The Pressure to Tolerate Verbal Abuse
© 2000 Michele Toomey, PhD


No black eye, no fat lip, no broken bones. Conclusion, no abuse. Not true,
but often assumed to be true. Therefore, we grow up denying the presence of
verbal abuse, so, of course, we are expected to ignore it. What's even more
insidious, however, is the fact that one day when we finally awaken to the
brutality of being verbally abused, and begin to speak about it to family and
friends, they don't want to hear it.

First, they are caught in the tradition of denying its presence, so they
don't want their belief system disturbed. Then, they are caught in denying its
price, so they don't want the peace disturbed. This climate, therefore, breeds
yet another demand to be silent, and triggers anger if the silence is broken.
"Turn the other cheek, don't cause trouble, take it like a man, stop whining
like a woman."

For sure, don't expose the abuse. If you do, be prepared to be isolated, to
be blamed, to be accused as the one in the wrong, and be prepared not to be
heard. However, pressure or no pressure, be proud of being awakened to the fact
that verbal abuse is abusive, and be courageous enough to take a stand
against it, and not tolerate it.

The power of silence is in silence. By breaking the silence you lessen its
power and thus the power of the abuser. Exposure erodes the protective cover of
abuse and of the abuser, so use the power of speech. Speak out, speak up,
and stand firm. Your stature will emerge and your liberation will follow. An
outcome worthy of the price.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people wont feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
Its not just in some of us, it is in everyone." - Marianne Williamson


Fallen Officer Kenneth Collings
_http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html_
(http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html)






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