> Jealousy
>
> Threatening
>
> Mood swings/raging (and usually blaming it on PMS or the Monthly
Visitor!)
>
> Emasculation and name calling (b*stard, a**hole, faggot, stupid,
worthless,
> lazy, poor, bald, puny penis, etc.)
>
> Racial slurs
>
> Gender bias/gender conceit: You men are all pigs, control freaks,
abusers,
> etc. Unlike us innately loving, giving, and kind women!
>
> Insisting that HE is the abuser/that HE is the one who needs
therapy
>
> Talking to as a child
>
> Constant put-downs (in particular regarding status, income, and
education)
>
> Ridiculing sexual performance: A REAL man would know how to
please  me!
>
> Ridiculing masculinity: A REAL man would have the brains do that
right!
>
> Threatening to leave if she doesn't get her way
>
> Threatening to kill partner if he attempts to leave
>
> Threatening to kill herself if he attempts to leave
>
> Threatening to take/taking the children as a means of power over,
> punishment, or to get revenge
>
> Turning children against Father
>
> Scratching
>
> Slapping
>
> Hair Pulling
>
> Pushing/shoving
>
> Throwing objects
>
> Using weapons
>
> Poison (popular with abusive ladies!)
>
> Hiring a thug or killer to beat up or murder partner (also popular
with
> abusive ladies!)
>
> Destroying property of partner
>
> Ad nauseam
>
>
>
>
>
> "It is Christmas in  the heart
> that puts Christmas in the air!"
> - W. T.  Ellis
>
>
>
> **************************************See AOL's top rated recipes
> (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)
>

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.
--Leonard Nimoy

Look around you at the happiest people you know. They are also the
most generous and giving people. A generous spirit creates its own
environment. In recovery we talk a lot about gratitude - and we have
a lot to be grateful for. This feeling of gratitude inspires us to be
generous toward others in many different ways. Most sharing is not of
material things but a sharing of our spirit, our forgiveness, and our
respect for others.

We can cultivate a generous spirit by reminding ourselves that we
have enough. We have enough to live well, we are surrounded by love,
we have been forgiven for many wrongs that we committed, and life is
filled with interesting adventure. When we share from this sense of
abundance, our feeling of well-being only grows.

Today I will be generous and sharing toward the other people I come
into contact with.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Wisdom to Know. Copyright 2005 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this
publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written
permission of Hazelden.

Phooey. I'm turning into Dad. *meep* Thanks for answering.

I'm currently without professional help, too. My psychiatrist closed her private
practice in November, and my counselor told me at our last appointment that her
overseer no longer takes my insurance. We tried to get me an emergency
appointment last week because I was in seriously bad shape emotionally, but
nobody could see me until after the new year...and I wasn't suicidal, homicidal,
or abusing substances, so...no emergency room for me. (I know those are the
requirements from the last time I had an emotional breakdown and asked my
therapist at the time to admit me.)

So, after the first of the year, we will be seeking a new psychiatrist and
counselor for me. We're hoping to find both who understand Asperger syndrome
this time, as my last counselor did not, and she kept telling me, "That's the
obsessive compulsive in you," and that only made me shut out whatever she said
for the rest of the session because I was angry at her for not remembering that
any obsessive tendencies were due to the Asperger syndrome, which had been
misdiagnosed as obsessive-compulsive disorder by many previous clinicians
because I hadn't been seeing them for the other symptoms that, together, added
up to the syndrome.

I have also been diagnosed in the past with ADD and passive-aggressive
tendencies, each on separate occasions. When I took Ritalin for the ADD, the
reaction I had to it scared me to death. Scratch that diagnosis! The guy who
told me I was passive aggressive said such things as my habit of laughing
nervously or even the fact that I cried when angry was passive-aggressive
behavior, so...I hold very little stock in his diagnosis.

Wow. Tangent girl again! I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead.

Thanks again, Terri. Hope things are going better for you!
Carol
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: AZTerri@...
   To: CoDependents@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Sunday, December 23, 2007 6:47 PM
   Subject: Re: {CoDependents} Abuse




   Hi Carol!

   Yes, this would be considered verbal abuse.

   Terri

   In a message dated 12/22/2007 7:50:55 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
   carolsonline@... writes:

   Would saying to someone "happy f*cking holidays" after they kicked you  out
   of their computer graphics group because they "couldn't handle your  issues"
(I
   never broke the group rules, just misunderstood her in private  e-mail a
   couple times) be considered verbal abuse?

   Just curious. Don't want to be my father.

   Carol

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]