Hi Folks!

 

This post is for someone who asked me to give an example of how my family is abusive. More specifically, I believe they wanted an example of what some might refer to as "subtle" abuse. The day I was evicted from my home I spent time at a neighbor's house. An Aunt called me there (which really surprised me because I hadn't heard from her in years). I was attempting to ask her why no one in the family - in particular her Lieutenant Detective husband (at least he was a member of law enforcement, I don't know what he does anymore) - wouldn't do anything about the director at this program blocking me from getting some desperately needed repairs done.

 

In response, she made up poor excuses such as, "He's been sick..." For over FIVE years? (I told him what the program was doing to me years ago). Likewise, she was a lot more interested in emphasizing that I should have stayed on SSD, "I don't mean this as criticism, but...it's such a shame you went off of disability because once you voluntarily give it up it's almost impossible to get on it again...It's a nice nest egg to have."

 

1). I was trying to figure out what the heck not being on SSD had to do with my predicament (that repair program breaking the law and the family not getting involved at all)? Answer: NOTHING.

 

2). A nice nest egg to have? To my knowledge, SSD was designed for those individuals who cannot work enough, if at all, to support their basic needs. It was not designed for those who can work enough to support their basic needs but who are still considered "poor," "low income," or what-have-you more often than not, and thereby, have to struggle at times (there are times I earn too much to qualify for assistance from many programs, even though I do not earn nearly enough to pay for certain things myself like AC/Compressor repair/replacement, dental care, etc.).

 

Either way, I voluntarily gave up SSD because I became capable of working again and supporting myself (and was proud to return to work!), and have done so for years now without a roommate, boyfriend, or husband sharing the bills or helping out in any other capacity. And it's been extremely rare I've asked family for any help either.

 

Although this might seem innocuous enough on the surface to those not familiar with verbal/emotional abuse, my family refuses to acknowledge and be supportive of my independence. Instead, consistently behaving as if SSD is for those who just don't want to work, or those who can't always work two jobs, and that there is something wrong with me for not taking advantage of it.

 

The majority of the times I have requested aid, their attitude has been, "Go live off of the government, even if you don't need to, because whatever struggles you are having we don't want to hear about these and we don't want to get involved." Even those occasions when I was not asking for money! This is how abusive family members are.

 

Terri       

 

"If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

- Murphy's Law