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Take Your Power: Tips for the Abused   Message List  
Reply | Forward Message #3978 of 7688 |

by Dr. Irene

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."  -Mahatma Ghandi

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Never forget that your partner's objective is to engage you in a fight; to provoke and provoke and provoke until you lose your cool and blow up. Now your partner has you exactly where he or she wants you: looking totally nuts and irrational. "See, you are nuts!" They get to blow off some steam and you get blamed. Don't go there.
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Do not take the things your partner says personally. They are not about you. They are about your partner's attempt to engage you.
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Never, ever defend your position. That puts you in a one-down position. You have no reason to explain yourself to anyone (but yourself). You don't need anyone's permission or approval. Don't bother trying to change someone's mind or make them see your point. It doesn't matter.
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Always control your tongue. Don't react when your partner tries to provoke you. Disengage. You are being dragged into another fight - you won't win.
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When you do speak, speak calmly. Be firm. Be assertive and never lose your cool. Do not say things you don't mean or things that will hurt your partner. You are just getting dragged into a fight you won't win.
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Use the "broken-record" technique. When the questions won't stop, calmly repeat your reply over and over again: "This is not the time. Stop now or I will go."   "This is not the time. Stop now or I will go." Etc., etc., etc.
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If the provocation won't stop, get out of the line of fire. Calmly leave (e.g., no door slamming) or have your partner leave.
bullet When you are hurt by acts of withholding or omission, don't complain or nag. Back off. Pull back and either forget it or go get / do it yourself.
 
Free Terri



A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
~Author Unknown
Thu Jan 4, 2007 5:56 pm

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Take Your Power: Tips for the Abused by Dr. Irene "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Ghandi Never forget that your partner's... 		AZTerri@...
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