Healthy vs. Toxic Love

Healthy Love
Development of self first.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Obsession with relationship.

Healthy Love
Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may
really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

Healthy Love
Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

Healthy Love
Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

Healthy Love
Appropriate Trust (i.e., trusting partner to behave according to fundamental
nature).

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

Healthy Love
Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving
together.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

Healthy Love
Embracing of each other's individuality.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Trying to change other to own image.

Healthy Love
Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

Healthy Love
Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

Healthy Love
Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go).

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings).

Healthy Love
Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate
gratification.

Healthy Love
Ability to enjoy being alone.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Unable to endure separation; clinging.

Healthy Love
Cycle of comfort and contentment.

Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Cycle of pain and despair.




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