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Rebuilding Your Life After Abuse!
It's My Life Now: Starting Over After An Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence
(Second Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock)
Book Description
Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding her way out, a victim's difficulties are solved: her life is good, she is safe, and her recovery will be swift. Survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare, it is the beginning of a difficult journey toward healing and happiness. It's My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that female survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for women who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship, combining guidance on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. In the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals.
*These reviews are for the first edition of the book. The link above is for the updated version of the book, which is supposed to be even better):
Reader Review: This book has been very helpful to me in recovering from an abusive marriage. In fact, if you only have the money for one "recovery from abuse" book, this one is the one to get. It covers every type of abuse, even spiritual abuse, which was very relevant to my experiences in a bizarre cultic marriage in which I was beaten over the head with the Bible and told to "submit" all the time. The tone that the book is written in is wonderful. It is neither "oh, you poor pathetic baby" or "get over it, toots" but strikes exactly the right tone--empowering and empathetic but not patronizing or overbearing.
The book helps you not only analyze what happened to you and why, but gets you into the healing process. This book helped me quit beating myself up for ending up with and staying with an abuser (and having SIX children with him into the bargain), for still having feelings for my abusive husband, and for being tempted to go back. Some of the exercises at the end of the chapters were kind of silly, and I skipped them, but some were excellent. The exercise that helped me the most was the one that helped me to look back and remember why I fell in love with that chump to begin with. It WASN'T because I am brainless.
The absolute best thing about this book, in my opinion, is the final chapter. Prior to reading it, I had no idea how in the world I managed to marry an abusive control freak and was scared to death of getting hooked by another one. This chapter really helped me feel capable of choosing another partner who is not abusive. The author tells you exactly what danger signs to look for. I missed every one of them the first time, but I won't miss them again!
Reader Review: Life doesn't become rosy after the battered woman leaves the relationship. This is the most dangerous time AND the most depressing. Ms. Dugan understands the loss, the grief, the anger and the now-what-do-I-do feelings. A must-read for any woman who's left or is contemplating leaving.
Reader Review: This book is the kind of instructional manual that every woman escaping from an abuser needs to read. Every thought, fear, or impulse an abused woman may have is discussed in this very calm, very helpful book. The authors don't shy away from the darker stuff, and they write in a very straightforward, no-nonsense fashion. Yet the book leaves the reader with an undeniable sense of hope and excitement, as this book makes the reader realize that a new, better life is possible.
Reader Review: I'm reading this book right now, and I felt it was written just for me. Believe me, if you are coming out of any kind of abusive relationship (remember, it does not have to get to the point of physical abuse to be abusive), this book will help you deal with your loss and your recovery. I broke up with whom I thought was the love of my life 2 months ago. Been through hell. I too thought it was insane to love and miss so much a person who was constantly putting me down and hurting me in many ways. It had to stop. But once you're out, STAYING out could be pretty tough. It sure is for me. This book is guiding me through the loss I'm suffering and so far it's been THE GREATEST help I received. It's been like reading my soul. I need to THANK the authors, you've helped a great deal.
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