From the book "Tears and Healing" by


© 2005 Richard, 21CP Author and Publisher

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)

This Excerpt:

Memory Shapes Us - Part 2

[Yesterday I wrote a whole essay as commentary, so today I'll just cut right
to the chase:]

Memory Shapes Us

[Continued from part 1]

Memory <--> Thought

Now let’s talk about how memory interacts with our thoughts.

First Way: Like the spirit, our thought processes operate in the context of
our memories. Our memories are where our knowledge and understanding of the
world is maintained. Our thoughts also are in direct connection with the
perceptions of our senses. By senses I mean not just raw sight, sound, smell,
etc., but also more complete perceptions such as the understanding of things
that
are spoken to us or the meaning of images or scenes that we see, for
example. As sensory input is received, we process that by thinking about it,
and the
way we think about it is determined by what we have kept in our memory.

Just to give a simple example, if a two-year old sees a porcupine for the
first time, the child’s reaction may be, “Oh, a small furry animal. Good to
pet. I will pet it.” This is based on the child’s memory of other small
animals, which are good to pet. I, on the other hand, with my more complete
memory,
which includes memories of porcupines, see the same animal and know to steer
clear. So one type of interaction between thought and memory is the
processing of sensory input in the context of our memory.

Second Way: There is however, the second way that thought interacts with
memory. We can allow our thoughts to pass without retaining them, but if we
choose, we can add to our memory from our thought processes. The simplest case
of
this is when we choose to remember something. Unfortunately, there is
another way for things to get into our memory. If we feel or think an
experience is
important, it is likely to be impressed into our memory. If I start to step
out into the street in front of a car and catch myself at the last second
from certain death, I am likely to remember that. So too, if I see an athlete I
greatly admire win an Olympic medal, I’m likely to remember that. If someone
walked up to me on the street and shouted in my face that I had stolen his
wallet, I would probably remember that, too. And if my wife screams at me that
I am a pervert and a pedophile and not fit to be a father, well, yes. I do
remember that. Indeed.

You see, when we allow someone into our intimate personal space, especially
if that intimacy is kept for a long time, then most everything that person
says is going to be important. If those things are not true, we still remember
them. And they become part of our memory.

Memory is Finite: Now, our memory is not an unbounded thing. The things that
we knew or believed in the past can be replaced in our memory by new
experiences. Let’s say, for example, that as a young adult I found that I was
not
very much of a people person. So my memory, which shapes both my thoughts and
influences my spirit, has filled this memory space labeled “people person”
with a dis-association with me. Later in my life, I might discover that I am
able to help people in support communities, and people find me compassionate
and inspiring, and that I feel energized and feel good about this. And over
time, these experiences, which seem important to me, gradually overwrite that
memory, so that I now have this memory space labeled “people person” filled
with a positive association with myself. The old memories have been displaced
by the new. You could call this learning or even re-learning.

Effects of Verbal Abuse

Abuse Overwhelms Our Memory: Now with this, we can begin to understand what
verbal abuse does to us. Some people will say and even honestly feel, “I can
deal with this. I’m an adult. I know these abusive statements are not
true.”
But unfortunately, I don’t believe we have the power to deal with such
abuse. Because when we are verbally abused, and hurtful untruths about us are
told
to us, often in the most forceful way, it IS important. And it IS retained
in our memory. And if it goes on, it will eventually overwhelm our truthful
memories and leave us with a memory system that is filled with hurtful, hateful
lies. And this is the essence of how we are damaged by verbal abuse.

What does this mean? What does it mean if our memories are filled with lies;
with vicious destructive untruths that demean us? Perhaps you might think, “
So what if I remember that? I KNOW that those things aren’t true. Why should
they concern me?” And indeed, I believe that I probably thought such a thing
myself at one point. But they do concern us. Remember, our memory is the
context in which our cognitive thought processes operate, and it also provides
the only perspective on the outside world to our spirit.

So, two things are going to happen.

Thoughts Are Distorted: First, we begin to think irrationally –
unrealistically - about ourselves. When we need to think about ourselves, our
thought
processes automatically refer to our memory for context. If my memory is filled
with the concept that I am a pervert and an unfit father, no matter how
untrue, my thoughts are directed and affected by these memories. It is
impossible
for me to think about myself without bringing the abusive lies in my memory
into play. My thoughts are thus distorted, and the conclusions resulting from
my thoughts reflect the negative, ugly lies embedded in my memory. No matter
how much I might deny the reality of the lies, they become part of how I see
and think about myself. My thoughts are no longer balanced and realistic. And
what is worse, these distorted thoughts can reinforce the lies in my memory
and make the damage even worse.

Our Spirit Is Violated: The second thing that happens comes from our spirit.
Remember, our spirit is enveloped in a world view provided by our memory.
The energy of our spirit drives us toward goodness and fulfillment of our life
calling. And when my spirit finds itself immersed in a view of myself that I
am a pervert and an unfit father, it takes issue with this. It does not like
this state of affairs. And it makes this known with emotional distress. It
may take the form of depression (as I described in Depression and the
Unconscious, p. 68), or anxiety, and it may also make itself felt physically.
Physical
symptoms might be stress headaches, hypertension, hyperacidity, and in more
severe situations, nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting. Verbal abuse makes us sick.

Recap

In other sections I will talk more about how we can reverse the damage from
verbal abuse. But to close this section, let me just reiterate the basic
concepts in this model. Our spirit is our life energy and directs us to
positive
and healthy choices that realize our unique life calling. Our thoughts and
cognitions are the mental processes by which we process sensory input to make
conclusions and choose actions. Our memory is the sum of our experiences,
either events which are important or which we have chosen to remember.

Our spirit knows only the world reflected by our memory. When our memory
conflicts with the drives of our spirit, our spirit opposes this by sickening
us
with depression, anxiety, and physical distress. When our memory is in
harmony with the spirit, our spirit energizes us and leads us to new and better
choices in life. Our thoughts operate in the context of our memory, which
defines how we process the input we receive.

When we are verbally abused, the attacks are important enough that they are
embedded in our memory. If the abuse persists long enough, the abusive
assertions overwrite our truthful, realistic impressions of ourselves, and
leave us
with a memory that defines us in demeaning, negative, and hurtful ways. This
impression conflicts with the positive life energy of our spirit, and as a
result our spirit signals that something is wrong with depression, anxiety,
and physical illness.

Now To Do Something

Now, please bear in mind that I am not trying to build an anatomically
correct model of our bodies. I am not presuming to enable a surgeon to correct
verbal abuse by excising some particular item of anatomy. What I want to do
here
is to build an understanding, in a way you can relate to, of how you can
help yourself to heal from your verbally abusive experiences. Because I believe
you can undo the damage of hateful words, and there are definite actions you
can take to bring that to pass.



© 2005 Richard, 21CP Author and Publisher

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)




MERRY CHRISTMAS!




He's making a list and checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty and nice,
Santa Claus is coming to town!



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