Help! Can I Fix It (My Codependency)?
by Dr. Irene Matiatos

Good news! You certainly can! You can get control over your life! You can
stop trying to control the lives of others and take charge of yourself!

While children are truly not responsible for their actions, adults are. To
experience a more satisfying life, it becomes incumbent upon the adult to take
control of the unavoidable childhood or present-day scars they experienced.
Parent don't set out to hurt their children; neither do abusive partners! We
get hurt and we in turn hurt others because we are imperfect. We may never
achieve perfection, but we can improve.

It is important to remember that we are in part a product of our
environment. If we mis-behave, we have learned to do so. The good news is that
what was
learned can be unlearned or modified. The best news is that, in my
experience, codependency issues are in most cases not particularly difficult
problems
to deal with.

I find a blend of cognitive behavior therapy with an emphasis on cognitive
and verbal skills training combined with a 12-Step approach very effective.
Many self-help resources are available from books to support groups, as well as
professional guidance. "Codependence" is cocktail party talk. Walk into your
local book store's self-help or psychology section and look around. Melodie
Beattie and Pia Mellody are two of my favorite authors in the field. Also,
check out some of Albert Ellis' cognitive-behavioral work that helps in
stamping
out irrational codependent thinking. Self-help groups such as ALANON and
CODA are 12-Step programs that have their own formula help change codependent
behavior.

So, go to therapy. Read, get to a meeting. Get yourself evaluated for
medication if you are depressed. Do whatever you need to do. As an adult, you
have
options. You can take control of your life! You are the only one who can take
control of your life.

Irene Matiatos, PhD is a Licensed Psychologist in full time private practice
in NY & NJ. She is the author of Dr. Irene’s Verbal Abuse (Site)! A
cognitive-behaviorist, Dr. Irene works anger and abuse issues with perpetrators
and/or their victims. She also specializes in addiction, eating disorders, post
traumatic stress as well as panic, anxiety, depression and general
psychological disorders. Having earned her doctorate in psychology from Long
Island
University in 1990, in the past she was Director of Quality Assurance and
Treatment Team Leader at Blaisdell Alcoholism Center in Orangeburg, New York
and was
a Senior Psychologist at Rockland Psychiatric Center, also in Orangeburg NY.




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