From the book "Tears and Healing" by


© 2005 Richard, 21CP Author and Publisher

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)

This Excerpt:

Why am I In Love?

[If this little section works for you, I have good news. My thoughts on this
have expanded considerably since this section was written. So much so that I
have a new book just on love and falling in love. Just to the right, there
is a link to the web page for In Love and Loving It – Or Not! In the book, I
explore the reasons that we fall in love; what inner needs are driving us; how
we can make changes to help better things happen when fall in love; and then
contrast with love and loving relationships… all the stuff we all struggle
with. I also talk about falling in love, love, and marriage and how they all
work together. Visit the In Love and Loving It - Web page, where you can read
about the book and get your own copy.]

Why Am I In Love?

You know, this question is so important - because it cuts to the heart of
nearly all the issues that plague us in these relationships.

You are in love because you haven’t fulfilled yourself, and your unconscious
mind is trying to find someone else to make that happen. And it very often
doesn’t work. In fact, it often makes things worse.

Think about what you want from a relationship that is based on being in
love: I’ll call it an in-love relationship. By in-love I mean falling into
romantic love, head-over-heels, can’t live without her kind of stuff. What do
you
want? Sex and nurturing. Let’s think a minute about nurturing. What kind of
things do we do in these intimate, in-love relationships that we don’t do in
our other relationships? We allow ourselves to be emotionally dependent on our
partner. We drop our strong, silent front, stop pretending we are everything,
and lean on our partner.

In a word, we act like children. We ask our partner to play a parenting role
with us. We push off responsibility for at least part of our well being, and
expect our partner to make things right. We accept ourselves as incomplete
and we seek to feel complete through another person.

The best explanation I have found for this is by Hendrix (p. 100). Hendrix
believes we have two ways we force ourselves to be incomplete. The first is
denying parts of ourselves, and the second is hiding parts of ourselves. Both
are aspects of our being, our spirit, that we refuse to express, the first
because we cannot accept that we have those traits, and the second because we
fear others’ reactions to those traits.

So again, why are you in love? To complete yourself by using another person
to provide the denied and hidden aspects of yourself. Don’t want to be in
love? Find your whole self. Love your whole self. I can’t say I’ve achieved
this, but I believe it is the path to emotional and spiritual health, and that
risk of falling in-love goes down as we move down that path.

Falling in love is an unconscious mechanism that tries to compensate our own
failure to fully realize our full self. Accept yourself, know yourself, love
yourself. By this you can free yourself from the trap of falling in-love yet
again.



© 2005 Richard, 21CP Author and Publisher

_http://tearsandhealing.com/_ (http://tearsandhealing.com/)




MERRY CHRISTMAS!




He's making a list and checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty and nice,
Santa Claus is coming to town!



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